WATCH: Man Choking His Chicken on the Subway, News Attack

Last Sunday while riding the N train in NYC, a man took off his pants, tied a string around his penis and began to masturbate to the horror (and amusement) of straphangers. Thankfully, cops swooped down and arrested the man -- who's clearly not all there.



FIGHT! Brawl breaks out in the Alabama State University cafeteria. WOW!





FIGHT! After a woman asked another to pass the maple syrup at a Denny's in Chicopee, Mass. a brawl breaks out.




FIGHT! After her car was towed during a snow storm in Michigan, Tiffany Nealous, 34, her young son, and boyfriend went to retrieve it. But when the tow company told her about the bill, Tiffany went batshit crazy, tearing the place up, punching, kicking, and scratching an employee and a local reporter. Her son is heard screaming and her boyfriend tries to get her out, all of this only enrages Tiffany further. The shop's owner was eventually able to call 911. She'll be charged with felonious assault, malicious destruction of property, and interfering with a 911 call.




FIGHT! This is appalling, but it must be seen. A group of kids -- mourning the killing of 27-year-old Chester Jackson, who was gunned down outside a Sacramento iHop Sunday -- attacked Fox40 reporter John Lobertini and photojournalist Rebecca Little while they covered the story. The reporters were not seriously hurt. Sidebar: If you want privacy, hold your memorial service indoors, not on a sidewalk. IDIOTS! This cycle of violence never ends. Frankly, we hope all of you are charged with assault.



Here's the view from the attack victims' vantage point.




Some chick named Maureen interviews J (Mascis). Awwwwk-ward!




Wendy lands the first on-camera interview with ailing diva Aretha Franklin. The interview airs next Wednesday.




Someone call DYFS! This 5-year-old girl is being pressured into marrying a man -- but she refuses to because she unemployed. Or something like that.





Holy crap! A car falls from the 3-story parking lot onto the street in Maringa, Parana, Brazil.




Geese marathon?




Did your boyfriend give you a box of cockroaches for Valentine's Day?


(Sidebar: It's from "Panico na TV", a Brazilian TV show.)


This looks perfectly safe.




The iPad 2 is amazing. At 27", it's still portable -- and voice-activated.




Crazy Libyan dictator Muammar Kadafi is off his meds again. The country's citizens are demanding he step down after 41 years in power; he says he's not leaving and has ordered his security forces to kill all protestors.