WATCH: Lady in the Fountain Can't/Shouldn't Be Trusted, Car Surfing, Rat Killer

Remember the lady who faceplanted into a Reading, Pa. mall fountain while texting? Well, her name is Cathy Cruz Marrero and she's none too happy with all the attention and doesn't want fame -- except that she called up the local newspaper and TV station, outing herself. She also appeared on Good Morning America this morning, where she said she plans to sue the mall. Not so fast, Cathy. You really didn't believe the reporters wouldn't "back-trace" you? Well, as it turns out Miss Cathy is a liar and thief with no credibility. The 49-year-old appeared in Reading court room this morning to face charges she stole a co-worker's credit cards to make more than $5,000 in purchases at Zales and Target back in October 2009. According to the Reading Eagle, $1,055 of those purchases were dismissed and Cathy has at least five prior convictions for retail theft and she served a year of probation after being convicted of a hit-and-run charge in 2009. Tsk. Tsk. (Sidebar: The mall has fired one employee for releasing the footage.)


Crazy-ass Nadya Suleman aka Octomom made this "sex tape" probably to make some cash to pay her mortgage and it's irritatingly annoying.





Rick Santorum is a donkey. In this recent interview, the former Republic senator and probable 2012 presidential candidate, says president Barack Obama -- of all people -- should known that aborting fetuses is wrong because, you know, he's black and blacks for a period of time in our history weren't considered people. Wait, what?




I can't!




FIGHT! Teh Gheys are out of control in Melbourne, Australia.




Lady Bunny wrote a ballad to urge Sarah Palin to run for president in 2012.





Grease! Charlamagne goes in on Drake, calling him borderline How You Doin and "acts like an emotional 12-year-old girl."




Car surfing is not only dangerous, two donkeys' drivers licenses were suspended for a year because of it.




Also across the pond. A lawmaker's speech was interrupted when the musical tie (!) he was wearing began to play.




There's a rat killer on the loose in NYC's Washington Square Park. (According to the filmmaker, the dog would mane up to 15 rats in one night).




Criminal has a few words of advice for you criminals...




FIGHT! Slap. Slap. Slap. Slap.




19-year-old Zachary Barber of Alabama kidnapped his adoptive father yesterday by wielding a machete and two knives. He then drove the man, who adopted him when he was six years old, to a bank and tried to force him to withdraw cash. Things didn't work out in Zachary's favor.




In other news: Wendy has a new job. Considering their trend to hire talk show hosts to, ahem, host new programming, the Game Show Network has hired Wendy to host "Love Triangle", which premieres April 18. The program will feature a man or woman dating two people. By the end of each program, they will have to settle on one for an exclusive relationship. Plus, there will be a lie detector! Maybe we'll considering watching this one.