When Superhead, er, Karrine Steffans married Darius McCrary last year, we were stunned. These two were involved in volatile and violent relationship, so marriage was the last thing we thought they'd commit to. Then we found out it was all a lie! Now, in a open letter to Vibe magazine, Superhead admits that she has deep, psychological wounds and that her boyfriend/lover/jumpoff is tirelessly beating her ass, but she won't quit him because she doesn't know how. Plus, she loves and need him.
I’ve been a victim of abuse all my life –– literally, for as long as I can remember. It is my norm. Whereas most people would run in the other direction the moment someone physically, emotionally, or mentally abuses them –– I stay.
It’s a sickness and just when I think I am cured, the cancer spreads.
For the past several years, I have been involved in a highly abusive relationship. I have been choked, whipped with belts, thrown about, berated, belittled, raped, and disregarded as a human being. I have been abandoned and embarrassed, then, loved and coddled.
I have been caught in a vicious cycle and have left on many occasions, just to return.
I have found little support from my friends and family because I complain, and I cry, then I go back for more. I go back knowing that, one day, he’ll kill me but he’s all I have. He’s the only one who understands because he’s stuck in this cycle, too.Wow! Is this a work of fiction or this for real? Or is this "confession," a public dressing down? Wait, didn't she write a book about dealing with such a scenario? Did she not read the book? (Remember when she asked Wendy that?) So many questions. Listen, we're not going to pretend to understand what it feels like to be in a abusive relationship, but what we can say is this: Girl, you're worthy and your son needs you, so now that you've publicly acknowledged what's going on in your private life, it's time to call the national abuse hotline for some help or bail -- before he finally kills you. And further more: Is your 15/16 year-old son witnessing this violence? Why is Superhead still pretending to be married to Darius by using the hyphenated name? And although she isn't Muslim, she should have her phantom husband watch this how-to video.
When I try to confide in friends they ask, “Well, what did you do to him? What did you say to him?” They tell me, “You know how he is, he’s never going to change, so why do you stay? You know what you’re getting into. Don’t tell anyone because he’ll come out looking good and you’ll only make yourself look bad.” It’s always my fault.
No one understands – not even me.
So, I keep it all to myself and it continues. Then, we make up and vow it will never happen again –– then it does and I feel so foolish for ever believing he can change or that we can change. Then, I begin to believe again. I believe even now.
I love him though it pains me to admit. It sickens me to know that I will return to him in an instant and that the next time could be the last time and that breath, my last breath. Still, I hold out hope that one day we’ll learn how to love one another without pain. I pray that those who look on with smirks and judgments know one thing –– domestic violence is very real and, at times, very final.
If you, or someone you know, has been a victim of domestic violence, please contact the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at (800) 799-7233.