After 9-year-old Curtis Bowen (who's black) was allegedly slapped by a teacher (who's white) at Martin Luther King Jr. Elementary School in Kansas City on Oct. 19, his mother, Lisa Henry Bowen, (pictured) sent school district superintendent John Covington a 40-page letter of outlandish and down-right crazy demands, which she cc'ed to President Obama, Vice President Biden, their wives, three senators and more than 20 other state and local officials. In the letter, Lisa (bless her heart) claims the teacher (Ms Curry) slapped Curtis with an open hand across 1/4 of his face because he was horsing around outside her classroom. Ms Curry supposedly apologized after the slap-ation, but Curtis didn't accept and his mother has taken matters into her own hands because, according to her, "Ms Curry is one audacious white bitch with 'balls' to come up in my neighborhood and slap black children around."
Lisa, a jazz singer, attempted to file assault charges against Ms Curry, but she got the run-around. So, she tried to report Ms Curry to the Department of Social Services, but the rep allegedly told her it's "not considered child abuse [because Curtis'] skin was not broken with the slap." So, Lisa penned this 40-page document which she posted to her Web site and mailed it to about 200 people.
In the letter, which you can read below, Lisa demands that the school district institutes a "We Don't Hit Kids Here" policy and fire the teacher, but the demands get nuttier and nuttier from there. For instance, Lisa demands that the school gives Curtis a $1,500 Walmart gift card every year for the next nine years, a free college education, two trips to Disney World, nine years of private tennis lessons, season tickets to the opera, theater, and ballet, almost a decade's worth of psychological counseling by "the best black child psychologist in the country," a whole orchestra's worth of new musical instruments, a three-week trip to Africa at a five-star hotel, and a personal audience with President Obama. She also demands the full payment of her mortgage, a new car, home remodeling, free psychological, dental, and medical care for the next nine years, and a job with the school district -- and not just any job; Lisa wants an "independent consulting contract position with the Kansas City Missouri School district, for the next nine years. My consulting fee begins at $15,000 per month, minimum 6 months contract."
Plus, she has created a personal appearance fee schedule. If any "governmental, legal, enforcement and educational system operatives, agents, representatives" wish to speak to her, her husband, Leslie, or their "sovereign property" Curtis, about the slap-ation, then it will cost them. Prices start at $3000 for 45 minutes. (The money which must be wired to her account 10 days in advance.) For Curtis to speak about the slap-ation, it'll cost $4000 plus an additional $6000 because he's accompanied by Lisa and Leslie at all times. In case her 40-page demand letter isn't enough and you want information by regular or e-mail, it will set you back $1000 per page, plus her $3000 fee.
Lisa also enclosed a non-negotiable bill for $250,000 (which she's seeking from five different entities for a total of $1.25 million) to be paid in money orders or silver coins (!) for "the unlawful handling and damaging of God given and ordained personal property, Curtis Bowen, belonging to Lisa Henry."
WE CAN'T!!! Seriously.
Obviously, she anticipated people would conclude that she's one crazy bitch, so Lisa wrote in the letter: "To those ... who say I've gone 'overboard.' I kindly and respectfully invite them to kiss my entire black ass!!!"
BTW: Here's the crazy letter. Go grab some popcorn, pull up a chair and read!