Mother Pimped Kids For Drugs

A Denver mother has been charged with pimping out her 13-year-old daughter and her 13-year-old friend to gang members in exchange for crack cocaine, methamphetamine or cash. The mother would then use the money to buy drugs for herself and drugs and alcohol for the girls. A witness said he had sex with one of the girls at least 100 times for $40 to $60 per pop. One of the girls, now 14, is pregnant. Obviously. But how many STDs is she harboring?

You Betta Werk, Miss Honey!

RuPaul's Drag Race Gets Spinoff

If you're like us and can't get enough of RuPaul's Drag Race, we have some good news to share -- Ru's girrrlllls are getting a spinoff series.

Drag U is a special university that enrolls "biological women" in an attempt to get them in touch with their inner divas, according to the LA Times. "Each episode will feature three women going to drag school, and they will be evaluated based on their Drag Point Average. Think "Drag Queen for a Day" meets "Extreme Drag Makeover." There is a winner at the end, but everyone's a winner on Draguation Day."

Past Drag Race contestants will serve as professors at Drag U.

We can't wait.



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Do We Blame Toyota for This Epic Parking Fail?

This happened last October, but we've never seen it. It. Is. Nuts.

(Sidebar: The 62-year-old female driver (and yes, we know, she was driving a BMW) was later arrested.)

More Racism at University of California San Diego: Noose Found Hanging in Library

Students at the University of California at San Diego have long complained that the campus is rife with racism, especially after that notorious "Compton Cookout". Last night, things came to ahead when a noose was found hanging from a bookcase in the library.

This morning about 300 students protest on the campus after word of the noose's discovery.

The female student who admitted to hanging the noose, which campus police say was left with the intent to terrorize, was not arrested, but was suspended.



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Cop Charged With Sexually Assaulting Transgender Man

A San Antonio, Texas police officer was arrested and charged with sexually assaulting a transgender man, according to News 4 WOAI.

The man claims officer Craig Nash (pictured) picked him up Thursday morning, handcuffed him, and told him to lay down in the back seat of a patrol car. The officer then drove to a nearby location, un-handcuffed him and sexually assaulted the unidentified victim.

The victim said the officer performed two sex acts on him, which had us wondering what they were. A professional, of course! But did the cop rape him third-input? Or, if the trans man has not yet undergone sexual reassignment surgery, perhaps he officer penetrated the victim's vagina?

Questions, questions.

After the assault, the victim said the officer dropped him off at a nearby school. He then took a bus to a police station to report the assault. The victim later identified the cop in a photo line-up and police linked his patrol car to the alleged scene using a GPS tracking system.

How You Doin' Craig has been charged with sexual assault and official oppression. He has been with the San Antonio Police Department for more than six years.



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Woman at Center of NY Gov. David Paterson Scandal -- In Her Own Words

If you live in New York (or care about New York politics) then you know hell is breaking loose in Albany. The state's first African-American governor David Paterson announced in a press conference this afternoon that he will not run for election. Why? The New York Times found out that he (allegedly) called a woman -- who claimed the governor's right-hand-man David Johnson aka "DJ", beat her ass -- and told her not to show up for her court date the next morning. Governor Paterson also (allegedly) dispatched State Troopers (out of their jurisdiction) to the woman's Brooklyn home to pressure her not to press charges against DJ, who was once her boyfriend. A mess! Anyway, the NBC affiliate in New York obtained an audiotape of the woman at the center of the political takedown.

Report: Johnny Depp Smells Like (a Four-Letter Word That Begins With 'S')

Actor Johnny Depp and his girlfriend Vanessa Paradis personal hygiene (or lack there of) is coming under fire.

An unnamed source tells Fox 411: "Johnny usually smells because he rarely showers. He isn't big on personal cleanliness and Vanessa isn't much different. They found their perfect match in each other - it's hard to be around them. Their personal hygiene is not their priority....When Johnny shows up for work or travel, he's usually in rough shape. If he's showing up for work on set, he'll be a total professional, but that doesn't mean he'll be shiny and clean. He entrusts his movie looks to his hair, make-up and costume team. He's quite a character in person."

And, as for Vanessa, the source was equally unkind, saying “Vanessa is the furthest thing from a supermodel every second that she isn't on a big photo shoot. No makeup and unruly hair - she's a bit of a mess normally."

Wow! Wow! Wow!




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White House Party Promoter-in-Chief Resigns

After 14 months on the job and 330 events to her credit, White House Social Secretary Desiree Rogers is handing in her clip board and exiting the velvet ropes.

"When I took on this assignment, we talked about the importance of creating the people's house. My work was really to create this framework," she told the Chicago Sun-Times. "I think I completed that work. Our office has been able to lay the foundation for what will be known as the 'people's house' and it has already taken shape."

Oh, regarding that major snafu?

She said, "The incident at the State Dinner was not a deciding factor. But it did show me a side of the job and of Washington that I had not seen before."

She'll now explore options in the "corporate world."

Desiree's departure should make Oprah very happy.


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RIP Sasha Fierce (2008-2010)

Mrs Carter gave in interview to Extra in which she was asked (for the umpteenth time) when she plans to give Jay-Z (more) babies. During the interview, she also proclaimed that Sasha Fierce (who spawned a global phenomenon) is done, she killed her. We hope she disposed of the body (along with that gold glove) somewhere cadaver dogs won't be able to find it.

13-year-old Girl Raped at Don King's Estate

Craig Jones, 36, an associate of boxing promoter Don King has been accused of raping an underage girl...again.

The Palm Beach Post reports:

Police are investigating an allegation that an associate of famed boxing promoter Don King raped a 13-year-old girl earlier this month at King's oceanfront estate in Manalapan.

The Lantana girl told police she ran away from home Feb. 11 and was picked up in Lantana by a man driving a Chevrolet Suburban that turned out to be owned by King.

She claimed the man took her to a guest house on King's Manalapan property at 900 S. Ocean Blvd., made her pose for photographs and pursuaded her to have sex, according to a Lantana police report.

Questioned by police, the man admitted he had brought her to King's estate but denied having sexual contact with her.

A physical examination of the girl indicated she had recently been sexually abused, the report said.

In 2003, the suspect in this case was accused of raping a 14-year-old in Westchester, NY using the same MO. He brought the girl to a cousin's house and after having her pose for photos, raped her. He was acquitted of the rape charge but pleaded guilty to a lesser charge of endangering the welfare of a child.


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Really, Tennessee? Really?!?

Obviously, lawmakers in Tennessee have nothing to do with their time.

Flight Attendants' Fistfight Grounds Plane

A flight from Rochester, New York to Atlanta was grounded Thursday after two flight attendants got into a brawl.

“Apparently they got into a fistfight on the plane,” a passenger said. “The pilot decided to kick everyone off the plane.”

A spokesman for Pinnacle Airlines -- which operated the Delta Connection flight -- said the two women have been suspended while an investigation is conducted.

He described the fight as a "little" argument that started as the plane was returning to the gate after a passenger complained of panic attacks.

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WATCH: Woman Throws Baby on Sidewalk

After the media filed papers, this surveillance footage of a woman throwing her baby on a sidewalk in Australia was released this week. The drunk unidentified woman got into an argument with her boyfriend because he wouldn't take her home after they all were out on the town getting sauced. So, she decided to get his attention by throwing their baby on the ground. Clearly, bish lost her f*cking mind! She's now facing child endangerment charges.

Report: Janet and Jermaine Are Fighting

Jermaine Jackson has long been planning to produce a Jackson 5 reunion tour, but with Michael dead, he had to find a person who's had a hit in the last decade and people would actually spend money to see. So, he told the media, "Janet will be joining us. We're all talking about it now. She has never played with us before so that will be very special. She definitely wants to do it. We had a conference call and Janet has agreed to join us on tour."

Apparently he never cleared that bit of information with Janet, who never agreed to join the tour.

Now, the Chicago Sun-Times' Bill Zwecker is reporting that Janet let Jermaine have it!

He writes: "I understand that Janet Jackson got into a huge screaming match with brother Jermaine -- furious about him floating the rumor she would join him and their brothers for a long-touted "Jackson 5" reunion tour tribute to Michael. This comes after Jermaine earlier said Janet would be part of that big Vienna tribute to MJ that never happened last fall."

We don't know if we believe Bill's sources on this one. Given Janet and Jermaine's soft speaking voices, we can't picture them actually screaming at each other -- unless they did so in sign language with the help of interpreters. But if this screaming match did happen, that's an event we would spend good money to see.


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WATCH: Women Sue Man Whose Sperm They Bought on Craigslist

Sha and Kandi Moore, a lovely lesbian couple, went to court -- The People's Court, to be exact -- to recoup the $783.21 they paid Oakdan Dragt, who responded to an ad Sha and Kandi posted on Craigslist seeking men to sell their sperm to get both of them pregnant. You see where this is going? Epic People's Court case!

Teen Girls Cut Baby Out of Mother's Womb

We've seen this sort of of evil before, but never from teenage girls.

The Daily Mail reports:

Two teenage girls allegedly lured a pregnant woman to an abandoned building and ripped her baby from her womb in a makeshift caesarean.
The two girls, aged just 16 and 14, allegedly planned the attack on Maria Amparo Rivera Girata, 18, to replace the child the older girl lost to a miscarriage.
The 16-year-old girl is said to have plotted to take Miss Girata's child to prevent her boyfriend from finding out she had lost their child after a fall.
Miss Girata went to the building in the central Colombian town of Duitama on Monday for a supposed job interview
She was allegedly set upon by the two girls, who tied her hands and feet with rope and held a knife to her throat.
Then then cut her open and removed the baby.
Volunteers from the Defensa Civil found the woman, still conscious, with serious injuries to her abdomen.
The 16-year-old was found nearby and the 14-year-old was arrested with the baby at a hospital. They both appeared in court yesterday on charges of attempted murder and grievous bodily harm.

After emergency surgery and received several blood transfusions, Maria is recovering. Her two-month-old premature baby boy is said to be recovering satisfactorily in an incubator.


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Patti LaBelle: Some American Idol Judges Aren't Qualified

Oh, snap. The legendary Patti LaBelle is going in on American Idol.

In an interview with the AP yesterday, she admits she was first approached to join the judging panel before crazy Paula Abdul in 2002, but turned down the offer.

Adding: "Some of the judges, I don't think they're qualified to even judge. The comments that were made, they could make you like, wanna kill yourself."

She doesn't say which of the judges she's referring to, however.

Miss Patti does offer some advice to would-be contestants.

"If you believe in yourself, just go for it. What do you have to lose? And when people tell you 'You can't,' you have to say, 'I can.'"



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Woman Sues 50 Cent Over Sex Tape

A Florida woman has sued 50 Cent claiming he unlawfully distributed her homemade sex video over the Internet after editing himself into it as a wig-wearing narrator.

Lastonia Leviston filed a lawsuit yesterday claiming unauthorized use of her name or image and emotional distress caused by the public release of a video she made with a lover in 2008.

The lawsuit claims 50 Cent posted the video on his Web site last year after blurring out the lover's face. It also claims the rapper introduces the video while wearing a curly wig and fluffy blue robe and can be heard narrating throughout.


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Child Molesters Have a New Defense Now

Here's a new one.

A 41-year-old man charged with aggravated sexual battery claims the victim, a 12-year-old girl, blackmailed him into having sex.

That's his defense and he's sticking to it.

Jesse James Warwick told cops “the victim had blackmailed him to do stuff to her he did not want to do."

According to him, the girl made him give her a professional then returned the favor. She says that's not the case; he forced himself upon her. But Jesse later admitted to cops he once rubbed up on the girl's naked butt.

So, if he's to believed, he was outwitted by a 12-year-old? Either he's not too bright or he's angling for an insanity defense.



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Killer Whale Kills Trainer at SeaWorld

A SeaWorld Orlando employee died after being attacked by a killer whale this afternoon.

Officials said the veteran trainer, 40-year-old Dawn Brancheau (pictured above with a whale at the water park), was in the whale holding area behind the Shamu Stadium when she slipped, fell into the tank, was pulled under water by the whale and drowned at about 2pm.

At the time of the attack, more than 40 tourists watched in horror.

A Brazilian couple said they watched the whale show at the park two days earlier and came back to take pictures. But this afternoon the whales appeared agitated before the incident occurred.

"It was terrible. It's very difficult to see the image," the man tells the Orlando Sentinel.

Dawn was bleeding from the face or mouth, they said, and the whale turned her over and over as it swam.

Other witnesses said that a female trainer was petting a whale when it grabbed her and plunged back into the water. The whale reappeared on the other side of the tank with the woman.

Within minutes, an alarm in the viewing area sounded and security personnel arrived to escort tourists out.

The Sentinel is also reporting that the whale, named Tillikum, has been involved in two deadly attacks in the past. The first in 1991, when it was deemed responsible for the drowning death of one of its trainers at Sealand of the Pacific in British Columbia. The whale was involved in a second incident when authorities discovered the body of a naked man lying across his back in July 1999. Authorities concluded that the man probably died from hypothermia and that Tillikum had bit the man and tore off his swimming trunks, likely believing he was a toy to play with. But what's even more troubling is that a former SeaWorld contractor said the whale in question is typically kept isolated from SeaWorld's other killer whales and that trainers were not allowed to get in the water with him because of his violent history.

Orange County Sheriff's Office and SeaWorld officials said the death appears to have been an accident and the investigation is ongoing.



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Woman Knocked Back a 40, Then Went to Kid's School to Cut a Bitch With Her Sword

 
Someone come pick us up off the floor when this is all over. We are seriously gagging. What the hell, Memphis?!?

WATCH: Tiger Woods' Apology Remixed, Remastered, Repurposed

Last Friday Tiger Woods delivered a speech he's been rehearsing for a while. It was horrible. That only motivated some clever folks to make the 13-odd minute "apology" better. Please do enjoy.

NYC Sportscaster Raped 14-year-old Prostitute, DA Says

OMFG! No, Marvel. Nooooooo!!!!! Yesterday a grand jury indicted former WABC sportscaster Marvell Scott, 36, who has been charged with rape, patronizing a prostitute and child endangerment. According to the New York County District Attorney, Marvell met with a pimp in June 2008 and paid him to bring two teenage girls, ages 14 and 16, up to his NYC apartment. He then raped the 14-year-old girl in his bedroom, while the older girl was in the room. If you live in NYC, then you know that Marvell, a medical doctor who specializes in sports medicine, abruptly left WABC (Channel 7) in April 2009 saying he was on vacation, but never returned. He later said he was going to focus on his medical practice. Now, all the dots are coming together. If you're reading this on Rikers Island, tell your boys a cute one will be there soon.

New EMT Audio: Michael Jackson Was DOA

A new recording has surfaced on an ambulance workers' web forum and purports to be a Los Angeles Fire Department paramedic calling the UCLA hospital to tell them that Michael Jackson, whom they were transporting, has died.

The voice says: "Patient is Michael Jackson, the pop star singer. No pulse, no breathing. Unresponsive. Tried to resuscitate him. Unsuccessful. We've done everything we can. We should be there in five minutes. It doesn't look good. It doesn't look good."

An LAFD spokesman tells the Sun newspaper: "I couldn't confirm that is one of our workers. It could be. They refer to 'pop star Michael Jackson' but it is not our practice to name names."

WATCH: Black Man Who Was Effed Up By Epic Beard Man Tells His Side of the Story

Michael, the dude who got f*cked up by Epic Beard Man, tells his side of the tragic tale to a Bay Area radio station. Are you getting the HUD vibe, too?

Woman Says Love Handles Saved Her Life

A Florida woman was visiting Atlantic City last weekend when she got shot, but had she not have those love handles, which she said saved her lives, she would've been dead.

Samantha Lynn Frazier, 35, said she heard two pops when she walked into a bar about 1:30am Saturday. She then felt pain and saw blood on her hand after she grabbed her left side.

Detective Lt. Charles Love said Samantha was an innocent bystander and the gunman was aiming for a man who escaped with a bullet hole in his down jacket.

The suspect remains at large.

She told The Press of Atlantic City: "I'm going to be 36 in July. Thank God, I'm going to be 36. I could have been dead. They said my love handles saved my life. I'd been hollering how I want to lose weight," she added. "I don't want to lose weight anymore. I want to be as big as I can if it's going to stop a bullet."

We are leaving that alone.



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WATCH: Man Purposely Shoots Himself (Graphic)

Seriously, we hope this idiot isn't allowed to have children.

Colorado Bans Puppet Cleavage

The New York Post reports:
Puppet cleavage is too risqué for the Bible Belters in Colorado Springs. Bus shelter posters for a touring production of "Avenue Q" -- featuring the decolleté on a fuzzy pink puppet -- were rejected by Lamar Advertising and replaced with posters showing the face of another character in the Tony-winning musical. Lamar account executive Jeff Moore told the AP the agency takes a conservative approach in the Colorado town known for conventional traditions. Just wait till they find out some of the puppets are gay.


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French Teens Give Tobacco Industry a Professional

Are you outraged? Shocked? Slightly turned on? Well, the French have been trying their darndest to stop teenagers from smoking. So they created these sexually suggestive ads in the hope teens will realize that, by smoking, they're giving someone a professional then flick the cigarette out of their hand -- or something. (According to the French Office for the Prevention of Smoking, 8% of 14-year-olds, 18% of 16-year-olds and 25% of 18-year-olds smoke cigarettes.)

Sidebar: If you don't read French, the slogan is “To smoke is to be a slave to tobacco.”




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Woman Sold Kids for Bird, $175

A 52-year-old Pitkin, La. woman has pleaded guilty to two counts of sale of a minor in connection with allegations she traded two children to a couple in exchange for a cockatoo and $175.

Donna Louise Greenwell was sentenced Monday to 15 months of hard labor on each count, which will run concurrently. She'll begin her sentence next month.

Greenwell was accused of selling the couple a 4-year-old girl and 5-year-old boy.

Both children were under her care after the children's biological parents had left them with her.

The couple, Paul James Romero and Brandy Lynn Romero, each pleaded guilty to the same charges in October.

Investigators said she called Paul J. Romero, 46, and Brandy Lynn Romero, 27, early last year after seeing a flyer they posted offering a cockatoo for sale, and offered to deliver the children for about $2,000. When the Romeros said they could not afford that, a deal was stuck for the bird, valued at $1,500, plus cash.

"It was a really clumsy attempt at an adoption proceeding. She was trying to help the children and get them situated," Donna's lawyer said.


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Saddam Hussein's Private Photo Album

When US troops stormed a farm in Tikrit, Iraq, hoping to find a fugitive Saddam Hussein on June 18, 2003, he wasn't there. But they did find his family photo album, $8 million in cash and his wife's jewelry collection. The photos, which showed Saddam with family, friends and bodyguards was turned over to the National Infantry Museum and the folks over at The Slate got their hands on some of them.

Joan Rivers: Victoria Beckham is Classless, Nasty and Should Go Back to London

Joan Rivers is in rare form. In an interview with UK's Closer magazine, the 76-year-old comedian throws grease at Victoria Beckham, calling the singer-cum-fashion designer "rude, "vulgar" and suggests she moves back to the UK.

[CAUTION: Grease ahead.]

Victoria Beckham is so nasty. Why doesn't she just go home?! Her dresses are beautiful, but I don't care what she does. She's mean to all the people around her. She's too short to be a diva. We all use the same hairdressers, make-up artists, limo-drivers and greeters at the airports in LA and nobody has anything nice to say about her. They say she's rude. She can't always just be having a bad day....Victoria should get a life. I am not a fan of outrageous consumption. I think it is vulgar. And no-one should flaunt that they have a hundred Hermes bags. Not when people are starving. Everyone should be allowed to have a great time but she shows a distinct lack of class....I dislike Victoria Beckham. The entitlement - the total entitlement. You want to say, 'Calm down, you were a Spice Girl.' The arrogance when she walks into a room is astonishing."

Say it like you mean it, Joan. Wow.

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Jeff Lewis Hates HSN

While some of you find Jeff Lewis' brand of bitchiness off-putting, we find it refreshing and utterly hilarious. The star of Bravo's Flipping Out was hawking chotchkies on QVC Sunday night and drinking red wine when he blurted out that the competing network -- HSN -- is "horrible", then proceeded to say why he thought so. We thought, however, after the host's audible gasp, the screen would immediately go to snow or colored bars. So, are Jeff and Nate Berkus (who's HSN's gay celebrity housewares peddler) feuding? Seriously. Someone could get hurt.

Judge for yourself: Here's Jeff's crap and Nate's crap.

Whitney Houston's Antics Prove The Enquirer Right

Whitney's world tour may soon come to an end if she doesn't get her act together. Seriously. Last week we reported that she collapsed backstage after her first show, now there are reports that she was exhibiting crackish behavior...on stage!

She played Australia's Brisbane Entertainment Centre last night and after "singing" (read: struggling through) six songs, Whitney appeared disoriented and sweat poured down her face. She left the stage for twenty minutes to take a.... ahem....break. While she was gone, her brother, Gary, took the mic and began to sing.

One concertgoer: "It was a disgrace. She can't sing. She didn't sing one song properly. She was disorientated and she needed a 20-minute break. It was the first concert I have walked out of in my life."

While another added: "She couldn't entertain a dead rat, to be honest."

Ouch.

Whitney's paid spokesperson said: "[Whitney] was hitting most of the notes, yes her throat was a little croaky. Her health is fine but she's also not 22 years of age anymore."

Hey, Mr Spokesperson, Shirley Bassey, Patti LaBelle and Tina Turner are also not 22 (in fact, they're older than Whitney) and they can still put on a show.

Seriously, Whitney is basically writing the National Enquirer's next few stories for them.


Here's video of Whitney singing (read: failing horribly to get through one of her biggest hits) "I Will Always Love You."



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Perplexing Penis Pants

Fashion designers are f*cking crazy. How else do you explain liquid leggings and these ridiculous-looking penis pants by Isabel Mastache.

But, wait! The lunacy doesn't end there. Check out the video from the runway show.




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The Most Adorable Thing You'll See Today

This is utterly hilarious, too. A pigeon gets on a train in Toronto then casually saunters off at a station.

Ric Flair's Wife Charged With Assaulting Him

Jacqueline Beems, the 41-year-old wife of wrestler Ric Flair, was arrested and charged Sunday with with simple assault. Apparently, after an argument Jacqueline punched Ric several times in the face. And, unlike fake wrestling, his injuries last Sunday were very real. Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Sidebar: This is not the first time Ric was involved in a physical familial altercation, according to WTVD. In September 2008 neighbors called cops when they heard a commotion in the parking lot of their apartment complex and when officers arrived, they found Ric, his daughter Ashley Fliehr and an unidentified 22-year-old man at the scene. According to reports, the three were involved in a fight that left Ric bloodied and bruised. He declined to file charges in the case, but, his daughter was tasered and charged with resisting arrest and assault after she kicked an officer.


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Jayson Williams Gets 5 Years in Jail for Shooting Driver

Former NBA star Jayson Williams was sentenced to five years in prison this morning for fatally shooting a hired limo driver in 2002. He will be eligible for parole in 18 months, reports the AP.

Jayson, avoiding a retrial on a reckless manslaughter count that deadlocked the jury at his 2004 trial, pleaded guilty last month to aggravated assault in the death of Costas Christofi on Feb. 14, 2002. At the same 2004 trial, he was acquitted of aggravated manslaughter but convicted on four counts of covering up the shooting.

Williams was accused of recklessly handling the shotgun that killed the 55- year-old Christofi and then trying to make the shooting look self-inflicted. He asked his guests to help him in the cover-up.

On the night of the shooting, the 55-year-old Costas had driven Jayson and several of the basketball player's friends to Jayson's New Jersey mansion after taking them to a local restaurant.

He said at his plea hearing last month that he gave the group a tour of the house and showed them his gun collection in his bedroom. While showing off a double-barreled 12-gauge shotgun, he admitted, he failed to check the safety mechanism and inspected only one of the two barrels before snapping it shut.

The gun fired, striking Costas once in the chest and killing him. Witnesses testified that Jayson tried to cover up his involvement by initially placing the gun in Christofi's hands and instructing those present in the bedroom to lie about what happened.

Since 2002, Jayson has been charged with drunken driving and tried faked a suicide attempt.




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Blind Item: Which Real Housewife is Gay?

This Real Housewife who is not currently married but had an intriguing heterosexual relationship on the show is gay.

Ahem...



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We Don't Know What to Say

Aside from, blame it on the te-te-te-tequila and How You Doin!

Woman Found Guilty of Killing Daughters in Freezer

Renee Bowman, 44, was found guilty this afternoon of two first-degree murder charges in the deaths of two of her adopted daughters, whose bodies were found in a freezer in her home in September 2008. Renee is already facing a 25-year sentence for abusing a third adopted daughter. As they say, ain't no good gonna come to this evil monster.

Man Breaks Into Jail to Have Sex With Girlfriend

A German man who broke into jail at night to have sex with his incarecerated girlfriend was arrested and now, he too, faces a stint behind bars.

Every night for almost a month Daniele Eberhardt, 33, scaled a ten-foot fence, dodged surveillance cameras and used a skeleton key made from a spoon to break into the low-security jail in the British Army garrison town of Bielefeld, Germany.

Friedhel Sanker, deputy governor of the prison, said: "Some of the other women felt that their sleep was being disturbed, while others feared that the man might try to come and visit them, too. They were going at it quite energetically, apparently."

An inmate said: "It was like listening to a bad porno movie. Lots of grunting and groaning, whispering sweet nothings. It was very hard on us who didn't have anyone to cuddle up with. You have to hand it to him - it took some nerve to break into a place most people want to get out of!"

After other inmates complained, prison officials installed survellienace cameras and horned-up Daniele was caught and arrested. He was charged with tresspasing and will face a judge next month.


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WATCH: We Are The World 25 For Haiti (YouTube Edition)

This re-recording of We Are the World by 57 YouTubers slays this recent re-recording. Sorry, Quincy Jones. (Lisa, girl, you betta sang!)


Thanks Walter for the tip.

Man Stole 1,200 Pairs of Shoes

South Korean police have arrested a second-hand shop owner suspected of stealing 1,200 pairs of shoes at funerals, according to ITN.

The police believe the 59-year-old suspect, identified only as Park, stole the shoes at various funerals and mourning halls at big hospitals over the past years.

Mourners in South Korea take off their shoes before paying respect to the deceased at funerals. The shoes are left at the entrance of the funeral hall.

The police arrested Park and found 172 boxes filled with 1,200 pairs of shoes in his house.

So far, only 35 pairs of shoes have been returned to their owners, and the police station is planning to hold a viewing for the shoes again next week.




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Crackheads Are Outta Control (Part 6)

Somewhere in Trinidad, dude's on a roll.

Woman Wants $1 Million Per Month in Spousal Support!

Jamie McCourt, the wife of Los Angeles Dodgers owner Frank McCourt, is asking for $988,845 per month in temporary spousal support.

The Los Angeles Times reports:

In filing for divorce in October, Jamie McCourt asked for $488,000 per month in temporary support. The revised request -- for $988,845 per month -- reflects property-tax bills as well as additional records that her lawyers claim can show the couple averaged $2.3 million per month in salaries, distributions and perks starting in 2004, when the McCourts bought the Dodgers.

Frank McCourt still would have $1.3 million per month to maintain his lifestyle, her lawyers wrote.

"Jamie fully recognizes that the . . . award which she will be seeking will be viewed by many people as being astronomical," according to the filing. "That may very well be the case. But Jamie's request also has been thoroughly documented . . . as being wholly consistent with the parties' marital lifestyle."

In an attempt to minimize his financial exposure for possible divorce proceedings, her lawyers allege, Frank McCourt and his advisors used "blatant balance sheet manipulations" in providing a June 2009 financial statement estimating his net worth at $163 million -- nine months after estimating his net worth at $835 million in another statement.

The court will hear Jamie's case next month.


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WATCH: Epic Beard Man Speaks on Bus Beatdown

On Monday the world learned an important lesson: Do not to mess with Thomas "I'm A Motherfucker" Bruso aka Epic Beard Man. Since the airing of that one awesome video, he has become a hero to many. Someone tracked him down on a street in Oakland where Thomas opened up about the events of that day. He said the fight began over a shoe shine controversy. He said the black man, who served time in prison for murder and is on parole, drew a knife then struck him in the face first. We all know what happened next. Thomas isn't as tough as you think, however. He broke down in tears as he spoke of his mother, but left us with a very important take-away point: "Don't fuck with senior citizens." Noted.

Urine Slip 'n Slide Sends Wife to Jail

After a wild night of drinking, Deanne Elsholz was arrested and charged with domestic violence after hitting her husband in the face with a glass cup when he urinated on the bathroom floor of their Land O'Lakes, Fla. trailer home, reports the St. Petersburg Times.

The story is made for Jerry Springer.

"What are you doing?" Deanne, 44, asked David, 50, when she heard his urine spraying the floor, according to what she told authorities.

She said her husband then slapped her about the head with a towel and, in retaliation, she threw a glass from her nightstand at his face. It hit him in the nose, a report states, and blood poured down his chest and arms.

Then, Deanne "ran into the bathroom and slipped on David's pee," the report states.

She told deputies David kicked her in the ribs while she was on the ground, and she crawled to get her phone and called 911.

David's story was that he was sleeping and woke up to use the bathroom.

After urinating, he went back to bed but Deanne started yelling at him, the report states.

"David told her he didn't want to argue and he just wanted to sleep."

Then she hit him with the glass, he told authorities.

Oh, the hilarity!

When cops arrived, the trailer was "cluttered with Natural Light beer cans" and Deanne and David were drunk as hell. She was found to be the aggressor in the altercation and that's she was was arrested.

Sidebar: David is no innocent. He has been arrested twice for domestic battery.


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Report: Oprah, Gayle To Adopt Baby

Oprah, like Whitney -- who, by the way, they say collapsed backstage at her recent concert because, ahem, she's still hitting that crack pipe -- are tabloid staples. When they're not discussing her weight or her relationship with Stedman, they're discussing her How You Doin relationship with BFF Gayle.

Joining the fray this week, the Globe is reporting that Oprah and Gayle plan to scour the planet in search of the perfect baby boy to become the heir to the talk shown queen's multi-billion fortune.

"I think as Oprah's gotten older, she realizes she wants someone to carry on her legacy. She had a premature baby -- and lost it -- when was 14. Now, she's amassed a fortune and finally wants to pass it on," says an unnamed friend.

According to the report, Oprah and Gayle have discussed adoption "for several years now" and Gayle will serve as the baby's "second mother."

Adds the source: "Oprah wants to be sure that if she dies before the child is grown, Gayle will be every bit as close and devoted to the child as she will be....She and Gayle have been partners in every other aspect of their lives. Raising a child together late in life will cap all their other accomplishments."

The report quickly moves from the insane to the morbid.

According to the tabloid's "experts," Oprah has just three more years to live and her sooner than expected expiration date is the impetus for adopting a baby now.

Going back to Whitney, the Enquirer predicts she'll be dead in five years.



Source: Globe, March 1, print edition

Family Guy Voiceover Actor Disses Sarah Palin For Real This Time

After “Family Guy” aired an episode in which the Chris goes on a date with a girl named Ellen, who has Down syndrome, and who tells him over dinner that her mother is “the former governor of Alaska.” Suffice it to say, Sarah Palin, who's son Trig has Down syndrome took offense. She said the joke “really isn’t funny” and was the work of “cruel, cold-hearted people.” But how would she feel knowing the actress whose voice was used in the show has Down syndrome?

Andrea Fay Friedman, the 39-year-old actor and public speaker, tells the New York Times:

I guess former Governor Palin does not have a sense of humor. I thought the line “I am the daughter of the former governor of Alaska” was very funny. I think the word is “sarcasm.” In my family we think laughing is good. My parents raised me to have a sense of humor and to live a normal life. My mother did not carry me around under her arm like a loaf of French bread the way former Governor Palin carries her son Trig around looking for sympathy and votes."

Grease!


Here's the Family Guy video.





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Michael Jackson Facing Rape, Murder Charges in Florida

Yesterday was the second day of testimony in a Green Cove Spring, Fla. courtroom in the trial of Michael Renard Jackson, the man accused of raping and killing a woman in 2007. That other Michael Jackson has already had his day in court. Plus, he's dead.

Andrea Boyer's body was found January 23, 2007, inside the veterinary clinic where she worked. Police say she came to work early that morning and Michael was there waiting for her. He raped her, then beat her to death with a fire extinguisher.

DNA found on Andrea's body led cops to arrest Michael, who was already a registered sex offender.

He faces the death penalty, if convicted.


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Rev. Al Sharpton's Daughter Beatdown by Boyfriend

Dominique Sharpton, the 23-year-old daughter of Rev. Al Sharpton was the victim of domestic violence -- Chris Brown style. According to prosecutors, Dominique's 6'7" boyfriend, Latrell Peeks, punched her in the face and pushed her out of his car. What?! Latrell was in court yesterday; the judge denied bail.

Frat Boys Mock Blacks at 'Ghetto,' 'Compton Cookout'

 
Like NBC earlier this month, a University of California, San Diego fraternity Pi Kappa Alpha wanted to celebrate Black History Month so it threw itself a party. HEEEEEEY! The party invited people to a condominium complex off-campus "in hopes of showing respect" during Black History Month. But the ghetto-themed "Compton Cookout" -- replete with fried chicken and watermelon -- was anything but respectful. In fact, administrators, political activists and students are outraged. Furthermore, of the 20,000 undergraduates at UCSD, just 200 are black and some of them say racism at UCSD is nothing new.

Here's a copy of the party invitation as posted on Facebook.

"February marks a very important month in American society. No, i'm not referring to Valentines day or Presidents day. I'm talking about Black History month. As a time to celebrate and in hopes of showing respect, the Regents community cordially invites you to its very first Compton Cookout.

"For guys: I expect all males to be rockin Jersey's, stuntin' up in ya White T (XXXL smallest size acceptable), anything FUBU, Ecko, Rockawear, High/low top Jordans or Dunks, Chains, Jorts, stunner shades, 59 50 hats, Tats, etc.

"For girls: For those of you who are unfamiliar with ghetto chicks - Ghetto chicks usually have gold teeth, start fights and drama, and wear cheap clothes- they consider Baby Phat to be high class and expensive couture. They also have short, nappy hair, and usually wear cheap weave, usually in bad colors, such as purple or bright red.

"They look and act similar to Shenaynay, and speak very loudly, while rolling their neck, and waving their finger in your face. Ghetto chicks have a very limited vocabulary, and attempt to make up for it, by forming new words, such as "constipulated", or simply cursing persistently, or using other types of vulgarities, and making noises, such as "hmmg!", or smacking their lips, and making other angry noises, grunts, and faces.

"The objective is for all you lovely ladies to look, act, and essentially take on these "respectable" qualities throughout the day. Several of the regents condos will be teaming up to house this monstrosity, so travel house to house and experience the various elements of life in the ghetto.

"We will be serving 40's, Kegs of Natty, dat Purple Drank- which consists of sugar, water, and the color purple , chicken, coolade, and of course Watermelon. So come one and come all, make ya self before we break ya self, keep strapped, get yo shine on, and join us for a day party to be remembered-or not."

But wait! The Black Alumni Council was planning a similar party. It was cancelled.

WATCH: Tiger Woods' Press Conference

Tiger Woods made a rare sighting this morning in Florida where he read a statement -- possibly written by his people then coached by them on how to look directly at the camera when saying 'I'm sorry' In the statement, he apologized to his friends, family and sponsors and called for the media to leave his wife and children alone.

"I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior I engaged in...People want to know how I could do these things to wife Elin and my children," he said. "I had affairs. I cheated. I am the only person to blame. I was wrong. I was foolish.... I ask you to find room in your heart to one day believe in me again.

While some speculated Elin would there to stand by her man, she was absent; his mother, however, was in the front row. Plus, if you look closely, he's not wearing a wedding ring.

On his relationship with Elin, he said: "Elin and I have started the process of discussing the damage caused my behaviour. As Elin pointed out to me, my real apology to her will not come in the form of words, it will come from my behaviour over time. We have a lot to discuss. However, what we say to each other will remain between the two of us."

Then he took on the media for following his wife and kids. Puh-leeze, he can't be that delusional not to think that when he gets into trouble and then goes into hiding, the press is not going to hound everyone he knows.

He said he doesn't expect to return to golf this year -- in fact, he's not sure when he'll return -- but he does plan to resume treatment and therapy for his sex addiction tomorrow.

Those reporters who showed up in Florida to see Tiger speak, were hold up in a separate building a half mile away, where they watched on TV.


This is the full text of Tiger's statement:

Good morning, and thank you for joining me. Many of you in this room are my friends. Many of you in this room know me. Many of you have cheered for me or you've worked with me or you've supported me.

Now every one of you has good reason to be critical of me. I want to say to each of you, simply and directly, I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior I engaged in.

I know people want to find out how I could be so selfish and so foolish. People want to know how I could have done these things to my wife, Elin, and to my children. And while I have always tried to be a private person, there are some things I want to say.

Elin and I have started the process of discussing the damage caused by my behavior. As Elin pointed out to me, my real apology to her will not come in the form of words; it will come from my behavior over time. We have a lot to discuss; however, what we say to each other will remain between the two of us.

I am also aware of the pain my behavior has caused to those of you in this room. I have let you down, and I have let down my fans. For many of you, especially my friends, my behavior has been a personal disappointment. To those of you who work for me, I have let you down personally and professionally. My behavior has caused considerable worry to my business partners.

To everyone involved in my foundation, including my staff, board of directors, sponsors and most importantly, the young students we reach, our work is more important than ever. Thirteen years ago, my dad and I envisioned helping young people achieve their dreams through education. This work remains unchanged and will continue to grow. From the Learning Center students in Southern California to the Earl Woods scholars in Washington, D.C., millions of kids have changed their lives, and I am dedicated to making sure that continues.

But still, I know I have bitterly disappointed all of you. I have made you question who I am and how I could have done the things I did. I am embarrassed that I have put you in this position.

For all that I have done, I am so sorry.

I have a lot to atone for, but there is one issue I really want to discuss. Some people have speculated that Elin somehow hurt or attacked me on Thanksgiving night. It angers me that people would fabricate a story like that. Elin never hit me that night or any other night. There has never been an episode of domestic violence in our marriage, ever. Elin has shown enormous grace and poise throughout this ordeal. Elin deserves praise, not blame.

The issue involved here was my repeated irresponsible behavior. I was unfaithful. I had affairs. I cheated. What I did is not acceptable, and I am the only person to blame.

I stopped living by the core values that I was taught to believe in. I knew my actions were wrong, but I convinced myself that normal rules didn't apply. I never thought about who I was hurting. Instead, I thought only about myself. I ran straight through the boundaries that a married couple should live by. I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to. I felt that I had worked hard my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me. I felt I was entitled. Thanks to money and fame, I didn't have to go far to find them.

I was wrong. I was foolish. I don't get to play by different rules. The same boundaries that apply to everyone apply to me. I brought this shame on myself. I hurt my wife, my kids, my mother, my wife's family, my friends, my foundation and kids all around the world who admired me.

I've had a lot of time to think about what I've done. My failures have made me look at myself in a way I never wanted to before. It's now up to me to make amends and that starts by never repeating the mistakes I've made. It's up to me to start living a life of integrity.

I once heard, and I believe it's true, it's not what you achieve in life that matters; it's what you overcome. Achievements on the golf course are only part of setting an example. Character and decency are what really count.

Parents used to point to me as a role model for their kids. I owe all those families a special apology. I want to say to them that I am truly sorry.

It's hard to admit that I need help, but I do. For 45 days from the end of December to early February, I was in inpatient therapy receiving guidance for the issues I'm facing. I have a long way to go. But I've taken my first steps in the right direction.

As I proceed, I understand people have questions. I understand the press wants to ask me for the details and the times I was unfaithful. I understand people want to know whether Elin and I will remain together. Please know that as far as I'm concerned, every one of these questions and answers is a matter between Elin and me. These are issues between a husband and a wife.

Some people have made up things that never happened. They said I used performance-enhancing drugs. This is completely and utterly false. Some have written things about my family. Despite the damage I have done, I still believe it is right to shield my family from the public spotlight. They did not do these things; I did.

I have always tried to maintain a private space for my wife and children. They have been kept separate from my sponsors, my commercial endorsements. When my children were born, we only released photographs so that the paparazzi could not chase them. However, my behavior doesn't make it right for the media to follow my two-and-a-half-year-old daughter to school and report the school's location. They staked out my wife and they pursued my mom. Whatever my wrongdoings, for the sake of my family, please leave my wife and kids alone.

I recognize I have brought this on myself, and I know above all I am the one who needs to change. I owe it to my family to become a better person. I owe it to those closest to me to become a better man. That's where my focus will be.

I have a lot of work to do, and I intend to dedicate myself to doing it. Part of following this path for me is Buddhism, which my mother taught me at a young age. People probably don't realize it, but I was raised a Buddhist, and I actively practiced my faith from childhood until I drifted away from it in recent years. Buddhism teaches that a craving for things outside ourselves causes an unhappy and pointless search for security. It teaches me to stop following every impulse and to learn restraint. Obviously, I lost track of what I was taught.

As I move forward, I will continue to receive help because I've learned that's how people really do change. Starting tomorrow, I will leave for more treatment and more therapy. I would like to thank my friends at Accenture and the players in the field this week for understanding why I'm making these remarks today.

In therapy, I've learned the importance of looking at my spiritual life and keeping in balance with my professional life. I need to regain my balance and be centered so I can save the things that are most important to me -- my marriage and my children.

That also means relying on others for help. I've learned to seek support from my peers in therapy, and I hope someday to return that support to others who are seeking help. I do plan to return to golf one day, I just don't know when that day will be.

I don't rule out that it will be this year. When I do return, I need to make my behavior more respectful of the game. In recent weeks, I have received many thousands of e-mails, letters and phone calls from people expressing good wishes. To everyone who has reached out to me and my family, thank you. Your encouragement means the world to Elin and me.

I want to thank the PGA Tour, Commissioner Finchem and the players for their patience and understanding while I work on my private life. I look forward to seeing my fellow players on the course.

Finally, there are many people in this room, and there are many people at home who believed in me. Today, I want to ask for your help. I ask you to find room in your heart to one day believe in me again.

Thank you.

Woman Suffered 18 Miscarriages

After 13 years of trying to have a baby and 18 subsequent miscarriages, a British woman has finally given birth to a healthy baby girl -- with the help of modern medicine.

Angie Baker, had high levels of a subtype of white blood cell, known as natural killer (NK) cells, which are responsible for protect the body from viruses. But because her NK cells were so aggressive, instead of protecting the fertilized egg they mistook the fetus for a foreign body and attacked it, according to the Daily Mail.

But with the help of a specialist and steroids given in the form of a pill taken once a day for two weeks prior to conception then 12 weeks after, Angie was able to conceive and deliver a baby.

Now, she's hoping she'll be able to give her daughter a brother or sister.



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The Winter Olympic Games Need This

More than 30.1 million tuned in last night to watch the Winter Olympics. Were you one of them? If this sport was introduced, however, we imagine millions and millions more would tune in.

Women Whipped in Malaysia For Adultery

Three Muslim women were caned last Tuesday for engaging in extramarital sex, Malaysian Home Minister Datuk Seri Hishammuddin Hussein said recently.

Two of the women where whipped six times and the third was given four strokes of the rotan at a local prison as 13 people watched.

The issue of caning women has ignited a fierce debate in the country after 32-year-old Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno was sentenced to be caned for drinking beer last July. (She has not been caned yet, however.)

“People are saying that no woman has been caned before and that Kartika should not be caned," Minister Hussein said. “Today I am announcing that we have already done it. There is no hidden agenda, we are merely executing our responsibility."

He said the three women didn't suffer any cuts or bruises following the caning but had confessed that the punishment had left a deep impact on them.

“They have all repented. They are also hoping that others will not go against the teachings of the religion,” he said, adding that the sentence was meted out according to Islamic rules. Which means, the women were checked to make sure they were not pregnant and were appropriately dressed according to the Islamic dress code.

“I hope there will be no more issues arising from the caning sentence which can be imposed by the Syariah Court on Muslim women to protect the sanctity of Islam,” he added. “The punishment is aimed at getting the offenders to repent and seek Allah’s forgiveness. It is also meant to educate Muslims to follow the teachings of Islam.”



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There Oughta To Be a Law

Is it just us, or are you also afraid this woman is gonna get a yeast infection or worse -- nerve damage.

The Jumpoff's Got Something to Say

Our favorite misunderstood crackhead politician is up to no-good again. Washington city councilman (and former mayor) Marion Barry is being investigated for violating conflict of interest laws when he gave his then girlfriend a $15,000 contract then pocketed some of those taxpayer dollars on the back-end. Now the ex-girlfriend, Donna Watts, the woman he was jumping off with and the woman he threw out of an hotel room because she wouldn't give him a professional and was arrested for stalking her, is coming to his defense. See, these two have a complicated relationship.

Behind The Epic Bus Beatdown Video

A couple days ago we showed you the most awesomest video. Ever! Now Iyanna Washington, the person who filmed Thomas "I Am A Motherfucker" Bruso effing up a big talker on an Oakland bus, is now taking us behind the drama and clearing up a few things via a written statement.

Here's Iyanna explaining what transpired that day to a reporter.

Elton John: Jesus Was Gay

In an interview with Parade magazine, Sir Elton John offered his take on Jesus' sexual orientation.

I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems. On the cross, he forgave the people who crucified him. Jesus wanted us to be loving and forgiving. I don’t know what makes people so cruel. Try being a gay woman in the Middle East — you’re as good as dead.

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