Surprised Kitty

We've introduced you to an inquisitive pussycat, two argumentative pussycats, so we had to show you this adorable pussycat.

Would-Be Robber Arrives Late to Rob Bank

A potential bank robber showed up to rob the Guardian Credit Union in Waukesha, Wisconsin last week, but had he owned a watch or staked out the place beforehand hand, like real criminals do, he would know the financial institution closes at 5:30pm.

Police say the man, wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun, entered the first of two sets of doors at 5:36pm, six minutes after the second set of doors were locked.

Realizing he's late he couldn't gain access to the tellers, the would-be robbed fled before cops arrived.

Could you imagine the hilarity of the tellers looking at that fool through the glass door wielding a gun. We can't wait for the video, but we hope he wasn't operating on CP time, if you know what we mean.

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Teens Film Themselves Knocking People Off Bicycles, Shoving Kids

Clearly, some criminals don't before committing crimes. Earlier this month, several teens from the St. Paul, Minnesota area filmed themselves committing various felonies then uploaded the video to YouTube. And get this, they used their real names and real aliases!

What donkeys!

The six-minute video shows them taking turns pushing people off bicycles into the street, pushing down a jogger, and pushing young children. In one case, the attacker snatched a hat off someone's head. In another incident, the victim fought back and punched the attacker.

Before most of the assaults, the attacker looks at the camera and says "Watch this."

Watch this in prison!

Five of them, ranging in ages from 16 to 19, were arrested.

According to City Pages, "Mohamed Abdi, 19, was convicted in April of second-degree robbery. The conviction came after Abdi, along with two of his cohorts, accosted two people walking along St. Paul's Summit Ave. Pointing a "BB-pellet pistol" in their faces, Abdi robbed the couple, according to a police complaint."

His brother Bahnan Abdi was also on the video. He said police didn't arrest him because he didn't commit any of the assaults.


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Serena Williams Fined $82,500 For Threatening to Choke a Lineswoman With a Tennis Ball

Serena Williams was fined a record $82,500 for her U.S. Open tirade and could be suspended from that tournament if she has another "major offense" at any Grand Slam in the next two years, it was reported today.

Serena has been placed on "probationary period" at the four major championships in 2010 and 2011 and if she has another "major offense" at a Grand Slam tournament in that time, the fine would increase to $175,000 and she would be barred from the following U.S. Open.

Last September, Serena's profanity-laced, finger-pointing outburst drew a $10,000 fine from the U.S. Tennis Association - the maximum onsite penalty a tennis player can face. But because it happened at a Grand Slam tournament, Babcock was charged with investigating whether further punishment was merited.

Grand Slam administrator Bill Babcock said if she does not have another offense in the next two years, the suspension is lifted.

The highest possible fine Serana could face - $175,000, if she violates her Grand Slam probation - was chosen because it is the difference in winnings between reaching the quarterfinals and semifinals at the U.S. Open. The $10,000 she already was docked by the USTA will be counted toward that total; that's why she is paying half of $165,000 now.

Bacbock acknowledges that there is no specific definition of what sort of actions constitute a "major offense, so Serena better be careful and get her check ready, just in case.


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Convicted Girlfriend Beater Chris Brown's GMA Performance Canceled

Last week ABC decided to drop Adam Lambert from performing on "Good Morning America" but invited convicted girlfriend beater Chris Brown to perform on the morning show. That decision left many people were left scratching their heads. After feeling the heat and the justifiable uproar their decision sparked, ABC has had a change of heart.

Chris will tell his side of the story in a pre-taped "in-depth interview" on "20/20" airing on Dec. 11, but he will not perform on "Good Morning America."

Tiger Woods' Wife Swings a Mean Club

At 2:25am last Friday, Tiger Woods backed his black Cadillac Escalade out of his driveway and then ran over a fire hydrant before hitting a tree on a neighbor's property.

According to police, the car's front end was badly damaged and Elin Nordegren (his wife and mother of his two children) used a golf club to break through a back window to remove him from the vehicle.

When police arrived shortly after the accident, the golfer was bleeding from the mouth and was "in and out of it for several minutes," Windermere Police Chief Daniel Saylor told CNN on Friday.

He "was on the ground, semi-unconscious and had lacerations to the upper and lower lips," Saylor said.

According to the Orlando Sentinel the truck's left and right rear side passenger windows were also broken out.

Tiger injuries were considered "serious" and he was treated at a nearby hospital and released.

But, that's just part of the story.

The folks over at TMZ are reporting that Erin wasn't a good Samaritan coming to the aide of her husband after he crashed. Tiger apparently told a friend Erin confronted him over reports he's having an affair with Rachel Uchitel and, during the argument, she scratched his face. To diffuse to situation, Tiger told a friend tried to leave and jumped in his truck, but Erin ran after him with a golf club. As he was driving away, she banged on the vehicle several times causing Tiger to crash into the fire hydrant and the now-famous tree. The truck's airbags didn't deploy (because he was traveling at less than 33 mph). There was no blood on the steering wheel, making it unlikely that his injuries were sustained during the crash. Additionally, he allegedly told a friend that he wasn't drunk at the time, but had been taking painkillers.

According to TMZ, during a conversation last Friday, Tiger told a friend Erin had "gone ghetto" on him and "I have to run to Zales to get a 'Kobe Special.'" The friend asked what a "Kobe Special" was. Tiger told him: "A house on a finger."

Since the incident, Florida Highway Patrol investigators have tried on three separate occassions to interview Tiger and his wife, but the couple has declined to meet with the police.

According to police, Tiger is not obligated to speak to investigators — only to provide his drivers license, registration and proof of insurance. He was not given a breath test, nor was his blood or urine tested. Troopers need probable cause that someone is under the influence of alcohol or drugs to demand such tests, and they had none.

Tiger released this statement on his Web site, instead.

"As you all know, I had a single-car accident earlier this week, and sustained some injuries. I have some cuts, bruising and right now I'm pretty sore. This situation is my fault, and it's obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I'm human and I'm not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn't happen again. This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible. The only person responsible for the accident is me. My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false. This incident has been stressful and very difficult for Elin, our family and me. I appreciate all the concern and well wishes that we have received. But, I would also ask for some understanding that my family and I deserve some privacy no matter how intrusive some people can be."




Police released one of the 911 calls received from a neighbor after the "crash."




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Would-Be Thieves Punk'd By An iPhone

What would you do if you saw a shiny, new iPhone laying on the street? Grab it, of course! Some guys superglued a dummy iPhone on the the streets of NYC to see how many people would try to, um, return it to it's rightful owner steal it. Genius!

Tiger Woods' Alleged Jumpoff: 'I Don't Care About His Wife. We're In Love!'

PR-wise, it's not a good week for pro-golfer Tiger Woods.

The National Enquirer has alleged in its exclusive report that Tiger is cheating on Elin Nordegren, his wife of five years, with 34-year-old NYC event planner Rachel Uchitel (pictured, right).

To get the story, the Enquirer followed Tiger and Rachel for months (across the country and to Australia!) and two of Rachel's friends sold their stories (for $25,000 a piece) to the tabloid. The friends, who passed lie detector tests, say Rachel met Tiger in NYC last May at a nightclub. She gave him her cell phone number.

"I'm sure Tiger thinks Rachel is staying quiet about their affair, but she's told lots of people," Ashley Simpson, a close friend of Rachel told the Enquirer. "Rachel told me, 'I'm having an affair with Tiger Woods, We're in love.' I've heard him while she was talking to him, and recognized his voice. They kept saying stuff like, 'I miss you so much! I love you.' She even read me text messages that Tiger sent her that said, 'I love you, babe. It's always going to be just you and me.' The first time I heard about Tiger from Rachel was when she got a phone call and said 'Oh, it's Tiger, I've got to take this.' I asked, 'Tiger?' She said, 'Tiger Woods.' Over the next few days, she got several phone calls from him, and I recognized his voice. It's very distinctive. Finally, Rachel told me they were having an affair. I'm still shocked that she's be so casual about an affair that could break up Tiger's family. It's crazy."

Another of Rachel's friends was eager to talk, too.

She said Rachel and Tiger "were constantly 'sexting.' Tiger was asking things like, 'What are you wearing? What do you want to do to me? What do you want me to do to you?' I said, 'Rachel, he's married,' and she said 'Big fucking deal! It's Tiger Woods! I Don't care about his wife. We're in love!' Her nickname for Tiger is 'Bear." She lists his cell phone number under 'Bear' in her contacts."

Earlier this month, the Enquirer followed Rachel to Australia, where she was allegedly meeting Tiger (who was in town for the Australian Masters). A reporter witnessed Rachel checking into the Crown Towers hotel and went up to the ultra posh VIP Suites housed on the 35th floor. Of course, this was the same hotel where Tiger was staying.

When the Enquirer swooped down on her in Australia, Rachel denied the affair, saying she was there on business with her boyfriend. But, she later changed her story. She told the tabloid, she wasn't there with a boyfriend and denied an affair with Tiger.

In fact, she said, "I don't want to be somebody's number two. I don't want to be with a married man."

This is something she knows well. She was dating David Boreanaz, the married star of the TV show "Bones" while his wife was pregnant.

Now her friends say Rachel's given up other men and is dating Tiger exclusively.

"Rachel says she's strictly a one-man woman with Tiger," the source said. "She told me 'I'm dating Tiger Woods! How could I ever date another mere mortal guy? She told me that Tiger said to her 'I want to go to bed with you every night and wake up to you every morning.' When Rachel told him, 'You can't - you have a wife and two kids,' he said, 'I'll fix that."

What?!

"I know for a fact that Tiger and Rachel got together in Los Angeles," the other friend told the Enquirer. "She thinks Tiger is going to leave his wife and marry her. She talks about their affair all the time. She told me, 'Tiger and I have a special connection. We want to be together forever.'"

Drama!


For the record: Rachel has further denied the Enquirer's story.

In an interview with Blackbook magazine, she said.

“I don’t appreciate my name or what people think of me being dragged through the mud by people who don’t even bother to research what or who they’re talking about ... they should research who these stories are coming from, who they’re believing as a credible source. Not to mention that it’s in the National Enquirer....I totally deny the Enquirer story. They did contact me about it, but they didn’t use any of my quotes or any of the information I gave them. They make it sound like I said those things, but it’s all other people saying I said things.”

On the story’s report that she followed Woods to Australia and was observed checking into his hotel and riding the elevator to the 35th floor, where Tiger had a suite:
“There’s just no possible way I could have done that. You can’t just walk into a place like that and ride the elevator to a floor with someone like Tiger Woods on it without someone seeing you and stopping you.”

On allegedly sending racy text messages to Tiger:
“If you talked to any of my old boyfriends, and I’m sure they all hate me, but they’d all confirm that I don’t sex-message. I don’t do it, I don’t know how to do it.”

On Ashley Samson, the “close friend” who provided all the information to the Enquirer, along with another unnamed source:

“I’ve met her twice in my life. We’re not friends. I’m just speculating but it seems like someone else is telling her what to say or manipulating her. After all, she got $25,000 for this.”


Also, for the record: The Enquirer stands by its story. Appearing on Geraldo at Large last weekend, the tabloid's Executive Editor, Kim Guilfoyle, said Rachel is a liar who is ashamed she got caught.

"The bottom line is we pay, you know, the National Enquirer we pay exclusive information that we can verify and check out," Kim said. "This is a story that took us several weeks, took us halfway around the world. We had reporters in Australia, we followed this woman from New York to Australia for her last meeting with Tiger Woods. There are multiple sources, some of which are used in the current story, polygraphs were administered to several of the sources, all of the sources passed with flying colors. I can point out, there is an exclusive on the record interview with one of Rachel’s friends who is named in the article. Obviously Rachel has gone into a damage control mode certainly it has been ramped up because the accident. I can certainly see from where I hear this is a woman who is scared who has been caught up in a scandal now of global proportion and in the past 24 hours she has given several interviews to media outlets. However, there have been several contradictions and outright lies that she as told."



Source: National Enquirer, Dec. 7, print edition, source 2

Jamie Foxx's Hotel Room Intruder Sentenced

Earlier this year Jamie Foxx got into a scuffle with a man who showed up at his Philadelphia hotel room door three times claiming he was Beyoncè's manager and wanted to be let in. (No pun intended.) The 50-year-old man, Steven Taliver, was eventually arrested and charged with burglary, criminal threats, stalking, false imprisonment and harassment.

The story quietly went away. But, last month there was a court hearing.

Jamie didn't testify, although he was willing to. Ultimately, though, all he wanted was for Steven to get some help.

And help he will get. Under a plea agreement, Steven was sentenced to 11-1/2 to 23 months in a mental facility.


Taliver's sentence - 11 1/2 to 23 months - was satisfied by the seven months he served. He now is receiving treatment at a facility.


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Dating Madonna Has Its Perks

Madonna's boyfriend - model slash DJ slash aspiring record producer - Jesus Luz is taking full advantage of his newfound celebrity.

After meeting the famous singer last December on the set of a W magazine shoot, he's since disassociated himself from the manager who booked him that job, moved to NYC where he enrolled in DJ school and is now one of those "celebrity DJs" commanding a hefty pay check.

According to the New York Times, for a 90-minute set earlier this month, his second professional gig as a DJ, Jesus was paid $15,000. Actually, that was a discounted rate, since we're in a recession and all. His standard rate is around $30,000! The Times said he demanded that amount to spin at a Las Vegas nightclub, but the club said hell to the no. Well, we are in a recession, after all.

Conversely, a year ago, he was making about $500 a day as a model in Rio de Janeiro.

"If you want to say he owes it all to Madonna, go ahead. He isn’t concerned with responding to those who say he’d be nothing without the singer," the Times points out.

As for the reports that his girlfriend, who he doesn't talk about, gives him a $10,000 monthly allowance, Jesus says it's not true.

And by the way, Jesus instructs you how to correctly pronounce his name: it sounds like “Zhay-ZOOSE. Loose.”


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OMG! She's Dead!

After being knocked unconscious she was treated at a hospital and survived, but, still, jumping off cliffs is a very stupid idea. Don't do it.

Total Eclipse of the Heart: Literal Video Version

This video has been making the rounds for several months now. And we see why: It's awesome! It's the funniest thing you will see all day.

WATCH: Queen Impersonates Wendy

Comedian PT (real name: Auwayne Dumas) is a stand-up comic who describes his act as "a mixture of the church lady and the young gossiping lady who keeps up mess."

That messy, "young" gossipy lady he's channeling is our beloved aunt Wendy.

While this impersonation isn't quite there yet, he does have some of Wendy's mannerisms down pat and the 'How You Doin', with that spread bottom lip, is almost [.

How You Doin', PT? Awwwwwwwrrrriiiiiiight!

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WATCH: RuPaul's Drag Race Winner Camerooooooon's Debut Music Video

RuPaul Drag Race's season one winner, BeBe Zahara Benet (better known as Cameroooooooon), released the video for her new song, "I'm The Shit."

Yes, Yes, Yes! The Yes Dance

Whatever you do, don't you "yes" too hard this weekend.

[Y is for "yes" and W is for "work." Obviously.]

Ehaow!

Thanks to the anonymous commenter for the tip.

Web Site Publishes 570,000 Messages Sent Day of 9/11 Attacks

A whistle-blowing Web site has posted more than 573,000 pager messages sent on Sept. 11, 2001.

The message were sent by federal and local officials, but most appeared to be from regular people, including frantic people trying to reach loved ones in and around the World Trade Center.

The Web site -- Wikileaks.org -- says it received the messages anonymously and will continue to publish them, in the order they were sent, until 3am tomorrow.

BTW: The messages have been authenticated and they're real.

Here are some of those messages.

8.50am "THE WORLD TRADE CENTER HAS JUST BLOWN UP, WE SEEN THE EXPLOSION OUTSIDE OUR WINDOWS."

8.51am "THERE WAS SOME KIND OF EXPLOSION AT WORLD TRADE CTR."

8.51am "World de Center is on FIRE!!!! No Joke.- Rick."

8.53am "CRASH AT WORLD TRADE CENTER. THIS IS NOT A DRIL (sic)"

8.56am "holy shit! a plane just hit the top of the world trade center! - Kate"

9.15am "Hey Honey! Can you bring some bagels when you get back? The pork chop is now crying about the World Trade Center plane crash."

9.17am "GET OUT OF NEW YORK CALL ME LOVE YOUR WIFE."

9.20am "US military has go to a high level DEFCON alert. Fighter aircraft have been scrambled."

9.55am "Honey Did you hear about the terrorist hijacking etc? I'm totally freaked. My heart is in my throat."

10.31am "ABSOLUTLY (sic) UNBELEAVABLE (sic)!!! The 2'nd tower ha now just fallen GONE just a billow of debris"

10.46am "AS A PRECAUTIONARY MEASURE STAY HOME TODAY, DO NOT COME INTO WORK UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. STANDY (sic) BY YOUR HOME PHONES AND/OR PAGER"

10.46am "My goodness, what's happening?"

10.46am "There is NO WORLD TRADE CENTER, ANYMORE! Honey, stay put and be safe. May G-D help us!"

10.47am "If you can please call me and let me know where you are going. I am a wreck. love you"

10.47am "Talk to me... I hoping you are no where near this. Eric"

10.48am "i love you baby....please becareful....i don't want anything to happen to you - Jennifer"

10.54am "YOU ARE ON ALERT FOR POSSIBLE DEPLOYMENT - LOCATION UNKNOWN - PACK AND BE READY TO MOVE"

12.28pm "The carnage/cowardess terroism (sic) pains me 4 those that hav (sic) left life/those left behind in pain/mourning-WHY, my god WHY? - Louise"

Google Refuses to Remove Racist Michelle Obama Picture

Despite a firestorm of criticisms, Google refused to remove a racist caricature of First Lady Michelle Obama that was the first result presented to users of its search engine.

Google has conceded that the picture of MObama, Photoshopped to look like a monkey, is offensive but the company resisted calls to take it down.

“Google views the integrity of our search results as an extremely important priority," the company said. “Accordingly, we do not remove a page from our search results simply because its content is unpopular or because we receive complaints concerning it.”

But despite Google’s stated opposition to self-censorship it does have the power to remove pages from its search results – something it frequently does to child pornography and websites that propagate viruses.

BTW: We're not posting the image.

Update: The blogger responsible for the racist image has removed it and issued this apology in Chinese (along with this very loose English translation): "I am very sorry for this article, andthat this is the program automatically issued a document from the article. Do not the subject of race and politics make the discussion too radical and sincere hope that the world is very peaceful."


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Oprah No Longer Has 'Favorite Things'

Usually during the week of Thanksgiving you would tune in to Oprah to see what gifts the talk show queen will bestow upon her unsuspecting audience. (Secretly you hated every moment of it because you wanted to be one of those people jumping up and down because you're going home with a cupcake - or a refrigerator! Like in the above video.)

But alas, the days of Oprah's "Favorite Things" episode have come and gone; there will be no such show this year.

In fact, a spokesperson for the show told the Huffington Post, "We have no plans this season for a 'Favorite Things.'"



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Adam Lambert Is Still Not Apologizing For It

After being unceremoniously dropped by Good Morning America yesterday, Adam Lambert appeared on CBS' The Early Show this morning to talk about all the madness surrounding his "outrageous" performance during last weekend's American Music Awards.

During the pre-taped interview with Maggie Rodriguez, he discussed the criticism of the inappropriateness of his performance by saying “I’m not a babysitter, I ‘m a performer.”

He also continued drill home that there is a double standard and he's only being targeted because he's gay.

“Lady Gaga, smashing whiskey bottles, Janet Jackson grabbing a male dancer’s crotch, Eminem talked about how Slim Shady has 17 rapes under his belt,” he said. “There was a lot of very adult material on the AMAs this year, and I know I wasn’t the only one.”

Adding, “If it had been a female pop performer doing the moves that were on the stage I don’t think there’d be nearly as much of an outrage at all…I think it’s a double whammy. I think it’s because I’m a gay male."

But when CBS rebroadcast part of his performance, they blurred out the image of Adam kissing a man, but in that same piece, they showed the image of Madonna kissing Britney. Talk about double standards!



Update: CBS responds to why they blurred out Adam's man-on-man kiss, but showed Madonna's famous 2007 kiss with Britney Spears.
Said a A CBS representative: "We gave this some real thought. The Madonna image is very familiar and has appeared countless times, including many times on morning television. The Adam Lambert image is a subject of great current controversy, has not been nearly as widely disseminated and, for all we know, may still lead to legal consequences."

What a load of bull!

TI and Lil Wayne's Daughters Form Girl Group

You know this was inevitable. There's a new pop group on the horizon and it features the daughters of two of the biggest names in hip-hop: TI's daughter Zonnique (a.k.a. Star) and Lil Wayne's daughter Reginae (a.k.a. Baby Carter). There are two other girls in the group, Basha (a.k.a. Beauty) and Lourdes (a.k.a. Lolo), but they're like Kelly and Michelle, no one will pay much attention to them. And that's sad.

The group, called OMG Girlz, is managed by TI’s fiancée Tiny. She's teaching the girls the rules of the game, like the importance of writing their own songs, because that's where the real money is.

The OMG Girlz have recorded a single called “Ain’t Nobody." It's not half-bad, actually. The girls sing about teen love and getting over boys, then Baby Carter drops her 16 bars, "My name is Reginae/ But you can call me Baby Carter/ They love me and they hate me cuz I'm Weezy F's daughter/ Yeah, I'm a brat and I think it's my world/ And I'm stuntin' like my daddy, cuz I'm daddy's little girl/ When I walk up in the spot, upgrades the room/ And if you standin' next to me, I will upgrade you too."

Lil Wayne has promised to collobo on a track with them before he heads to prison.

You can hear a snippet of "Ain't Nobody" on their Myspace page.

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WATCH: Whitney Houston on 'Dancing With The Stars'

In an age where everyone is lip syncing, we applaud Miss Whitney for singing live. But, unfortunately, during her performances last night on the season finale of "Dancing With The Stars" her voice - how do we say this delicately - cracked more than a few times. At least she looked fabulous.

Dog Works at Florida Grocery Store

If you go to the BP gas station/convenience store on Nursery Road in Tampa Bay, Fla. you're greeted not by a store clerk, but by a chocolate Labrador retriever named Cody ready to take your order.

"He hears the bell and goes running. When he pops up, that sets it off," Karim Mansour, the store's and dog's owner told the St. Petersburg Times. "Uncontrollable giggling."

It all started one day five months ago when Karim decided to bring his dog to work. He didn't think much of it at the time — he just wanted to have his best friend with him while he worked the sometimes slow, and occasionally, dangerous, early morning shift. The dog was given free rein of the store, and as a joke, Mansour put a shirt with a BP logo on the dog, and gave him a name tag.

"While he's here, he's an employee. My rule is, 'all employees need to wear the shirt,'" he said.

Cody has quickly become a fixture around the store and a celebrity in his own right. everyone wants to take his picture and, for Karim, Cody is keeping his business afloat.

"That Hess down the street is a superstore. It wipes me down. But people might come the extra half mile or so to get the more personal service — or just to see the dog. In a dog-eat-dog world, when our economy sucks and business is hard, you've got to find a way to stand out," he says.


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Man Arrested For Masturbating in Public Library

Last week police arrested 58-year-old Lester Henry after someone saw him masturbating while watching a video on a public computer in a Burlington, Kentucky library.

But wait, it gets better.

Old man Lester wasn't watching porn; he was masturbating to a wrestling video! (Then again, that could be considered porn to a lot of people.)

He was arrested and charged with 2nd degree indecent exposure and disorderly conduct.


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Report: Angelina Jolie 'Hates' Obama

Actress Angelina Jolie is not a fan of President Obama. In fact, according to a Us Weekly magazine source, Angie "hates" the president because he's a socialist.

“She hates him,” the source told Us Weekly. “She’s into education and rehabilitation and thinks Obama is all about welfare and handouts. She thinks Obama is really a socialist in disguise.... Angie isn’t Republican, but she thinks Obama is all smoke and mirrors."

While she may despise the president because of his politics, her baby's father, actor Brad Pitt, is a fan and has had meetings with Obama.

“They get in nasty arguments all the time about it,” says the source. “She doesn’t respect Brad when it comes to politics, but, in the end, this won’t tear them apart.”

That's a fight Brad won't win, because he doesn't want to get stabbed.


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WATCH: Beyoncè, Lady Gaga Take You Behind the Scenes of 'Video Phone'

Dead. We. Are. Dead. LOL. [BTW: You can watch the even more comical music video here.]

Lord Gaga is Way More Gaga Than Lady Gaga

Lady Gaga may be weird, but does she cut herself because it's "a fashion choice" or send birthday cards to dead people? We don't think so. Scratch that, we're not sure.

Peruvians Are Killing People For Their Fat! Whaaaat?!

A gang in the remote Peruvian jungle has been killing people for their fat. According to police the gang’s members drain fat from bodies and sell it on the black market for use in cosmetics.

What?!

Three suspects have confessed to killing five people for their fat, said Col. Jorge Mejía, chief of Peru’s anti-kidnapping police. He said the suspects, two of whom were arrested carrying bottles of liquid fat, told the police it was worth $60,000 a gallon.

The fat was then sold to cosmetic companies in Europe.

At a news conference last week, the police showed reporters two bottles of fat recovered from the suspects and a photo of the rotting head of a 27-year-old man. One of the suspects helped police officers recover the head. The suspect said the gang would cut off its victims’ heads, arms and legs, remove the organs, and then suspend the torsos from hooks above candles that warmed the flesh as the fat dripped into tubs below.

What?!

Six of the gang members remain at large.

OK, big girls and boys. You should cancel all travel plans to Peru immediately. Consider this your warning.

Update Dec. 2: A police officer made up the story and Peru's chief of police suspended him indefinitely.

Initial doubts were compounded when police from the region where the crimes were alleged to have taken place said they knew nothing about a gang of murderers killing people for their fat.

They were only able to corroborate one of the dozens of alleged disappearances in a region where drug-trafficking and violence is rife.

Medical experts dismissed this theory, saying human fat had no monetary value and injecting it from one person to another would be potentially life-threatening.



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Rihanna 'Felt Like A Money-making Vehicle' For Def Jam, So She Rebelled

Miss Fenty is every where this week. (Mama's got an album to promote.) In an interview with the Guardian, she talks about everything from not having creative control at Def Jam records, to her style, to her assault, to her family life and those rumors that she gave Jay-Z a professional.

Here are some of the notable quotes.

On her style:
"Cruella de Vil, from 101 Dalmatians, is my new style icon. She's just fly."

On Def Jam:
"In the beginning it was almost like I was just going along with a script that was written for me, and I didn't feel like an artist, I felt like a tool. I just felt, hey, here I am, this money-making vehicle for this big record label [and] I'm not even having fun, I'm not enjoying it, because I'm not able to be who I am… Then, finally, I said, 'You know what, if I want to do this, I'm going to do it my way' and I just rebelled, cut my hair, dyed it black, changed my image, changed my sound, and now we're still evolving because I'm 21, I'm still growing. I've been through a lot in the last two years, especially in the last year or so. It definitely forced me to do some growing up."

On Chris Brown assaulting her:
"A whole thing happened overnight this year. The night before the biggest performance of my career, as well as 10 days before I became 21. It was a turning point. It was the end of an incredible year, an incredible album [Good Girl Gone Bad], the beginning of a new era, and it just felt like it was a wake-up call for me, and it had to happen. As bad and as terrible as it was, there's so much great that came out of that situation....I don't want that stamp going across my head as a victim of domestic violence. As much as I was, that's a part of my life that I want to throw away, that I never want to go through again."

On the distribution of the photograph showing her bloodied, battered face after the assault:
"It was a confidential case, by law, so when it became about getting a cheque, and completely disrespecting somebody else's privacy, it was just disappointing. I expect that from TMZ, but if the police can't protect you, then you can't be safe. You just feel completely exposed. And I was very disappointed especially when I found out that it was [supposedly leaked by] women. Two women."

On the rumors she gave Jay-Z, then president of Def Jam Recordings, a professional in order to get signed:
"It was like, 'Of course she had to give [Jay-Z] a blow job to get that deal.' That rumor was everywhere in Barbados, and it was so disgusting, it made me feel really weird – I would even be weird around Jay-Z. I wouldn't be able to look him in the eye. One day, he called and he was like, 'Yo, you can't buy into these rumors, you can't let people move you with anything they say.' The rumors started getting very funny to me after that."

BTW: Miss Fenty performed on GMA this morning.




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'Good Morning America' Cancels Adam Lambert Concert, 1,500 Complaints Lodged After AMAs

Adam Lambert's provocative performance during last Sunday's American Music Awards --during which he simulated oral sex, kissed a male band member and fondled another -- has drawn sneers, gasps, heart palpitations, complaints and cancelations.

According to ABC, more than 1,500 people complained, which, the network says, is a "moderate" response.

And this morning, ABC said that it had canceled Adam's performance scheduled for Wednesday on “Good Morning America.”

“Given his controversial American Music Awards performance, we were concerned about airing a similar concert so early in the morning," an ABC spokeswoman said.

Just that quick, CBS has booked him for an appearance Wednesday on its morning program, “The Early Show.” Later that evening he will perform only on "Letterman."

After his performance last Sunday night on ABC (watch it here), Adam told CNN there is a double standard for what's objectionable and what's not.

"I do feel like there's a bit of a double standard in the entertainment community, on television, on radio," he said."I feel like women performers have been pushing the envelope, especially, for the past 20 years. And all of the sudden a male does it and everybody goes 'Oh, we can't show that on TV.' For me, that's a form of discrimination and a double standard. And that's too bad."

He's inferring to the MTV Video Music Awards moment in 2003 when Madonna and Britney Spears kissed on stage and no one made a fuss.

BTW, 540,000 complaints were filed after Janet Jackson's nipple was momentarily exposed during the 2004 Superbowl halftime show.


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Innocence Never Tasted So Sweet

When a police officer fails, the bank robber wins. 35-year-old John Ford of Cleveland, Ohio was being arrested after cops said he robbed an area bank. Police say he walked into the bank and handed a teller a note that demanded money. But John is a smooth criminal. He ate the note while handcuffed and lying across the hood of a police cruiser. Geeh, what else was he supposed to do? Blame the police officer.

Mariah Needs Two Men to Lower Her On To a Sofa, But She's No Diva

Mariah Carey doesn't believe she's a diva. She's probably one of the select few who beleives that. Her paid minions will never tell her. Just last week she wanted hundreds of white doves and kittens (yes, kittens!) at a Christmas tree lighting, but that was only a small sampling of her demands while in London. What's the sign of a real diva? You hire people to lower you on to a sofa. Now, that's rich!

Mariah taped an with interview with Lorraine Kelly for the GMTV morning show in London [think: Good Morning America] last week. Afterwards the show's host, Kate Garraway, gave an interview dishing on Mariah's diva-ish ways.

"I’ve heard a lot of rumors about her being a diva over the years and guess what? It turns out it’s all true!" Kate tells New Magazine. "While Mariah was very nice, the amount of people she had in her entourage was hilarious. They outnumbered the entire GMTV crew! She had two people to lower her on to the GMTV sofa, in case her dress got crushed, one person to walk in front of her backwards at all times in case she fell over and several people behind the camera making sure she was going to be filmed from the right angle! Have you ever heard anything like it? Oh, and she brought her own toilet roll [toilet paper] as well."

Mariah's people say Kate's recollection of the facts is a "gross exaggeration." The spokesperson adds, "With regards to the 'entourage,' every star of Mariah’s calibre is surrounded by a working team and Mariah doesn’t actually have any more people working with her than any other major star."

Plus, Mariah's said she's not a diva.
"I am baffled, shocked and appalled when I am called a diva. I’ve never done one diva-ish thing in my life. The actual definition of a diva is a woman who sings well. The secondary definition is a woman who is difficult to deal with. I hope I am the first, but I really don’t think I am the second. I don’t believe I am truly nasty and act in a bad way."

Who are you going to believe?

BTW: Here's the GMTV interview.



More Mariah News: She will will be awarded the Breakthrough Performance Award at the 21st Annual Palm Springs International Film Festival in California next January for her role in "Precious."

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A Pizza Joint With a View

Apparently while in Egypt you can take in the magnificent views of the Great Pyramid while you chow down on a slice and puff on a cancer stick.

Wannabe Musclehead Shows Off His Chest Implants

Quick! Someone give this man a bra and revoke his plastic surgeon's license. STAT!


Coincidentally, Wendy also performs the same trick.

What?! Rihanna's 'Rated R' Album is On Sale for $3.99!

Listen, we liked Miss Fenty's new album, which went on sale today. In our review, we pointed out that the album is raunchier and edgier than previous albums, but the songs are strong, contemplative and the album is good, albeit not for young children. But why did we look on Amazon and found that Rated R is on sale for $3.99? We know it's a recession and all, but really?! Is this a ploy to ensure that her album debuts strong or is the record company doubtful of its success?

25 Years of Oprah Screaming Celebrities' Names. Oh, The Memories!

When Oprah turns the lights off on her successful talk show next fall, she'll also bring to a close 25 years of screaming celebrities' names. (That's until her new show, rolls out and she'll be back at it again.)

WTF! Polar Bears Are Falling From The Sky to Their Death

This ad for UK environmentalist group Plane Stupid is, um, plain stupid. The group's aim is to end airport expansion and they've been successful, but this PSA, featuring polar bears falling from the sky to their tragic death on a city street is gruesome and puzzling. The imagery of Sept 11 can't go unnoticed, either.


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WATCH: Reba McEntire, Andy Samberg's Worlds Collide on SNL

Saturday Night Live is still sucking this season, but last weekend Reba McEntire showed up -- and she's a dude in drag, with a penis. Now, this was funny.

It's Swine Flew Season, Ask Paula Deen Who Got Hit in The Face By a Ham

Food Network star Paula Deen was in Atlanta this morning helping deliver ham to a local charity when one came flying through the air and smacked her in the face.

Man Gets Life in Prison for Scaring Woman to Death

A man will spend the rest of his life in prison after he was found guilty in what prosecutors said was a case of scaring a 79-year-old North Carolina grandmother to death.

A federal jury found 21-year-old Larry Whitfield not guilty of murder Friday in the death of Mary Parnell last year. But they did find him guilty of causing her death by kidnapping her, and that carries an automatic life sentence.

Prosecutors say Larry was looking for somewhere to hide after a failed bank robbery attempt in Gastonia in September 2008 when he broke into Mary's home.

Authorities say Larry never touched the grandmother, but she suffered a heart attack when she saw him, and he didn't call for help.


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Martha Stewart Ends Feud With Rachel Ray, Starts One With Sarah Palin

Last week convicted felon Martha Stewart told ABC News that Rachel Ray is an entertainer with a bubbly personality who can't cook. Dem some fightin' words. But, Rachel agreed with Martha's characterization of her, saying Martha was "right." What?! In that same ABC interview, Rachel said that she would "rather eat Martha's [meal] than mine." Realizing how condescending her comments were, Martha apologized.

On her show this morning, Martha said: "I just want to take this opportunity just to address some comments that are circulating on the Internet regarding me and Rachael Ray. And just for the record there are no bad feelings between us nor have there ever been. I truly believe that Rachael has done a terrific job bringing people, many people who would of never of even stepped into the kitchen or made a dish to cook. I applaud Rachel for her enthusiastic approach to cooking and I really had a great time being a guest on her show and it was a lot of fun to have her on this show making pie with me to. Come on back Rachael, anytime you want and I hope you have a Yum-o Thanksgiving."

But wait! While the Rachel-Martha feud is toast, Martha has a new feud brewing. In an interview with CNN, she calls Sarah Palin "confused" and "a very dangerous person." She also says of the former governor: "Anyone like that in government is a real problem."




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This Is How They Roll in Romania

We have no words.

Devin Hester Loses Pants On National TV

Devin Hester, the wide receiver of the Chicago Bears, got pantsed by Philadelphia Eagles cornerback Dimitri Patterson during a game yesterday. The cameras cut away immediately and the commentators were mute.

WATCH: AMAs Recap: Janet, Rihanna, J.Lo, Jay-Z, Whitney, Lady Gaga

The American Music Awards were last night. Think of the show as the Grammy's far distant and less-sophisticated cousin. The AMAs awards pop stars for moving a lot of units.

Anyway, here are some of the performances everyone are talking about: Janet opened the show with her headset not plugged into anything; Miss Fenty showed up in strips of cloth, bullets on her shoulders and a fake tattoo of her album name on her chest (she left her voice at home, however); Jennifer Lopez proved that you can't lip sync, dance and jump all at the same time; Lady Gaga is still scaring kids and she set a piano on fire, literally; Adam Lambert rubbed a dude's face in his crotch; and, oh, Whitney was there, too.

Miss Fenty's performance.



Janet's performance.



Jay Z, feat Alicia Keys


Whitney.


Mary J. Blige.


Jennifer Lopez.


Lady Gaga.


Eminem


Black Eyed Peas


Adam Lambert



Here were the winners, in case you care.
Artist Of The Year: Taylor Swift
International Artist Of The Year: Whitney Houston
Favorite Pop/Rock Male Artist: Michael Jackson
Favorite Pop/Rock Female Artist: Taylor Swift
Favorite Pop/Rock Band, Duo or Group: The Black Eyed Peas
Favorite Pop/Rock Album: Taylor Swift - Fearless
Favorite Country Male Artist: Keith Urban
Favorite Country Female Artist: Taylor Swift
Favorite Country Band, Duo or Group: Rascal Flatts
Favorite Country Album: Taylor Swift - Fearless
Favorite Hip-Hop Male Artist: Jay-Z
Favorite Hip-Hop Album: Jay-Z - Blueprint
Favorite Soul/R&B Male Artist: Michael Jackson
Favorite Soul/R&B Female Artist: Beyoncè
Favorite Soul/R&B Band, Duo or Group: The Black Eyed Peas
Favorite Soul/R&B Album: Michael Jackson - Number Ones
Favorite Soundtrack Album: Twilight
Favorite Adult Contemporary Artist: Taylor Swift
Favorite Alternative Rock Artist: Green Day
Favorite Latin Artist: Aventura
Favorite Contemporary Inspirational Artist: Mary Mary
Breakthrogh Artist Of The Year: Gloriana

Start Your Engines: RuPaul's Drag Race Season 2 Preview, Meet the Cast

The second season of RuPaul's Drag Race, that show we couldn't get enough of last winter, will debut on Logo in February. Everything will remain the same -- except there'll be less Vaseline on the camera lens.

Ru tells Entertainment Weekly, “The biggest change in this season is the contestants are actually a bit more—how can I put this? -- they’re more tenacious. In the first season, they were a bit more diplomatic because they knew they were representing drag for the first time in a decade. This time around, though, the kids have seen the first show, they know what the prize is, and they know what’s at stake, so they have taken the gloves off.”

These are the queens who will vying for the top prize, won by Camerroooooooon last season.

Jessica Wild, San Juan, Puerto Rico
Jujubee, Boston, Mass.
Morgan McMichaels, Mira Loma, CA
Mystique Summers Madison, Bedford, TX
Nicole Paige Brooks, Atlanta, GA
Pandora Boxx, Rochester, NY
Tyra Sanchez, Orlando, FL
Raven, Riverside, CA
Sahara Davenport, New York, NY
Shangela Laquifa Wadley, Studio City, CA
Sonique, Atlanta, Ga.
Tatianna, Falls Church, VA

Since it's a competition, eleven of these gurls will have to sashay away. Watch, as they introduce themselves, below.

Jessica:


Jujubee:
>

Morgan:


Mystique:


Nicole:


Pandora:


Raven:


Sahara:


Shangela:


Sonique:


Tatiana:


Tyra:




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This Week On 'Wendy': Morris Chestnut, Tamala Jones, Toni Braxton, Naught By Nature

Here's a wrap-up of what you may have missed (or wanna see again) on this Wendy's talk show this week. Here's Actor Morris Chestnutt.




Actress Tamala Jones.



Hip-hop group Naughty by Nature performed.



Toni Braxton called in to talk about her new video "Yesterday" featuring Trey Songz.


Actor Rob Estes.


Audience member Derek has something to say about Rihanna.

Sarah Palin Admits to Being a Quitter Who Loves Porn, Unprotected Sex

When former Alaska governor Sarah Palin appeared on Oprah this week did you know she admitted to being naive, a quitter and a lover of porn and unprotected sex? Well, now know.

BTW: This video was the work of a clever video editor.

The video below is not doctored, however. An angry mob of Sarah Palin fans who turned up for her book signing in Alaska booed her and called her "quitter" when she wouldn't sign their books.

Oprah's New Show Will Be 'Smaller, Different,' Not Filmed in Chicago

Oprah's big announcement today may have surprised some, but it was old news for bloggers Roger Friedman and Nikki Finke who broke the story, and we picked up, three weeks ago.

So now that Oprah is quitting her successful talk show - that pays her some $275 million a year - what will she do next?

First things first: She's moving the hell outta Chicago!

According to Nikki, Oprah will call Southern California home and she's looking to "divest her real estate in Chicago 'as soon as possible.'"

"Why would anybody stay in Chicago? It's freezing here, and I have a mansion in Montecito that I haven't been able to enjoy," Oprah reportedly told her staff.

OWN, the Oprah's new cable channel in conjunction with Discovery Communications, will be headquarted in Los Angeles and her new show on that network will be "smaller and different".


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AJ Jewell's Body to Be Exhumed For Second Autopsy

As we just told you earlier today, AJ Jewell's parents met with the chief of police in Atlanta. The meeting was a success. The family requested AJ's body be exhumed for a second autopsy and they will get their wish.

Fulton District Attorney Paul Howard told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution newspaper he agreed to the exhumation because of two reasons.

"First, the Jewells are dissatisfied with the current autopsy findings. Second, and most important, is the unusual cause of death – that being the sickle cell crisis," he said.

The Jewells have always believed their son was murdered and they don't trust the medical examiner's report.

The final medical examiner's report said the cause of death was sickle cell disease, but it said the sickle cell attack was brought on by extreme exertion caused by the fight..

Markel Hutchins, the family's spokesperson, said the ME's report is a “direct contradiction to what medical experts” say.

He tells the newspaper the family suspects AJ's death was related to events that came “before and after” the fight.

He didn't elaborate, but he said the family, provided that information to Atlanta Police Chief Richard Pennington during their 90-minute meeting this morning.

Before AJ's body is exhumed, however, the family must get a court order.



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Rihanna 'Rated R' Review: Raunchy, Racy, Risqué

When Miss Fenty's album drops next week, its content will surprise most of you. Or maybe it won't. If you thought the good girl went bad on her last album, the girl on Rated R is mad as hell and she'll take off her "six-inch walkers" then stab you with them. Or she'll shoot your ass. Or, if you catch her on a really bad day, she'll stab you then shoot you.

The album's intro welcomes you to a mad house and warns "those of you who are easily frightened [to] turn away." Since we're never scared, we kept on listening.

Standout tracks include "Stupid In Love" which is a big ballad. It's about a girl who's in love with a boy, her friends are telling her to quit him, but she can't -- even though he's got "blood" on "his hands." But she eventually musters up the courage to leave. She belts out: "This is stupid / I'm not stupid / Don't talk to me, like I'm stupid / I still love you, but I just can't do this / I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid." It's one of those songs you will repeat over and over again and will hum it every where you go.

On "Rockstar 101", a mid-tempo song, she is cussing like a sailor and then utters this line: "Make sure you frisk me good, check my panties and my bra." We flatlined after that. Dead.

On "G4L", however, Miss Fenty takes the cussing to a whole 'nother level. We don't know what she's singing about, because we're still gagging from all the foul language. She throws around the N-word then throws in "motherfucker" this, "motherfucker" that, "bitch", "bitch" and guns, guns, guns. Wow! If you have young kids around, you may want to skip this one 'cause Miss Fenty's gangsta for life.

While it could be argued that the entire album has something to do with Chris Brown, "Cold Case Love" is the only song that actually draws specific references to a crime. In the six-plus minutes song -- the longest on the entire album -- she sings "what you did to me was a crime....and I let you reach me one more time, that's enough" and about "prints, pictures and white outlines" at the scene of the crime. She drops this line: "Your love was breaking the law, but I needed a witness." Boys and girls, we were all witnesses to that crime last February. She's said in recent interviews that this was the first song she recorded for Rated R and it shows, the song is raw and powerful.

The already released/leaked tracks "Hard", "Russian Roulette," Wait You Turn" and "Te Amo" are certifiable bangers, too.

Which now brings us to "Rude Boy." On this track, Miss Fenty sings about taking control in the bedroom and asks a boy if he can "get it up", if he's "big enough" and tells him how she's ride him hard, strong and all night long. What?!

We told ya. This is not the Rihanna you once knew and we like her. The album is worth getting and we give it a strong B+.

But it seems, kids, that that raunchy person on Rated R, is part of the real Miss Fenty.

She told German magazine Bravo she's not dating currently, but if a guy's hoping to impress her, he better be packing.

“He has to be good in bed and the size matters. You know what I mean? The inner beauty counts as well, but without a toy it doesn’t make it fun. Right now I don’t want to have a serious relationship, I want to have fun....I love flirting at the moment. I’m single and I’m enjoying my freedom. But I don´t give my phone number out that often. But if I’m dating, I check the boy from the top to the bottom.”

We hear that, girl.

BTW, we may know just the person for her. He's packing in the right areas.

Get Into It! 'My Pumps'!

Erickatoure Aviance, like every girl, loves shoes. She decided to write a song and make a video about it. She may look familiar. Erickatoure is the drag queen who almost got kicked out Wendy's TV show audience last summer because she's a drag queen.

This video is hawt. Bitch better mudda-effing werk!

AJ Jewell's Parents Meet With Atlanta Police Chief Seeking Answers

Days after the death of AJ Jewell, the former fiance of "Real Housewives of Atlanta" co-star Kandi Burruss, was ruled a homicide, his parents with with Atlanta Police Chief Richard Pennigton.

Pastor Ashley Jewell and his wife Purtis had a meeting the police chief this morning in an effort to get some answers. The Jewells have maintained that their son was beaten to death, murdered.