How many times can you say the word "asshole" -- or have it bleeped -- on the news? Let's count.
A NYC teacher will probably lose her job because she's a donkey. According to police, Melissa Dean told her students to make holiday greeting cards for her boyfriend -- who's currently behind bars and was arrested for possessing child p0rnogragphy.
James Labrecque sold an old safe on eBay for $122.93. He didn't know the safe had $26,000 inside and how he's demanding the buyer give him $13,000. Yeah, good luck with that.
"Happy 98th birthday, mom. Now get out of my house!" How rude. Mary Kantorowski says her son is trying to evict her from the home where she's been living for ages. He says she needs to be in a nursing home with her "peers". We wonder how he knows this, since he hasn't bothered to visit his mother in eight months.
The streets are not safe. Octavio Quintana, 32, of Chandler, Arizona is facing aggravated assault charges after he walked up to a 14-year-old girl, spanked her on the butt then ran away. The story doesn't end there, however. Several days later Octavio showed up at the girl's door.