Happy New Year!

We would like to wish all our readers a happy and prosperous new year. It's our wish that the new year -- and new decade -- will bring you lots of happiness, success and love.

Stay safe and drink responsibly. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! We'll see all of you back here on Monday.


BTW: Here's an amazing mash-up of the top 25 songs of 2009 -- in under 5 minutes!


The Black Eyed Peas - "Boom Boom Pow", Lady Gaga - "Poker Face", Lady Gaga (Featuring Colby O’Donis) - "Just Dance", The Black Eyed Peas - "I Gotta Feeling", Taylor Swift - "Love Story", Flo Rida - "Right Round", Jason Mraz - "I'm Yours", Beyoncè - "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)", Kanye West - "Heartless", The All-American Rejects - "Gives You Hell", Taylor Swift - "You Belong With Me", T.I. (Featuring Justin Timberlake) - "Dead And Gone", The Fray - "You Found Me" // Kings Of Leon - "Use Somebody", Keri Hilson (Featuring Kanye West & Ne-Yo) - "Knock You Down", Jamie Foxx (Featuring T-Pain) - "Blame It", Pitbull - "I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho)", T.I. (Featuring Rihanna) - "Live Your Life", Soulja Boy (Featuring Sammie) - "Kiss Me Thru The Phone", Jay Sean (Featuring Lil Wayne) - "Down", Miley Cyrus - "The Climb", Drake - "Best I Ever Had", Kelly Clarkson - "My Life Would Suck Without You", Beyoncè - "Halo", Katy Perry - "Hot N Cold"

Tiger Woods' Jumpoff Rachel Uchitel Finally Speaks To The Media About Affair ... Or Not

Where in the world is Tiger Woods? In sex rehab in Phoenix, perhaps? Or is he healing from emergency facial reconstruction surgery after wife Elin beat his ass with a golf club last November when she learned he was jumping off with Rachel Uchitel?

Speaking of that skettel, Palm Beach's WPBF 25 News swooped down on Rachel (AAARRGGGGHHH!) at her family home to ask what everyone wants to know: Is she still having sex with Tiger? And to everyone's surprise, Rachel gave an interview -- albeit brief -- saying she can't confirm or deny whether she and Tiger are still getting it in.

Reporter Terri Parker even swooped down on Regis Philbin, who is recovering from hip replacement surgery, to ask him about Tiger and Rachel's affair.

WPBF is on it! Work those sources!

BTW: The Florida Highway Patrol has said Tiger had a "fat lip" and no other visible facial injuries when he met with officers on Dec. 1 at an undisclosed location in Orlando after the infamous nightclubbing incident. The FHP wanted to see if Tiger had any injuries that would show he was a victim of domestic violence; He had none.

Cop Arrested After Pulling Women Over, Raping Them in Back Seat of Police Car!

A Charlotte-Mecklenburg, NC police officer was charged with sexually assaulting two female motorists while in uniform and operating his squad car. Officer Marcus Jackson, 25, was charged with sexual battery, second-degree sex offense, extortion, kidnapping, indecent exposure and two counts of felonious restraint. WCNC NewsChannel 36 reports that Marcus pulled over two women on separation occasions and raped them. (One of the victims is 17 years old, the other is a 21.) The 17-year-old girl said Marcus ordered her into his marked patrol car on Dec. 18, drove to another location, and sexually assaulted her. The other woman said he did the same thing to her the previous night.

Report: Whitney is Probably, Certainly, Allegedly Riding The White Horse Named Cocaine Again

You know we love us some Whitney. While her much-lauded comeback album has fizzled and garnered no Grammy nods (we think she was robbed!), the singer's friends are continuing to tell the National Enquirer that Whitney's behavior is reminiscent of when she was doing drugs. As you may recall, Whitney told Oprah last September she did crack, that Bobby spat in her face and she's still tempted by the drug. Also during that interview: She called Oprah a liar.

This latest source says:

"Everyone is worried about her. Whitney seems to go from being a nervous wreck to being completely out of it in a short period of time -- just like she did when she was freebasing and using crack cocaine. She is still drinking and with Whitney, alcohol and drugs have always gone hand-in-hand. She's worked hard so to get back on top, it would be tragic or it to go up in smoke because she can't stay clean."

The Enquirer says Whitney was "freaking out" about going to Europe to promote her new album, but, as usual, her mentor Clive Davis was there to calm her down and she ultimately got on the plane.

But friends say the strange outbursts continued. She was able to pull herself together after this wardrobe malfunction, but Whitney, allegedly, lost it backstage at the Italian version of "The X Factor."

"Whitney managed to hold it together on stage, but it was chaos behind the scenes. It was as if she didn't know where she was half of the time," the source added. "You can't help worrying that she's slipped back unto some of her bad habits."

Now her people fear her comeback tour may be in jeopardy if she can't get it together.


Source: National Enquirer, Jan. 10, 2010, print edition.

Mike Tyson Won't Face Charges For Punching Photographer

Prosecutors have decided not to prosecute Mike Tyson following a scuffle at LAX with a celebrity photographer, according to KTLA News.

Mike was arrested on a battery charge in November after the boxer and a paparazzo got into physical altercation at the United Airlines ticket counter at Terminal 7. The photographer suffered a "minor laceration to the forehead" and was treated at a hospital.

The L.A. City Attorney officially rejected the case against Mike yesterday, claiming insufficient evidence, according to L.A. City Attorney spokesman Frank Mateljan. Attorneys have also refused to prosecute the photographer, who was also charged with battery.


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Man: 'I Just Couldn't Stop Stabbing My Wife'

Last weekend cops arrived at a home in Peoria, Ariz. and found 42-year-old Julian Noriega with a knife in his hand, his clothes soaked with blood and his wife, Marciela Noriega, 46, riddled with stab wounds -- about 30 of them.

She later died and Julian was charged with second-degree murder, according to The Arizona Republic.

What Had Happened Was: Julian (pictured) confronted Marciela in their bedroom about cheating on him. She denied having an affair and pushed him. He pushed her to the floor and began choking her. She bit his finger and he pulled out his knife and began stabbing her. He continued stabbing her until he heard police knocking on the door downstairs. 'I just could not stop... I think I just killed my wife,' he told police.


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Is Barbara Walters Dating Whoopi's Ex?

Quiet on the set! Whoopi Goldberg and Barbara Walters are fighting over a man and it's not part of "Hot Topics."

According to the Enquirer, Barbara's "recent dates" with Frank Langella, a man Whoopi dated -- and lived with -- for a few years in the 1990s, is causing tension between "The View" co-hosts.

Frank and Barbara have attended two recent public events: The New York Public Library Annual Library Lions Gala on Nov. 2 and The Kennedy Center Honors in Washington on Dec. 6

"Whoopi still has feelings for Frank and doesn't think it's cool of Barbara to take up with her former lover. It's created an awkward situation for them and others around the studio. In Whoopi's eyes, Frank's just not any other guy. He was her man, and they lived together for years," says a source.

A set insider adds the two women appear friendly on screen, but once the on-air sign dims, Whoopi "barely speaks to Barbara."

Adds the source: "Whoopi knows she's being silly to let her emotions get the better of her, but as hard as she tries, she can't help resent Barbara dating the guy who was once the love of her life."

By the way, Barbara has said her relationship with Frank is "not a romance."



Source: National Enquirer, Jan. 11, 2010, print edition

Houston Man Rapes, Robs Elderly Women

Houston police are looking for a man suspected of robbing and raping two elderly women in Sharpstown area of southwest Houston. The first attack happened late November, Fox 26 News reports. The man raped an 80-year-old on her way to a physical therapy appointment. She had just had hip replacement surgery. He stole her car. The second attack happened on Dec. 21. The man confronted a 64-year-old woman in an bedroom, robbed then raoed her. Investigators believe the attacker began watching his victim the night before. When police found the first victim's car, the stereo was tuned into a gospel station which the woman say she never listened to. Representatives from that station plan to meet with the police to see how they can use the airwaves to help the investigation. (Sidebar: How does that work?)

Woman Drugs, Poisons Second Child in Four Years!

This story is so sad and should serve as yet another example why some people shouldn't be allowed to breed.

A 25-year-old Oregon woman has pleaded guilty (and sentenced to 7 1/2 years in prison) to poisoning her 2-month-old daughter with morphine in a bid to attract the attention of the child's father. And get this: In 2005, she spent six months in jail on charges of poisoning her 11-month-old son with a high dose of morphine, because ... [wait for it]... she wanted the attention of his father.

Just to be clear: Her son and daughter are fathered by two different men.

Sara Rose Dillard (pictured), a former medical assistant, rushed her daughter (whose name is Elise) to a local emergency room on June 3. Elise was barely breathing and had a low heart rate, which then resulted in the child being rushed to a larger hospital in Portland where toxicology tests came back positive for opiates (morphine).

She told hospital staff she was taking morphine for a medical condition and that the drug must have passed through her breast milk, but tests of the bottled milk found a potentially lethal level of opiates.

Busted!

She admitted to putting a morphine pill on Elise's tongue after being upset that the baby's father, cardiologist Wallace Lai (she snagged a doctor! a heart doctor! a married heart doctor!), hadn't come to the hospital to visit her.

Elise is in foster care. Her son is living with his father.

When she's released from prison, she will be barred from having any unsupervised contact with any child without the written consent of her therapist; She'll also have to undergo mental health counseling.

Now, will someone tie her tubes?


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Jamie Foxx Begged Male Fan to Be His 'Gay Sex Toy'

The National Enquirer has been throwing grease for a very a long time. Way back in 1993, the tab published this photograph of Jamie Foxx along with the bare facts. Why was he naked - except for a fuzzy-bunny bikini covering his man parts? Um, he was dancing (as in stripping) for an audience of male fans. Now the tabloid says the gay rumors are just that and the single 42-year-old singer/actor/entertainer is often seen "gallivanting with beautiful women." Wink. Wink. Didn't Superhead already close this case? Just saying.


Source: National Enquirer, Jan. 11, 2010, print edition

Inmate Gave Lap Dance to Prison Guard Who Gave Him Nude Photos to Masturbate To. Sounds Like a Win-Win

A Dallas County jail guard has resigned while under investigation for allowing a 20-year-old male inmate to give her a lap dance, reports the Dallas Morning News.

Witnesses said Officer Kytrina Lewis was very close to the inmate, Gregory Miller, and gave him her personal cellphone, which contained naked photos of herself to which he masturbated.

She said in a statement that she knew Gregory from school.

"I asked Miller one day could he still dance like in school," she said. "He stated yes, and on that particular day, he did dance seductively behind my desk."

But another officer says Gregory was straddling Kytrina and was "moving his hips in a circular slow motion and motioning his body in a sexually erotic way as if he were a male [stripper]."

Gregory, who is in jail awaiting trial on charges of aggravated robbery and engaging in organized criminal activity, said in a statement that he didn't know Kytrina previously and that she asked him to dance for her. He said he and Kytrina had been "talking" for about a month.

She brought a CD player into the jail and allowed the inmates to listen to music and use her cell phone -- which violate jail policy.

Miss Kytrina resigned on Dec. 9. She'll have to find her a criminal on the streets.


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Woman Went to Visit Sister's Grave, But Found Her Feet Sticking Out. WTF!

Mary Marsh went to the Holt Cemetery in New Orleans to visit the grave of her sister, who passed of a brain aneurysm last September. When she arrived though, she saw her sister's decomposing feet sticking out. "It was her birthday. They [her children] bought some birthday cards and flowers and everything, and they were going to tell their mother Happy Birthday. But we came out here, and we came to a hole with part of her body hanging out," Mary told WWLTV. "Where is the casket? Where is the beautiful casket?" We would like to know that, too, Mary. And why isn't the city of New Orleans doing a better job of taking care of this cemetery? From the look of this place, we're not surprised limbs are hanging out of open graves.

Man Arrested For Spanking Wife

This story is so rich, we can't take it.

According to the Lowell Sun newspaper, a Billerica, Mass. man has been arrested for spanking his wife after the couple had an argument about his addiction to online pornography.

The wife claims Robert Noetzel, 47, pulled down her pants and spanked her two times with an open hand, leaving welt marks.

After the spankation, the wife was pissed.

The Sun reports: "The wife retaliated by [grabbing] a belt and swinging it at her husband, yelling 'How does that feel?' according to court documents. The husband chased her again, throwing her on the bed and [slapped] her on the behind again, according to court documents. When she threw her cell phone at him, Noetzel allegedly pushed his wife and she fell. He then began kicking her and grabbed her by the neck, according to court documents."

Robert was released after pleading not guilty to one count of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon and his wife has taken out a restraining order against him.

This was probably a misunderstanding. Robert was trying to perform erotic spanking on his wife (like in the photo above). Had she been watching porn, then she would known it's harmless.

That will certainly be his defense.


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20% of Marriages End in Divorce Because of ... [Drum Roll]...Facebook!

We all know the dangers of Facebook: It can get you fired and/or land you in jail, but in this Houston's Fox 26 news piece, the social networking site is cited as the reason twenty percent of Americans get divorced. We know of at least one woman who will not have to worry about getting a divorce because of Facebook, that's because her wedding was canceled because of Facebook.

BTW: Don't forget to add us as a friend. We promise to never divorce you. Well, if we meet your better looking, wealthier 5th cousin once removed, then all bets are off. ;-)

Judge Who Tried To Solicit Woman For Sex (and a better attorney) Resigns

A Houston judge has resigned weeks after he was conviction of trying to woo a woman facing a drunken-driving charge, KPRC Local 2 reports.

Judge Donald Jackson delivered the one-sentence letter of resignation yesterday to county commissioners; It's effective at 5pm tomorrow.

Judge Jackson, a criminal court judge, saw a 28-year woman in his court room and offered her a better court-appointed attorney if she'd agree to have sex with him.

Clearly, he didn't think that was OK. Or did he?

He was convicted of the misdemeanor earlier this month and was sentenced to 30 days in jail, two years probation, 200 hours of community service, a $4,000 fine and ordered to legal ethics courses.

This judge did it bigger and better than Donald ever could.


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Woman Found Bank Door Unlocked !!! Guess What She Did.

On Christmas Eve, Veneita Alsop went to her local Wells Fargo Bank in Tracy, Calif. hoping to withdraw some cash to spend on holiday gifts, but she got the surprise of her life -- one of the doors was open.

We're not talking about the door to the ATMs, but the door to inside of the bank!!!

She walked in, no one was around. Instead of scaling the counter and stuff her bra with cash, Veneita (one of dem names) told KCRA news she was concerned. She thought something sinister was going down, like the employees were being held hostage, so she called police.

When cops arrived, they did a walk-through to make sure no one was was tied up in the vault and that all the monies were where it should. A bank manager was called to lock the door.

The bank closed early that day, everyone was eager to get home to do their own last-minute shopping and forgot the lock the door.



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Jump, Duck and Roll

These girls decided to jump out of a runaway car on a slippery road. Not very smart.

Former KKK Leader is Now Minister at Black Church. Seriously.

Johnny Lee Clary, who spent 16 years as member of the Ku Klux Klan and served as the hate organization's imperial wizard, was ordained by the Church of God in Christ in San Diego late last month. That act makes Johnny an ordained minister in the largest black denomination in America.

Johnny claims he learned to hate black early - after his racist father committed suicide and his alcoholic mother sent him to with her drug-dealer sister in Los Angeles. He says he was beaten up, which lead him to join the KKK -- for protection. That's what he claims.

In 1989, after becoming the Klan's spokesman and appearing on talk shows, including Oprah, he quit the Klan. Well, he was forced to quit the Klan after rumors began circulating around the other klansmen that he was a member of the FBI. After a few years, he tried to commit suicide because he was depressed and broke, but at that second he noticed a Bible and started to read it.

"I put one bullet in my gun. I saw a Bible sitting there, and thought maybe I could get forgiveness before I killed myself," he tells Tulsa World news.

He changed his life around and is now a minister in the 6-million-member Church of God in Christ.

"I've learned that good friends come in all colors. I believe I have something to contribute in the area of racial reconciliation. I'm going to spend the rest of my life building bridges and bringing people together," he says.

PS: There's actual video of the ordination.



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Man Shoots Prostitute Because She Wouldn't Have Sex With Him

A San Antonio, Texas man has been arrested after shooting Lenora Ivie Frago -- a hooker he hired -- because she wouldn't have sex with him on Christmas Eve.

According to KABB, Ezekiel Gilbert, 27, paid Lenora for a specific amount of time, but thirty minutes later she called a friend to come pick her up from the Camino Real Apartments. Ezekiel and Lenora got into an argument when she wouldn't return his money -- or give him sex -- so, he shot her twice -- once in the neck and once in the back -- as she got into her friend's car.

Craziness!

Leonora is now paralyzed from the waist down and is breathing through a ventilator.

Ezekiel has been charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon; if (God forbids) Lenora dies, charges will most likely be upgraded to murder. For now, however, he's free on bond.


UPDATE, June 6, 2013:
Lenora became paralyzed and died seven months after the shooting. After almost 11 hours of deliberations that stretched over two days, a jury acquitted Ezekiel of murder on June 5, 2013. During closing arguments, Ezekiel's lawyers admitted to the shooting, but claimed their client's intent wasn't to kill Lenora -- he was merely trying to retrieve stolen property: the $150 he paid her. It became theft when she refused to have sex with him or give the money back, they said. Outside of the courtroom, Ezekiel thanked God, his attorneys and the jury for being able to “see what wasn't the truth” and for the “second chance.” He added: “I sincerely regret the loss of the life of Ms. Frago. I've been in a mental prison the past four years of my life. I have nightmares. If I see guns on TV where people are getting killed, I change the channel.”



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Our Family Reunions Are Just Like This

The folks over in Cuzco, Peru have a really odd custom -- to rid themselves of grudges, they beat the hell out of each other. And, yes, children do it, too.

11-Year-Old Girl Sets Mom On Fire

An 11-year-old (Samantha Broadhead) and her 15-year-old boyfriend (Jack Ault) of Clearwater, Fla. have been charged with attempted murder after setting Samantha's mother on fire early Tuesday morning.

At around 1am , the pair poured gasoline over Nancy Broadhead's bed and bedroom floor while she slept and then ignited it. Then they fled the scene in the her car, according to the St. Petersburg Times.

Nancy (pictured) was awakened by the smoke detector and was able to get out - but not before suffering "serious burns" and smoke inhalation. Her injuries were described as serious but not life threatening.

What could drive an 11-year-old terror to want to kill her mother? Well, it's complicated. No one knows the answer - except her. But, they have an "extensive family history" of cases filed with the state Department of Children and Families. Among the charges was a 2002 case of child neglect without great harm to which Nancy pleaded guilty.

The day before, Nancy confronted Samantha about the cigarettes she stole from her.

The mother was unaware of the plot and was overhead screaming "My baby! Where's my baby!" thinking the Samantha was still inside the engulfed home.

The daughter and her 15-year-old boyfriend (you know they're having sex, right?), planned to get married. Those plans will have to wait.

Both were charged with attempted murder and arson resulting in serious injury. Jack was also charged with grand theft charge related to stealing Nancy's car. Samantha is being detained for psychiatric assessment after making statements that made detectives believe she may try to harm herself.

And as you suspect, Jack's mother is saying her son is innocent. He probably is. Samantha, on the other hand, not so much.



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What's Jay-Z Feeding His Bodyguards?

We didn't know Jay-Z had six bodyguards (50 Cent? Sure!) or have this much time on his hands, but according to a new report, he mixes his guards a special concoction and watches over them to make sure they drink every drop.

"Every day Jay-Z lines up his guards, hands them a protein drink of his own concoction - fresh vegetable juices, fruits, protein powder, wheat germ, vitamin supplements - then eyeballs the tough guys until every last drop is gone," according to a source.

Certainly he can't do this while on the road. No worries. He supposedly gives the secret recipe to hotel kitchens and when he's ready, he summons room service to bring seven glasses of the drink for him and his bodyguards.


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Teacher Caught Having Sex With 13-year-old Student in Bushes is Going to Prison

Ashley Beach, 37, who used to be a teacher at Meridian Middle School in Boise, Idaho was sentenced to 20 years in prison for having sex with a 13-year-old student. Ashley was apologetic and crying in court yesterday, but when cops found her with the boy in the bushes she told them "I'm his stepmother. I'm here to help him." Now, that's odd. What could she possibly be helping him do when they're both naked together. In the bushes! Child molester, dry your eyes and go do your time. Sheesh!

Bicycle Slays Motorcycle

Somewhere in China, a man stops two thieves in their tracks by throwing the bicycle he's riding onto the motorcycle they were traveling on -- then he runs away like a little bish.

Thief Called 911 to Report Stolen Truck Ran Out of Gas

Let's get to today's donkey, shall we?

A man in Tacoma, Washington called 911 to report the truck he was witnessed stealing from a storage yard had run out of gas.

The 19-year-old idiot stole the city-owned silver 1985 Chevy truck on Monday and after filling the tank with unleaded gas (instead of diesel), the truck was stalled on the highway.

So, instead of walking away, the idiot decided to call 911 to report that the vehicle had run out of gas, KING 5 News reports. When troopers got there, they say the suspect tried to disguise himself as a City Transfer worker by wearing a fluorescent green reflector vest he found in the truck.

He was identified as the person who stole the truck and was taken immediately to jail.


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Whatever You Do, Please Don't Leave Your Baby With Crackheads

A 36-year-old Milwaukee man was charged this afternoon with killing a 6-month-old girl last weekend and stuffing her body under a mattress, reports the Journal Sentinel.

Darius Enell Woodley (pictured) is charged with first-degree reckless homicide in connection with the killing of Dekia Mattox (pictured, inset).

This story is all sorts of crazy (and sad), so hold on to your hats.

According to the criminal complaint, Dekia's 15-year-old mother, Diamond Mattox, went shopping for Christmas gifts last Thursday and left the child in the care of the baby's great-aunt Sharon Coleman. While you were having a meal with your family, Sharon and her boyfriend, Willie J. McElroy, were out robbing and stealing and used the stolen money to buy drugs. They smoked crack and marijuana laced with crack, snorted heroin and drank beer, according to the complaint. On Christmas night, Sharon left the house with an unidentified man (to do God knows what), leaving Darius and Willie to take care of the baby. At around 2am Saturday morning, Willie left to find Sharon, but he couldn't find her, but he did happen to buy $10 worth of crack. When he returned to the house, Darius was lying on the bed; Dekia was nowhere to be found.

Willie woke him to ask where the baby was and when Darius said he didn't know where she was, Willie conducted a search of the place. When he entered a bedroom, he saw "a hump in the mattress and at that time he lifted up the mattress and observed the body of Dekia lying under the mattress." The baby was dead. Darius confessed saying: "Man, I didn't mean to do that." He then tried to run away from the home, but he was caught.

During the commotion, cops arrived and Darius told an officer: "Arrest me, man, put me in your car." When asked why he should be arrested, he said, "Just put the cuffs on me and put me in the car, something happened to the baby."

Where was Dekia's mother? We haven't a clue, but according to the police complaint, she returned to the home on Saturday (two days after she left to go Christmas shopping) after she heard something happened to her baby.

Dekia died of closed head injuries.


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That'll Learn Him

An 18-year-old San Clemente, Calif. idiot was hospitalized with head injuries last Sunday after the Christmas tree he was riding slammed into a parked car.

Jim Amormino, the idiot, was out Christmas tree surfing (see video below for an illustration) when the car's driver took a corner and the tree veered wide and crashed.

His friend that was driving the car, fled the scene before cops arrived, leaving Jim injured on the street.



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Report: Elin Knocked Out Tiger Woods' Teeth, Broke Jaw With Golf Club. (He Needed Emergency Plastic Surgery!)

Somewhere recovering from emergency plastic surgery, golfer Tiger Woods is grateful that would-be bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab and wife beater Charlie Sheen have been dominating the news of late and not him.

No so fast, Tiger.

Author and retired Atlanta Journal-Constitution sports writer Furman Bisher received some very interesting information from a fellow journalist that explains what really happened that night Tiger and wife Elin Nordegren went nightclubbing. Allegedly.

Read!

"I have a Member who lives 10 houses down from Tiger in Isleworth. As we know Tiger’s agent is Mark Steinberg. My Member plays golf and is real good friends with another IMG Agent; who is very good friends with Steinberg and they share the same office. This information came from the other IMG Agent to my Member, and then to me today, and according to them is up to date as yesterday when my Member left Orlando.

On Thanksgiving Day, after he and Elin and the family had turkey dinner, he spent the rest of the afternoon on the couch watching football and texting Rachel. After each received and sent text message he would clear his message box to rid himself of the evidence. Sometime in between there, one of his Orlando buds called him to see if he wanted to get together at the Clubhouse to play poker with the guys, to which Tiger said yes. Tiger left the house around 7:30 to go play poker, and left behind his cell phone….and one message he had forgot to delete from Rachel.

When Tiger returned home around 11:30 -12 that night, Elin confronted him about the text message in the phone, and the started a heated discussion to its regards. According to what I was told, there was more “incriminating evidence” than just the text message (i.e. photos). Tiger tried to play it off to Elin by telling her she was reading too much in to it, and did not know the story, etc. Tiger went upstairs to change into his gym shorts and t – shirt, came back down, and Elin confronted him again; to which Tiger gave the same story. Tiger sat down in a chair in the living room, and Elin sat across from him urging Tiger to just come clean. Tiger stayed to his guns and denied everything. At one point Tiger turned away to look at the TV, and as he turned back, Elin hit him on the right side of the face with the head of a 9 – iron. When she struck Tiger, she put a huge gash in the right side of his face next to his nose (causing his nose to bruise some), and virtually knocking two of his upper teeth out, and breaking the bone on the upper right side. Tiger ran scared as hell out of the house (which is why he had on no shoes) with Elin swinging the golf club throughout the hallway to the garage (i.e. causing the severe damage which has been reported). Tiger hoped in the Escalade and tried to leave; and as we know Elin knocked out the windows in the Escalade. When Tiger crashed, Elin panicked and was not sure what to tell the police (which is why there are two conflicting stories from her). When this happened, Elin immediately called Mark Steinberg to tell him what happened, and Mark told Elin to tell him what hospital they were going to, and he would meet them there.

Tiger is transported to the hospital with Elin in the ambulance, and as they arrive Mark is there waiting for them. The people from the hospital and the doctors take Tiger in for X-Rays etc to check out the damage caused. The doctors tell Mark there is not much they can do to repair the teeth and the gash, but the doctor knows a cosmetic dentist and plastic surgeon in Phoenix who will make Tiger look as if nothing happened. Tiger tells Mark to get the jet ready and let’s head to Phoenix to get this done. Friday after Tiger is released from the hospital, he does not return home; he and Mark board the plane for Phoenix. If you remember FHP kept showing up at Isleworth to talk to Tiger, and was told by another FL attorney (who Tiger hired for PR reasons) Tiger was not ready to talk. Well now we know why, he was in Phoenix, and did not arrive back in Orlando until either late last Wednesday night or early Thursday morning. The surgeries were more intense than what they had originally planned, which meant Tiger was in PHX longer than he should have been. Upon arriving back in Orlando, Tiger and Elin have been in intense marriage counseling sessions (up to 6 to 7 hours a day) every day! Both Tiger and Elin have told the counselors they love each other, and want to make the marriage work. The reports you are reading on TMZ and RadarOnline are about 30% accurate at best according to Mark.

In regards to Tiger’s boat being in Palm Beach this week, along with Rachel; that part is true. However, Tiger is not on the boat, and is not in Palm Beach; and Rachel is not on the boat. Her parents live 6 blocks from where the boat is, but that is it. Tiger has not returned to his house at Isleworth since the day of the accident except for the therapy sessions. IMG has enlisted the assistance of one of its most recognized sports figures, and Tiger has taken up residence in his neighborhood, Bay Hill. IMG contacted Arnold Palmer because of the high regard in which Tiger holds Arnold. Arnold has agreed, and IMG has said if anyone can get through to Tiger, Arnold may be the only person who can, based on his public persona when he was at the height of his game as well. The moving trucks being shown on TMZ and RadarOnline are moving out pictures and furniture which was damaged during their Thanksgiving Day argument; not of her moving out. Yes, Elin has retained a divorce attorney, but has not filed any papers, and as of yesterday had no intention on doing so. Tiger has not made any public appearances or statements due to the surgery and plastic surgery he had in PHX. It will be about another month if not more before he gets in front of a camera. Yes, Tiger is hitting golf balls late at night at Bay Hill out of their teaching center (which is equipped with lights)."

We believe it!

PS: This report seems to stem from a an e-mail that has been floating around for a few days now and could be a hoax. Nonetheless, it seems like an accurate account to us.

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Seriously, We Cannnnnnnnnn't!!!

This type of behavior will get you arrested nowadays.

Watch!

Philly Grandma Found Dead With a TV on Her Head

Philadelphia police are investigating the suspicious death of 83-year-old Ethel Taylor. The elderly woman was found with a TV on top of her head and plastic bag nearby, reports Fox 29 news. The medical examiner is conducting tests to determine if her death of accidental or if she was killed during a botched robbery. But, that too is puzzling. The doors to the woman's home were locked and there was no sign of forced entry. However, the power was out and the electrical box in the back alley appeared to have been tampered with and a light above the back door was also broken.

'Put It In Me Now!'

She Gorgeous Twitpic'd this photo last Sunday and we're still trying to figure out what's going on.

One thing we know for sure: The next time we take the NYC subway, we're bringing Lysol. Lots of it.

WTF! Elementary School Students Are Beating Up Their Teachers -- Even The Pregnant Ones!

What the eff is going on down there in Pittsburg? According to WPXI 11 News, at least eleven elementary school teachers have been assaulted, punched or choked by their students and since the beginning of the school year, police have taken 30 separate reports, including reports of students fighting each other. Three of the teachers had to be taken to the hospital via ambulance. In this latest incident, a fourth-grade pregnant teacher's student ran directly into her, head-butting her in the stomach. All of this is happening at the Fairless School in the Woodland Hills School District. Obviously, these children are "fearless" -- fearless of going to prison.

BTW: the pregnant teacher was checked out and she's fine.


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Quick! Someone Call Bob, Jillian, Dr Ian (and DFCS, Too)

Before the members of this morbidly obese family eat themselves to death, TLC will do a little exploiting via the network's new show "One Big Happy Family", which premiers tonight.

The Cole family, which hails from North Carolina, together weighs more than 1,400 pounds!

Mom Tameka, 36, who has two jobs, is 380 pounds. Stay-at-home dad Norris, 41, is 340 pounds. Son Shayne, 14, weighs in at 336 pounds and Amber, 16, who weighs in at 348 pounds and considers vegetables "cow food" is "super obese"!

Watching these people inhale trays and trays of sweet, sugary snacks and junk food is making us ill.

The Coles don't need a reality show, they need an intervention -- with a team of doctors!

Man Tracks Down Stolen Belongings on eBay

A British man was browsing eBay one day and saw some familiar items up for for bid and he didn't list them.

Tristan Brooks, 30, told the Daily Mail that a week before he was scheduled to move into his new home, he found out that his $13,000 kitchen (that he saved up for ten years to outfit) had been stripped. His refrigerator, oven, toaster, trash can and even curtain hooks were all stolen. And to add insult

After the theft, cops told him they had no leads. His girlfriend suggested he log on to see if any of the items were listed -- and they were.

"I logged on and all of a sudden," Tristan said. "I was staring at the screen and looking at my fridge freezer. It was being sold by somebody in Bridgend," which is only 30 miles from where he lives in Pontcanna, Cardiff in the UK.

He posed as an interested buyer and arranged a time to meet the seller at his home and spotted all of this goods. He quickly called police who arrested the suspect.

Tristan was able to recover all of the stolen goods.


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Man Drives Drunk With 5 Kids in Car

Police have arrested Edward Hudson, 32, of Evanston, Ohio because he was driving drunk with five children in a car.

Edward was initially pulled over for speeding (he was going 79 mph in a 55 mph zone), according to WLWT TV, but cops became suspicious and asked to perform Breathalyzer test. He refused.

He was swiftly taken into custody and charged with five counts of child endangering, operating a vehicle under the influence, driving with a suspended license, improper use of a child restraint, speeding and refusal to submit to a chemical test.


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Georgia County to Charge Car Crash Victims For Saving Their Lives

Municipalities around the country are doing whatever they can to bridge the budget gap, but this scheme in DeKalb County, Georgia is going a bit over the top. We think.

The county (which includes several cities including Decatur, Pine Lake and parts of Atlanta) plans to charge $250 to car crash victims. Let's rephrase: If you get in a car crash and the fire department has to forcibly remove you from the wreck, you'll be charged $250. (Well, you'll be charged for the first wreck, if you were to get into another terrible accident, that extrication will be free.)

Officials try to rationalize the fee, saying it will prevent tax hikes and layoffs.

The question then is: What if someone can't pay the $250, will they just let you die?


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Ron Artest Suffers Concussion, Cuts After Falling Down Flight of Stairs

Los Angeles Lakers forward Ron Artest suffered a concussion from the fall he took on Christmas night after he tripped on a box and fell down a flight of stairs at his home.

According to team, Ron -- who just weeks ago confessed to being a cheater -- tripped and fell down the steps, gashing open his head and cutting his left elbow. He got stitches and a C-T scan at the emergency room at the UCLA Ronald Reagan Medical Center and was released.

We won't even begin to speculate as to the circumstances of how he came to "trip" over a box and tumble down the stairs, but we wish him a speedy recovery.


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Pastor Shoots, Kills Son on Christmas

A pastor fatally shot one of his eight children on Christmas Day during a dispute at the family home, where more than a dozen relatives had gathered to celebrate the holiday, police said. Kirk Caldwell killed 21-year-old Jordan Caldwell after intervening in a violent confrontation between the son and a woman at around 2 pm at their home in Darby, Pennsylvania. Kirk fired a single shot, striking his son in the chest, police Chief Robert Smythe said. Jordan died at a hospital shortly afterward.

India's Governor Resigns After Sex Tape Airing

One of India's top government officials has resigned after a local TV station aired a video -- yes, a sex tape -- of him in bed with three women.

Gov. Narain Dutt Tiwari, who is 84 years old(!), said the footage was doctored and resigned because of health reasons -- not because he was seen getting a professional on tape.

That's what he would like for you to believe.

According to ABN Andhra Jyoti News, which broadcast the sex tape, the three women were brought to Hyderabad, India by another woman who was allegedly promised a mining lease by the governor in return for sexual favors. But when the governor didn't hold up his end of the deal, the woman decided to throw him under the bus.

After the video aired hundreds of angry women rallied outside his house to express their disgust at his behavior.


Here's the news report with some stills of the governor and the women. (It's not in English, however.)





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Man Dies While Visiting Mother's Grave

A British man died as he made his annual Christmas Day visit to his mother's grave -- after slipping on a patch of ice at the cemetery in Manchester, England, the Sun reported.

Jimmy Halpin, 54, was on his way to lay a wreath with his sister Frances when he lost his footing and suffered fatal head and neck injuries.

He was rushed to a local hospital, but was pronounced dead on arrival.

Just weeks earlier he lost his wife Ann, 55, to stomach cancer.


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Texas Counties Post Names, Mugshots of Drunk Drivers on Twitter

If you get arrested for drunk driving in Montgomery County, Texas, (which includes parts of the city of Houston) everyone on Twitter will know about it.

We're not kidding.

The county's district attorney has decided to post the names of everyone charged with driving while intoxicated between Christmas and New Year's Eve (and other holidays like the Fourth of July and Memorial Day) on their Twitter page.

The information is already public information and County Vehicular Crimes Prosecutor Warren Diepraam told Computerworld.com he came up with the idea as a way of discouraging residents from driving while drunk.

"It's not a magic bullet that's going to end DWIs, but its something to make people think twice before they get behind the wheel of a car and drive while they're intoxicated," he said.

Denton, Texas police have gone one step further -- they're posting the names and mugshots of everyone arrested in that town on their Twitter page.

Don't mess with Texas!



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It's a Wrap For The 'Tyra Show'

Tyra is jacking Oprah's style -- again.

Just a few months after Oprah announced that she will end her talk show to focus on her TV network, Tyra - you guessed it - has done the same.

In a posting on the Tyra Show's Web site, Tyra wrote: "This will be the last season of 'The Tyra Show'. "I have been loving having fun, coming into your living rooms, bedrooms, hair salons for the past 5 years....There's a lot cooking right now and a lot of fire burning in my heart. And I salute you my amazing family of viewers; without you there never would have been a Tyra Show. I really love you all."

Tyra has her eyes set on something bigger -- the silver screen.

She'll launch Bankable Studios, a N.Y.-based film production company currently reviewing possible projects.

The talk show will end this spring.


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Charlie Sheen Will Cut a Bitch

While you were having dinner with your family last Christmas, actor Charlie Sheen was getting arrested -- again.

According to the folks over at TMZ, Charlie's wife, Brooke Mueller, told police that Charlie was in possession of a knife and threatened her with it at their home in Aspen, Colorado after she asked for a divorce. (Additional reports say he choked her.)

Brooke (who may or may not be drunk at at the time) called police and Charlie was arrested and charged with suspicion of second-degree assault, a felony, and criminal mischief, a misdemeanor.

He will likely be charged with menacing, too. It's a class-five felony that entails allegedly using a weapon in a threatening way. That charge usually carries a sentence of two to eight years in prison and a fine of $2,000 to $500,000.

After posting an $8,500 bond, he was released.

According to reports, Brooke obtained a restraining order against Charlie, prior to this incident. She's since recanted her story about the knife incident. (Charlie apparently told police Brooke started the fight and he was merely defending himself.)

Beating up women (OK, allegedly) is a pattern for Charlie. In 1997, he was tried for attacking his then-girlfriend Brittany Ashland at his home in Agoura Hills.


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Nigerian Men Weren't The Only Ones Being Hauled Off Airplanes Last Weekend

While the TSA, the White House and the Department of Homeland Security were focused on Detroit over the last few days after two separate incidences of a terrorist threats, Ivana Trump was causing terror in the sky.

At Palm Beach International Airport last Saturday, Ivana was escorted off a plane after she cursed at children who were running and screaming in the aisles and when flight attendants tried to calm her down, she cussed them out too.

She called the children "little fu-kers" and told passengers around her "f-ck you!" a Palm Beach County sheriff's office spokeswoman told the Miami Herald.

It must be the stress of undergoing another divorce.

She was not charged.


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Happy Holidays!

All of us here at the blog would like to take the opportunity to wish you a very Merry Christmas and Happy Kwanzaa. Stay safe and we'll see you back here on Monday.

Was Precious Star Gabourey Sidibe Cheated Out of An Award? The Ballots Say Yes!

At the African-American Film Critics Association awards ceremony held Dec. 14 Precious won ever major award - Best Picture, Best Director, Supporting Actress and Screenplay. Every award except Best Actress, which, according to the ballots, Gabourey Sidibe should have won. Easily.

But, as Roger Friedman over at Showbiz411 points out, there was some curry-favoring going on.

He writes: "According to the final ballot, which I’ve seen, Sidibe received eight first-place votes from the 16 critics who participated. Beharie got four first-place finishes, and the rest went to Anika Noni Rose (two votes) and one each for Helen Mirren and Zooey Deschanel. Among second-place finishers, Sidibe got five votes; Beharie got one."

It's allged that AAFCA's co-founder Gil Robertson IV changed the votes to please producers of American Violet, a film no one has heard of. It's star, Nicole Beharie, won the award over Gabbby.

If true, we won't be surprised. These sort of things have been going for years.


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Woman Jumps Barriers, Attacks Pope At Christmas Mass

A woman has been arrested after jumping over barriers and knocking down the Pope at Christmas Eve Mass.

Pope Benedict XVI was attacked as he walked down the main aisle to begin service at St Peter's Basilica at the Vatican.

Vatican spokesman Ciro Benedettini said the 82-year-old quickly got to his feet and was unhurt.

The woman, who appeared to be mentally unstable, was being questioned by Vatican police; also knocked down Cardinal Roger Etchegaray, who was taken to hospital for a check-up.

It was the second year in a row there was a security breach at the service. At the end of last year's Mass a woman who had jumped the barriers got close to the Pope but was quickly brought to he ground by security. Benedettini said it was not immediately known if the same woman was behind the latest incident.



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BeBe Clothing Store Hates Blacks, Hispanics! So Say Former Employees in Federal Lawsuit

Two former employees at the BeBe clothing store in Houston's galleria mall have filed a federal class action lawsuit against the company and two white store managers alleging racism and discrimination. They told Fox26 store managers "made it clear the store should not cater to African American or Hispanic customers" and applications from African American and Hispanic job seekers were swiftly thrown in the trash!!! Wow! Adds one of the plaintiffs: "[The manager] wanted the white associates on the floor in the front and she wanted us all to be in the back cleaning for her." One of the women said the white manager had a code for black or Hispanic customers - "rusty". Wow!

Developing...

Crazy U.S. Soldier Assaulted, Spat on AirTran Gate Agent

Last Saturday morning Rita Maxwell was minding her business, checking in passengers at an AirTran gate at Atlanta's Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport when a crazy person started yelling at her, calling her a "bitch", assaulted her, then spat in her face! That crazy person is Michael Arthur McDonald - an active member of the US Army. He claims he has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and forgot to take his pills. Riiiigggght. Rita, now you too have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Don't spend all that money you receive from that settlement in one place, girl.

Woman Claims She Did Ecstasy With Tiger Woods

Susie Ogren says she met Tiger Woods while driving a beverage cart around on the golf course in Las Vegas in 1999. They became friendly and eventually started dating -- but they never had sex. But, according to Susie, they did Ecstasy together.

Susie tells the National Enquirer after meeting Tiger for dinner in October 1999 at the MGM Grand Mansion, she and Tiger (along with his friends) went to Studio 54.

She says: "One of his friends said, 'I've got some Ecstacy - let's roll' and produced little white pills, smaller than aspirins. Tiger and me did one pill each. I'm sure Tiger was hoping it would turn me on so he could get me into bed, and he took the pill so casually that it seemed to me he was used to doing it. But the Ecstacy was crappy. The pills just made us sweaty, and didn't make us feel good. I wanted to go to sleep. I could see Tiger wasn't happy that the Ecstacy wasn't turning me on. Soon he said he was tired and took off for jis luxury suite alone. He seemed angry."


Source: National Enquirer, Jan. 4, print edition.

A Home Rental Scam for the Ages

We're not condoning theft, but this scam is genius. Last September, a couple rented a home on Bainbridge Island, a well-to-do section of Washington state. Immediately after moving in, the thieves held a massive sale to get rid of the home owner's things. What they didn't sell in the yard sale or through Craigslist, they took with them.

Bernie Madoff Got Beatdown in Prison!

WTVD, the ABC affiliate in Raleigh-Durham, is reporting that, according to its sources, convicted Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff suffered facial fractures, broken ribs and a collapsed lung consistent with an assault; he was discharged from Duke University Hospital two days ago. Prison officials, however, would not confirm or deny ABC's report, but they have confirmed that Bernie was moved to the medical wing of the prison last Friday. Bernie's lawyer has since told the AP, his client was admitted to the medical facility because he had "some dizzy spells and some high blood pressure." Getting beat up in prison will leave you dizzy and raise your pressure -- that's for sure. (Addendum: WTVD is now reporting that a source told them Bernie was not attacked in prison, but that he fell off a bed onto his face. The source said there was a lot of facial bleeding.) Bernie, 71, was sentenced to 150 years in prison earlier this year.


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NJ Lawmakers Need To Tackle the Real Issues, Not What's Happening on the 'Shore'

"Jersey Shore" — that MTV show about eight nitwits and self-proclaimed "guidos" and "guidettes" living in a rented beach house in Seaside Heights, NJ -- is not only pissing off advertisers (Domino's Pizza, American Family Insurance and Dell have pulled their ads) but Congress, too.

Seriously.

New Jersey state senator Joseph Vitale, who chairs the Italian American Legislative Caucus, says the show promotes derogatory ethnic stereotypes and is "wildly offensive", penned a letter to Viacom asking that the show be yanked from the air -- immediately.

At Vitale’s request, the state Department of Labor and Workforce Development has opened an investigation into employment and wage practices, as well as the tax status of the “Shore Store” where cast members supposedly worked while filming the program.

Seriously?!


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Chinese People Are Racist? Who Knew?

Twenty-year-old Lou Jing, who is half black and half Chinese, was a contestant on a reality television show called "Go! Oriental Angel" (think: "American Idol"), but her skin color became a distraction. The hosts called her "chocolate girl" and "black pearl" and the locals posted on Web sites that she "never should have been born" and that she should "get out of China." Lou's maternal grandmother said: "I told Lou Jing she was black because her mom was not very well and had to take Chinese medicine." That Chinese medicine was, um, a black johnson. Let us stop, because you know the Chinese will fight you.

Man With 5-inch Knife Stuck in His Chest Calmly Orders Coffee Then Calls 911

This is perhaps one of the strangest stories we've heard in a while. A man in Warren, Michigan walked into a diner last Sunday, ordered a cup of coffee and then called 911. Why? Hmm, he had a 5-inch knife stuck in his chest!

What Had Happened Was: The unidentified 52-year-old man was minding his business when another man tried to rob him. He refused to hand over any cash, so the robber stabbed him -- shoving the knife into the left side of chest all the way to the black plastic handle! The wounded man said he tried to get help at a nearby apartment complex, but when he didn’t find any, he walked a half mile to the diner where he called 911 from a pay phone.

“Yes ma’am, could uh … is it possible to send an ambulance here?” the man is heard saying to a 911 operator. “There’s a knife stuck in my chest.”

As calm as that.

He is expected to be fine.

Wow!


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Crazy Pastor: Lady Gaga is 'Going to Hell'

The ever delusional Fred Phelps hates everyone - gays, Jews, Catholics, the Swedes, the Irish, the Canadians, Princess Diana, US soldiers killed in Iraq, etc... -- so, naturally, Lady Gaga would be added to the list.

The crazy old man (who has been banned from Canada and the UK) and his "followers" at the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas, plan to protest outside of the Gaga's Jan. 7 concert in St. Louis, Missouri and they even issued a press release. In it, the crazies (you've seen them: they're the people who protest outside of dead soldiers' funerals with signs that read "God Hates Fags") refer to Lady Gaga as a whore and a slut. Oh, my.

Here's the press release. And we quote.

Thou hadst a whore’s forehead, thou refusedst to be ashamed…Will He reserve HIs anger forever? Will he keep it to the end? Behold, thou hast spoken and done evil things as thou couldest.” Jer 3:3,5

“Art” and “fashion” are the euphemisms, the guise under which proud whore Lady Gaga teaches rebellion against God (incidentally, her claim to the title of “lady” is sound only if she tacks on “of the night,” thereby alluding to another euphemism of what she is.)

As much as she’d like to pretend otherwise, there’s nothing new or different about this particular hussy’s pretentious prancing. Does the simple slut truly think that she can change God’s standards by seducing a generation of rebels into joining her in fist-raised, stiff-necked, hard-hearted rebellion against Him? Get real!

Even as she gives lip-service to “liberating” her young fans, Lady Gaga brings them into slavery to their own corruption, teaching them to glory in their shame. She hates you!

“For when they speak great swelling words of vanity, they allure through the lusts of the flesh, through much wantonness…While they promise them liberty, they themselves are the servants of corruption!” 2 Pet. 2:18-19

YOU’RE GOING TO HELL.

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Philly Cop Charged With Raping Underage Girl for 8 Years

Tyrone Wiggins, a Philadelphia police officer, was arrested and charged with raping an underage girl repeatedly over eight years. The girl, who was 12 at the time of the first attack, told police she met Tyrone at an area recreational center, where the cop taught karate. The girl said Tyron first build her trust, then took her into his van one afternoon where he exposed himself to her, asked her to touch him and then to give him a professional. A week later - in the same van - he ordered the her to remove her pants, then he raped her while she cried. The forcible rapes continued. When she was 16, she says, Tyrone started raping her third input (anally). When she was 20, the "relationship" became more violent -- he started punching and slapping her. Finally, on Aug. 7, 2007, she reported Tyrone to police and it took two years for them to bring charges; he was arrested on Nov. 19. BTW: This alleged child rapist says he's innocent and his accuser is only coming after him for his paper. What?!

A Crazy Lady Was Arrested for Threatening to Kill Michelle Obama

Kristy Lee Roshia, 35, was taken into federal custody yesterday after threatening to "blow away" First Lady Michelle Obama during the family's Christmas trip to Hawaii this week.

Kristy (bless her heart) called the Boston office of the Secret Service and told them "I will kill Michelle Obama" and during the same call she threatened to "blow away" the first lady. She didn't stop there, however. She told the Secret Service she knew where the Obama family would be staying when they visited Honolulu for Christmas.

Crazy Kristy was arrested two miles from that home.

She has a history of leaving rambling messages and sending poems, love letters addressed to random, non-existent agents and photographs of herself to the Secret Service and in 2004, she told the agency that "although her mission is to assassinate the president she has no desire to hurt him."

She has been charged with threatening a family member of the president and assaulting a federal agent after being arrested.

Girl, did you forget to take your pills? Someone please help this lunatic.


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Security!

Wait for it....Tay Tay and her friend are feeling a bit peckish so they bypassed McDonald's and plopped down into this restaurant with silverware and tablecloths to see what's on the menu. After realizing they rather eat at McDonald's they bolted -- committing a caper in the process.

Grandpa Ruins Christmas

Grandpa - or is that a retired Santa? - is effing up Christmas for everyone. OK, this is totally fake, but it's funny.

American Airlines Plane Crashes in Jamaica; Everyone is Alive

Both engines of an American Airlines jet tore off as the plane overshot a runway while landing during a rainstorm in Jamaica, the Miami Herald reports.

Two of the 148 passengers on Flight 331 from Miami were admitted to a hospital for treatment of non-life threatening injuries from last night's accident in Kingston.

American Airline says the landing gear of the Boeing 737-800 was damaged and the fuselage has two cracks.


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Ashanti's Stalker is Crazy

A juror serving on the case of Devar Hurd -- the man charged with stalking and sending dozens of pictures and texts to Ashanti, via her mother's cell phone -- says it will be difficult to get a conviction because the accused is crazy.

"He clearly seemed delusional," the juror told the New York Post. "I have no idea what that jury is going to do, but I hope they don't convict. He didn't have the intent that the law requires."

While on the witness stand this week, Devar said Ashanti "welcomed" his texts and he spoke of the first time he saw the singer; He said he felt a connection between himself and the Ashanti after seeing her perform in 2003.

"We had strong eye contact, and I'm like, 'Oh, I need to get in contact with her,'" he said.

Yup, he is crazy.


Update: Devar was found guilty of stalking and aggravated harassment. He faces up to two years in prison; he'll be sentenced Jan. 11.

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