Thursday, September 3, 2009

Wow! Chris Brown's An Imbecile. Yada. Yada. Yada. It's Like Wow!

On last night's special edition of ""Blossom" Larry King Live Chris Brown showed up, with his minders -- mother, Joyce Hawkins and lawyer, Mark Geragos -- to apologize for brutality beating Rihanna last February.

Worth watching, right?

We were not convinced by his "apology"; we weren't buying it one iota. Frankly, while watching this one hour debacle, we feared his bow tie was going to attack Larry's suspenders because he was visibly angry and he really didn't want to be there.

Furthermore, we agree with the thousands of people on Twitter: While Chris is seeing a shrink to hammer out his anger management issues, he should take a few English classes, too.

It's like, wow. When his publicists aren't around to tell him what to say, he really fumbles and falls flat on his face.

Let's dia-sect (as Wendy often says) the interview, in which he refuses to talk about what happened that night where he choked Rihanna, beat her viciously, smashed her face into the windshield, bit her ear and threatened to kill her because he respects HIS and Rihanna's privacy.


The videos are are the end of this post, but you need to read what he had to say. Mindboggling.

>> On what happened that night of the beatdown:
Larry: What happened?
Chris: Well, Larry, I don't feel like it's appropriate for -- for me to speak on what actually happened on that night, just out of respect for Rihanna and myself. And I -- I respect our privacy more and I don't want -- I don't want to just go into that. I don't feel it's...

No, but can you tell us, from a point of view, what happened? I mean what caused this?
I don't...

You don't have to be specific, but can you tell me what -- I mean, had you -- had you done this before?
No, I'm sorry. I mean, I don't -- I don't want to really talk about what went on, like or what -- I feel like I owe it to her not to talk about that.

Was drinking involved?
Well, I don't want to discuss what was going on and what was done that night...

Well, you leave us in a weird position here. The affidavit says that you tried to force her -- identified in the report as "Robyn F." -- you tried to force her out of the car. I mean, you must have some memories of the night. This could help people who might be in the same kind of position.
Yes, but I -- I feel like, as far as like for her privacy -- and I respect her enough and -- and respect her privacy, as well as mine, not to let people know and not to let people know what went on and what went down.

Why do you think you were violent?
I don't -- I don't want to go into that. I'm sorry.

I mean, why do you think -- what do you think -- without telling me what she said, you said -- I understand. That's your privacy, you don't have to say it. What do you think caused you to be violent? I mean, you have to think about it. Everybody -- we all think about ourselves -- why did I lose my temper, why did I get angry over this?
I mean, that's -- that's -- relationships. I wouldn't say it's OK. I think in -- just in relationships in general, there's -- there's chances where you lose your temper or like arguments get heated or whatever the case may be. But that's -- that's -- I just think it's -- I'm not saying domestic violence is a part of relationships. I feel like that just there -- there's -- we're young. We're both young. So nobody taught us how to love one another. Nobody taught us a book on how to -- how to control our emotions or our anger. So it's like -- I just -- I'm not -- I'm not trying to fall on the fact that I'm young. I'm just saying it's -- it's just that -- it's a lot of stuff that I wish I could have -- I wish I could have changed that night.

>> On if he remembers beating and threatening to kill Rihanna:
Some of the things -- when you hear about all the things that the police and the reports say you did, how do you react to that?
I -- I don't -- like, I'll just look at it and like, wow, like, I'm in shock. Because, first of all, that's not who I am as a person and that's not who I promise I want to be. And so I -- I just -- when I look at like the police reports or I hear about the police reports, I don't know -- I don't know what -- what to think. I just don't know what to think. I'm just like, wow.

Do you remember doing it?

You don't remember doing it?
I don't -- I don't -- it's like -- it's crazy to me. Like, I was just -- I'm like wow.

>> On seeing the photo of Rihanna's beaten, bruised face after the beatdown:
Larry: When did you first see it?
"I first saw it, I think, like maybe a week after the -- the incident. I think -- I think TMZ or somebody posted it. But I first saw it, yes, that's when.

What did you think?
I -- I didn't know what to think at the time. I was like what, like, because at -- at the time, I just didn't know what -- honestly what to think. And I didn't know if the pictures were altered. I didn't know if they were real. I didn't know what. So I was just like, man. I just felt so disappointed, like, in myself.

But you accepted the fact that you caused it?
I accepted the fact, yes.

And when you look at it six months later, do you have a different reaction?
When I look at it now, it's just like, wow, like, I can't -- I can't believe that -- that actually happened. It's -- it just really like took a toll on me. Like, I was just like wow.

>> On the two prior beatdowns that Rihanna never reported:
Weren't there some previous charges with Rihanna? Did -- weren't there some altercations in the past?
Joyce: There were no charges ever.
Chris: No. No charges, no.

I just want to cover this, because you said -- now, according to the probation report, Chris, there were at least two other incidents of domestic violence between you and Rihanna before the February 8th assault. Neither was ever reported to authorities. Why?
Because -- I don't know. And ...

Are you saying it never happened?
Yes, I'm not aware of those -- those incidents.

Are you saying it never happened, then?
Yes. I mean, I don't have -- especially of those -- of that nature, like, no. Like as a -- as an actual couple, like, we have disputes and arguments, but it's never got to the extent that it got to this point.

>> On meeting Rihanna in Miami weeks after the incident to "rekindle" (wink. wink.) their friendship:
How did that come about?
Well, after the incident, it was like a lot of media frenzy. A lot of stuff going on. I mean, with me and her, it was just like -- just wanted to get away and kind of -- I wouldn't say rekindle our relationship but just build that friendship back up that we had lost briefly with because of the two sides. It was sort of like Romeo and Juliet story, like both sides not wanting us to kind of have contact so we just got away and just wanted to -- and that's the main reason I was on the jet ski. I know I got a lot of flack from that and other people were like, well, why is he on a jet ski, why does he just act like he had no care in the world? Because I was rekindling my relationship with my friend.

Did you rekindle it?
At the time, yes.

Would you say it's rekindle now? I mean, even though you can't see each other and talk to each other?
I'm pretty sure we can always be friends and I don't know about our relationship, but I just -- I know definitely that we ended as friends.

Did she ever say to you, why did you do that?
No. No, never.

Never said that? And you weren't able to tell her because you don't even know why you did it?
Yes, the situation was really touchy, so we didn't really want to -- we just wanted to be friends and relax.

So what did you talk about?
That's personal.

What else we learned from the interview: He still loves Rihanna (BTW, we still believe they're dating, if not sleeping with each other) and that Rihanna calls Joyce "mom".

You've read the words, now watch them come out of his mouth!

Update: Chris' "community labor" duties have been revealed. According to Richmond, Va. Police Chief Bryan Norwood, Chris will remove graffiti, pickup trash, wash cars, and clean and maintain grounds.
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