Sex Offender Caught With 75 Bottles of Lotion Down His Pants

Ordinarily, we like to edit down stories and add our own twist, but this one is too perfect, so we're republishing every single word of it.

Seventy-five bottles of body lotion stuffed down his pants did not help Chamil Guadarrama make a slick getaway.
Guadarrama, 30, of Framingham, was arrested Wednesday night on a charge of shoplifting more than $250 from Bath & Body Works in the Eastfield Mall, Sgt. John M. Delaney, aide to Police Commissioner William J. Fitchet.
When he was apprehended by mall security officers Jane Colon and Jeff Lawlor and held for police after a brief foot chase, Guadarrama was found with 75 8-ounce glass bottles of lotion stuffed into his pants, Delaney said.

“They could not fit Mr. Guadarrama into the cruiser because his pants were bursting at the seams and he could not bend over,” Delaney said.
He said Guadarrama was wearing ordinary trousers but had string tied around each ankle to keep the bottles from slipping out.
The total value of the merchandise was $787.50.
A clerk at the store spotted Guadarrama slipping bottles of lotion through his zipper, and alerted security, Delaney said. Mall Security officer Jane Colon asked him to stop, but Guadarrama tried to run, he said.
Given the sheer volume of merchandise down his pants — the equivalent of nearly 5 gallons — the 5 foot, 10 inch, 210 pound Guadarrama did not exactly tear through the mall with a sprinter’s speed.
Delaney said Colon told police that Guadarrama “had a hard time running and was extremely bowlegged.”
Guadarrama’s legs were also “extremely chaffed” when he was taken into custody following his run, Delaney said. “He needed the use of some of the stolen items,” he said.
Guadarrama pleaded innocent at his district court arraignment Thursday. He was released on his own recognizance and ordered to return to court on March 19.

See, wasn't that too good to mess with?


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