Friday, April 23, 2010

Olympic Champion Suspended For Taking Penis Enlargement Pills

LaShawn Merritt, the reigning World and Olympic champion at 400 meters, faces a two-year suspension from the sport of track and field for his use of ExtenZe, an over-the-counter male enhancement product that claims to offer "larger, firmer and longer lasting erections."

LaShawn, 23, claims he didn't know it contained the banned substance DHEA and in three consecutive tests from October through January, he tested positive for the steroid.

"To know that I've tested positive as a result of a product I used for personal reasons is extremely difficult to wrap my hands around," he said in a statement.

Hold up a second! Did he say "difficult to wrap my hands around"? He must have realized what he said, because that was a written statement. So, we guess he's letting us know, ExtenZe worked for him.

"I hope my sponsors, family, friends and the sport itself will forgive me for making such a foolish, immature and egotistical mistake. Any penalty that I may receive for my action will not overshadow the embarrassment and humiliation that I feel inside," he added.

The label of ExtenZe mentions DHEA and another steroid called pregnenolone as primary ingredients. As a professional athlete he should know that whatever he puts in his body, especially over the counter supplements, should be carefully analyzed...but who cares about that when you want a larger penis and wanna put it down all night long in the bedroom. Wait, perhaps he's a premature ejaculator, which as you know is not his fault and not most people weren't born as lucky as this guy. Then again, perhaps LaShawn just wanted to fill out those uniforms.

He urged other athletes to be cautious and "read the fine print" because "if it could happen to me, it could happen to you."

Unfortunately, with this two-year suspension, LaShawn's career as a professional track athlete is pretty much done.

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