...but the tortoises are fighting to the death! The only thing to make this ever more epic, is a voiceover.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
FIGHT! This Dog's Life Was Spared...
...but the tortoises are fighting to the death! The only thing to make this ever more epic, is a voiceover.
Catty Fox News Rep Cuts LL Cool J From Sarah Palin's Show
When the Fox News Channel announced that its new show, "Real American Stories" hosted by Sarah Palin, will feature an interview with LL Cool J, he was shocked. Not because he isn't a real American with a real story, but because he never sat down for an interview with Sarah.
So last night he took to Twitter and wrote: "Fox lifted an old interview I gave in 2008 to someone else & are misrepresenting to the public in order to promote Sarah Palin's Show. WOW"
This morning, a bitchy spokesperson over at Fox decided to throw some grease:
"Real American Stories features uplifting tales about overcoming adversity and we believe Mr. Smith's interview fit that criteria. However, as it appears that Mr. Smith does not want to be associated with a program that could serve as an inspiration to others, we are cutting his interview from the special and wish him the best with his fledgling acting career."
What?!
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Girl Arrested For Selling 7-year-old Sister For Sex
A 15-year-old New Jersey girl has been charged with aggravated sexual assault, promoting prostitution and other crimes after she prostituted herself and her 7-year-old stepsister at a party attended by more than a dozen men and boys last weekend in Trenton.
The AP reports:
Police said the girls were outside Sunday afternoon in the neighborhood when the 15-year-old ran into two young men she knew who invited her to a party at the apartment. Rather than leave the 7-year-old behind, the teen took her along.By the time she made it home, the cops were at the house because her parents reported them missing.
At the party, the 15-year-old starting having sex with several of the men for money and then gave the younger girl some cash to let a group of men touch her, [Trenton police Capt. Joseph Juniak] said. He would not say how much money was exchanged.
"It went from touching to straight out assault and rape," Juniak said. "They threatened to kill her if she screamed or told anyone."
The child later put on her clothes and left the apartment; her sister stayed. Two women found the child crying outside the apartment and walked her home.
The nearly vacant public housing complex (read: the projects) where the rape occured is marred by violence, as actual off-duty police officers are hired by management to act as security. The tenant in the apartment where the rape took place was not home, and hasn't been at the resident for some time, the report says. So, cops are puzzled as to how the partygoers got in. They shouldn't be. Just last week, they were there to investigate a call about a home invasion and shooting.
BTW: The 7-year-old victim was treated a hospital and will receive psychological help.
Update: Police arrested 20-year-old Gregory Joseph Leary Wednesday night and charged him with statutory rape and endangering the welfare of a child.
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NeNe's Son is Arrested...Again!
Bryson Bryant, the son of Real Housewives of Atlanta star Nene Leakes, was arrested yesterday afternoon in Lawrenceville, Georgia. If you're keeping count, that's his second arrest in a matter of weeks.
Back on March 7, he was arrested for possession of weed while visiting someone at the Gwinnett County Jail (yea, we know, smart). This latest stint behind bars was an additional charge related to that arrest.
Bail was set at $5700 and he was released at 3:35 this morning.
In related news:
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution is confirming that attorney Phaedra Parks and model Cynthia Bailey will join the cast of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta,” which is currently filming its third season.
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Man Fleeing Cops, Jumps Fence into Prison
Police in Garfield Heights, Ohio went on a high speed chase Monday after a driver they tried to pull over for failing to signal bolted. But, the chase didn't last long.
The Wrestling Entrance of All Wrestling Entrances
Everyone knows wrestling is fake and extremely homoerotic. Orlando Jordan, who is the first and only openly bisexual, is pushing boundaries even further. For his new gimmick, he channelled his inner Gaga on Monday night's episode of TNA iMPACT, much to the amazement of wrestling fans.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Howard Stern to Jamie Foxx: 'Don't Start It With Me, I've Got a Sh-tload of Stuff on You'
It behooves us why anyone would want to go up against Howard Stern. That man will cut you off at the knees and feed you to the raccoons.
Jamie Foxx is taking a valiant stab at it. On his radio show last week, he called Howard and co-host Robin Quivers out for their remarks on Gabourey Sidibe.
Howard is not amused and issued a very stern warning to Jamie.
“I don’t really care about Jamie Foxx. Jamie says we’re friends but we’re not friends. I've had him on my show a couple of times. I don’t consider him a friend anymore. He seems to want to start in with me, wants to say that I’m irrelevant and he’s taking pokes and jabs at me and then says he loves me. I’m not feeling the love. The crew started in with me and I’m not some pussy who’s gonna sit here and take it and listen to some bullshit. And quite frankly, I’m mad now because, you know what, I got a shitload of stuff on Jamie Foxx, which isn’t a lot of fun and if he wants to start in with me…you know, even the name Jamie Foxx it’s interesting he chose the name Jamie. I could get into the whole fucking deal. And the thing is I don’t dislike the guy, he’s a very talented guy and I’m not going to take that away from him. He seems to be into some bizarre thing where he wants to start in with me so that he get some attention for his channel the Foxxhole, which is an interesting name too about the hole. I wonder which hole they’re referring to? How many holes are in Jamie? He's got an ass and a mouth and I don't know what he does with them....My guess is we're probably not on the same team. I think he's playing for a way different team. I don't know what team he's on but it ain't my team."
What does Howard know that he's not telling? We don't know, but for years there have been rumors about Jamie's sexual preference. Legendary!
Here's another part of Howard ad Robin discussing the feud.
Woman Wanted to Rob a Bank Before She Die, So She Did
What's on your bucket list? Climb Mount Everest? Travel to far-flung places? Rob a bank?!? The latter was the only item on 51-year-old Patricia Edwards' list. So last week the DeLand, Fla. resident robbed a bank, checking that off her list. But now she's in jail. What a donkey!
Jilted Teen Chopped Off His Penis, Threw It Away
We seen many stories of men mutilating themselves when their partners break up with them. Why they do it is still something we will never comprehend.
Anyway, a 19-year-old Indonesian man chopped off his penis then threw it down a well last week, AAP reports.
He was upset after his girlfriend became engaged to another man.
"He arrived at the hospital last Thursday in critical condition from blood loss," Cilacap General Hospital Director Sugeng Budi Susanto told local media.
Fortunately, the man survived, but he's now an eunuch because villagers were unable to retrieve his penis from the well.
Dr Sugeng says the man is recovering and is "too shocked and embarrassed to talk to or see anyone."
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Those Nude Photos You Took With Your iPhone Are Probably All Over the Internet
Thousands and thousands (addendum: millions!) of iPhone users' private photos have been made public after a lapse in security.
And it's all because of Quip, an app that allowed users to send pictures to each other. Quip stored the private images on a publicly accessible web server without any encryption, making them easy prey for savvy internet users.
For more than a year the photos -- nude images and images of people in various sex acts, screen captures of SMS messages, credit card information and a murder! -- were being accessed secretly, but it wasn't until this week that one hacker posted the code on Digg.com and everyone began to get in on the action.
The app's creator said, "As soon as this post came to our attention, we immediately shut down our servers. We have also now disabled all S3 access and have started to systematically secure all files in the system. We will not bring the system back up until we have adequate security around all files shared over Quip. I apologize to our users for this security breach and promise we will do everything in our power to make sure none of their information is exposed once we bring the service back up."
Then again, there was never any security and people should know better than to take risquè photos of themselves in compromising positions (or in the case of the murder, incriminating photos) then share them with other people.
Wanna see some of the NSFW photos? Go here and here. WTF?!? ) Go here for the photos with no nudity.
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Woman Claims NFLer Attacked Her in Nightclub
Over the past weeks, we've seen women filing all sorts of lawsuits against sports stars claiming all sorts of physical abuse. Many of the suits were thrown out of court. Here is another one, we suspect, may be thrown out as well.
Anshonae Mills, a 21-year-old University of Central Florida student is suing Pittsburgh Steelers receiver Santonio Holmes, saying he hit her in the face with a glass during an argument at an Orlando nightclub on March 7 and then offered to pay her so she wouldn't press charges. Anshonae was supposed to appear at a press conference yesterday, but she skipped it -- supposedly after new details emerged.
According to the Orlando Sentinel:
Mills and a group of friends were in the VIP section at Rain Nightclub on Kirkman Road around 2 a.m. when Holmes, a former Super Bowl MVP, attacked her. Mills was sitting on the arm of a couch in the VIP section while speaking with her friend, when Holmes approached her and told her to "get up." When she refused to move, Holmes started "yelling and waving his arms" in front of Mills. She grabbed his hand to prevent him from hitting her. Holmes yanked his hand away and the two began arguing. Other patrons at the club who saw the spat intervened to keep Holmes from grabbing Mills, the suit states. While the two were separated, Holmes threw his drink, glass cup included, at Mills' face. She was hit on the right side of her face and cut near her eye. Security officers at the club took Mills out of the club because she was injured. Once outside, Mills talked to Orlando police officers and requested that they arrest Holmes for attacking her. That's when Holmes told Mills that he "was an NFL football player and could not face criminal charges," and then "offered to give [Mills] money," the lawsuit states. Mills said she felt pressure from Holmes and Orlando police officers and gave a short, incoherent witness statement and said she did not intent to press charges.
But, the police report contradicts Anshonae's statement.
The report shows Holmes told police Mills had confronted him over a seat in the club's VIP. Holmes said Mills grabbed him by the wrist and called him a derogatory name. "A woman in the club then threw a glass striking Mills in the face," the officer said Holmes told him. "Holmes immediately denied ever touching Mills." However, police said Mills told them Holmes was responsible for tossing the glass in her face. The report also shows the two had a friendly conversation after the alleged confrontation. The officer "observed Mills smiling and rubbing Holmes[sic] face just moments after walking off together." When Mills returned, she told the officer they had resolved the matter. Mills attorney's denied that their client ever rubbed or touched Holmes' face after the incident. But police have a handwritten statement from Mills that shows she would not prosecute Holmes for his actions. "A drink was thrown in my face. I was hurt…bleeding but I refuse to prosecute the perpetrators for the incident," her statement to police shows. [The officer] wrote in the report that Mills' friends went back inside the club with the officer to identify the man who threw the glass in her face. They identified a man, who was escorted outside, but Mills told officers it was the wrong person. Mills' friends then went back inside with the officer and identified Holmes as the attacker.
According to reports, Santino offered to pay Anshonae because he was an NFL star and couldn't afford to get into trouble. She is seeking more than $15,000 in damages.
Santino was charged with abusing his child's mother in Ohio in 2006. The charges were later dropped. Those charges were later dropped. Anshonae, too, faced domestic violence charges. In 2008 she was jailed for pushing her boyfriend into a wall, but the charges were later dropped.
Update: Some people were telling Santino off on Twitter after the news of the attack broke. But, according to the folks over at Pro Football Talk, Santino told one Twitter user he "shud try finding the worst thing that you could drink n kill urself."
As you would expect, that Tweet has since been deleted.
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Joe Jackson Plans to Sue Dr Conrad Murray
Joe Jackson has long maintained that someone will pay for the death of his son Michael. Since he's barred from receiving any of Michael's money, he's going after Dr Conrad Murray, the man who has been charged with involuntary manslaughter after he injected a lethal dose of propofol which killed Michael last June.
Last weekend, the lawyer for Papa Joe mailed Dr Murray a notice indicating that he plans to file a wrongful death lawsuit against him in 90 days.
According to KTLA, the lawsuit accuses Dr Murray of causing Michael's death by delaying the call for an ambulance.
"The bottom line is, had paramedics gotten there earlier and had they been called right away, chances are he could have been revived," attorney Brian Oxman said. Record show Michael was "long gone, 20 to 40 minutes before the paramedics got there."
Last week, it was revealed that Dr Murray stopped CPR on Michael to hide evidence.
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NBA Baller Dorell Wright's Penis Makes Its Way Onto the Internet
Miami Heat forward Dorell Wright, heretofore referred to as Mr 5 Inches, is apologizing after his penis popped up and on Twitter.
In a statement issued by the team, Mr 5 Inches said:
"I'd like to apologize to my family, fans and the Heat organization for this embarrassment. The photos were taken roughly one year ago in what I thought was a private conversation. I lacked judgment and was naive about the internet. I realize this is not an excuse, but it is something I truly regret. I realize this affects my entire family and I am embarrassed by it."
The photo was leaked by a jilted lover.
While Mr 5 Inches is almost 7 feet tall, his "member" is the same size as 50% of men in America.
If you want to look at Dorell's penis, here it is.
Erykah Badu's New Video Has Everyone Fired Up
Erykah Badu's video for "Window Seat", her new single, is getting a lot of chatter. In the video, filmed in downtown Dallas, Erykah is seen walking down a busy street. As she walks, she loses a piece of clothing. By the time she arrives in front of the Texas School Book Depository, where President John F. Kennedy was assassinated in 1963, Erykah is nude and she's shot dead. She later said on Twitter it was all done in one take because she didn't have a permit to film. She said people yelled "this is a public place" and she should be "ashamed" and should put her clothes back on. The clothes, by the way, she left behind. So someone in Dallas has a nice Burberry trench and Erykah's drawers.
Update: Erykah is charged
Dallas police have charged the singer with disorderly conduct. It's a misdemeanor punishable by a fine of up to $500.
"Having a fact witness that was there is what let us file the charges," Sgt. Warren Mitchell said. "After much discussion, we feel that these charges best fit her conduct. She disrobed in a public place without regard to individuals and small children who were close by."
He also said people from across the country also called his office to complain.
Monday, March 29, 2010
FIGHT! Cheeseburger or Death
This man asked for a f--kin cheeseburger and he's gonna get it, one way or another.
Teenager Raped His Grandmother
Earlier this month, 19-year-old Arron Lee Moorer was found guilty of third degree criminal sexual conduct. This afternoon in Michicgan he was sentenced to up to 15 years in prison for raping his 48-year-old grandmother on several different occasions! The woman told the local Fox affiliate back in October, after taking prescription meds that made her groggy, she awoke to Arron pulling her pants down.
Ricky Martin is Gay and the Pope is Catholic
After years of living in a glass closet, Ricky Martin has flung the doors open and is confirming what everyone already knew: he's a "homosexual man."
On his Web site this morning, he wrote:
A few months ago I decided to write my memoirs, a project I knew was going to bring me closer to an amazing turning point in my life. From the moment I wrote the first phrase I was sure the book was the tool that was going to help me free myself from things I was carrying within me for a long time. Things that were too heavy for me to keep inside. Writing this account of my life, I got very close to my truth. And thisis something worth celebrating.Welcome out, Ricky. How You Doin'!
For many years, there has been only one place where I am in touch with my emotions fearlessly and that's the stage. Being on stage fills my soul in many ways, almost completely. It's my vice. The music, the lights and the roar of the audience are elements that make me feel capable of anything. This rush of adrenaline is incredibly addictive. I don't ever want to stop feeling these emotions. But it is serenity that brings me to where I'm at right now. An amazing emotional place of comprehension, reflection and enlightenment. At this moment I'm feeling the same freedom I usually feel only on stage, without a doubt, I need to share.
Many people told me: "Ricky it's not important", "it's not worth it", "all the years you've worked and everything you've built will collapse", "many people in the world are not ready to accept your truth, your reality, your nature". Because all this advice came from people who I love dearly, I decided to move on with my life not sharing with the world my entire truth. Allowing myself to be seduced by fear and insecurity became a self-fulfilling prophecy of sabotage. Today I take full responsibility for my decisions and my actions.
If someone asked me today, "Ricky, what are you afraid of?" I would answer "the blood that runs through the streets of countries at war...child slavery, terrorism...the cynicism of some people in positions of power, the misinterpretation of faith." But fear of my truth? Not at all! On the contrary, It fills me with strength and courage. This is just what I need especially now that I am the father of two beautiful boys that are so full of light and who with their outlook teach me new things every day. To keep living as I did up until today would be to indirectly diminish the glow that my kids where born with. Enough is enough. This has to change. This was not supposed to happen 5 or 10 years ago, it is supposed to happen now. Today is my day, this is my time, and this is my moment.
These years in silence and reflection made me stronger and reminded me that acceptance has to come from within and that this kind of truth gives me the power to conquer emotions I didn't even know existed.
What will happen from now on? It doesn't matter. I can only focus on what's happening to me in this moment. The word "happiness" takes on a new meaning for me as of today. It has been a very intense process. Every word that I write in this letter is born out of love, acceptance, detachment and real contentment. Writing this is a solid step towards my inner peace and vital part of my evolution.
I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am.
RM
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Caller: Too Many Black People Calling in to C-SPAN
Well, folks. If you thought for a moment that racism, prejudice and downright ignorance were on the decline in America, this man just proved you wrong. To let the donkey tell it, C-SPAN stands for Caucasian-SPAN.
Vegetarian Goes on Meat Massacre at Grocery Store Because God Told Him To
A vegetarian destroyed $200 worth of meat at an Edinburh, Ind. grocery store last week because he said God told him to. Anthony Coffman, 28, used a hunting knife to cut through meat packages, throwing open containers of raw beef on the floor and to make sure they weren't sold, he poured dog food over the meat. Aside from acting on God's advice, Anthony told police he went on the meat massacre in the hopes of saving girls from getting fat. He is now facing charges of criminal recklessness with a deadly weapon, criminal mischief and disorderly conduct. While he awaits those charges, Anthony is undergoing a mental evaluation to determine his level of crazy.
The Demons Are Next Door
We don't know where this is, or what exactly is going on behind that closed door, but the weird noises lend neighbors to believe it's some sort of exorcism. BTW: Ahora means now.
The morning after the ruckus, neighbors posted this note to the door.
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Lawmaker: Stop Looking Like a Fool With Your Pants on the Ground
New York State Senator Eric Adams is sick and tired of the “insidious spectacle” that is men with their pants falling off their asses that he's spent more than $200,000 to erect six billboard across Brooklyn to spread his message: Stop looking like a fool with your pants on the ground!
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Man Leaves Baby in Hot Car at Porn Shop
Rafael Garcia was charged with child abuse and neglect on Saturday after leaving his 9-month-old daughter alone in a hot car for more than an hour while he shopped in an adult bookstore, WPBF reports.
The West Palm Beach man told police that he lost track of time while searching for a "sexy outfit" in the store.
The child had a 104-degree fever; she's expected to survive.
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Mindy McCready Says Oprah is Racist
Mindy McCready who has a lot of problems and now appears on Celebrity Rehab is releasing a sex tape. But, this piece of work, which features her ex-boyfriend, is like a documentary -- if you will. Along with the hardcore moments, there will segments of Mindy outing all the famous men she had sex with. For instance, she had sex with former baseball great Roger Clemens, who was married at the time. She says he could hardly get "it" up, but when he did, he was good in the sack. Actor Dean Cain, who played "Superman", she says was bigger and better, if you know what we mean -- and we think you do.
Then, Oprah's name comes up. She says Oprah is a racist because she told her she "should have been strong enough to escape an abusive relationship because she is white, and she believes Oprah wasn’t really informed about the ins and outs of domestic violence."
What?!
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Study: Fast Food as Addictive as Drugs
Researchers have found that fatty foods are as addictive as heroin and nicotine.
The Daily Mail reports:
Experts studied rats fed on cheesecake, bacon and sausages. Soon after the experiments began the animals began to bulk up and show signs of addiction. "It presents the most thorough and compelling evidence that drug addiction and obesity are based on the same underlying neurobiological mechanisms," Professor Paul Kenny said. "In the study, the animals completely lost control over their eating behavior and continued to over-eat even when they anticipated receiving electric shocks, highlighting just how motivated they were to consume the palatable food." During the trial the animals were rewarded with a pleasurable electrical stimulation. The rats could control how much of the stimulation they got by running on a wheel. Animals living on junk food ran far more - suggesting they needed more brain stimulation to feel good, the researchers found. The scientists at the Scripps Research Institute in Jupiter, Florida, also gave rats electric shocks on their feet when they ate high-fat food. Rats on a normal diet quickly learned to avoid the unhealthy food. But those used to junk food refused to let the shock get in their way of their high calorie food. "They always went for the worst types of food," said Professor Kenny, who published his findings in the journal Nature Neuroscience. "When we removed the junk food and tried to put them on a nutritious diet they simply refused to eat." The researchers found junk food altered the chemical balance in the brain's 'reward circuits' - the parts of the brain that handle the feel-good chemical dopamine. Identical changes happen in the brains of rats given cocaine or heroin and are thought to play a key role in drug addiction.
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Friday, March 26, 2010
This McDonald's Happy Meal is One Year Old
With all the recent talk about health care reform and Barack and Michelle Obama's initiative to curb childhood obesity, you may be disgusted to know that the above photo is of a one-year-old McDonald's Happy Meal. One years old!
Nonna Joann Bruso, who left the meal on a shelf (not in a freezer or refrigerator) for a year, wrote:
It smelled delicious for a few days. I’d get a whiff of those yummy French fries every time I walked into my office. After a week or so, you could hardly smell it. My husband worried that when the food began to decompose, there would be a terrible odor in our home. He also worried the food would attract ants and mice. He questioned my sanity. NOPE, no worries at all. My Happy Meal is one year old today and it looks pretty good. It NEVER smelled bad. The food did NOT decompose. It did NOT get moldy, at all.
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FIGHT! Battle Royale, The Old Way
These queens tussling in a Chicago public aid office (read: medical facility for those on Medicaid) need to take a page out of the RuPaul Drag Race reading manual -- throw shade, not fists! The winner's victory walk is pretty fierce, though. Werk!
Court is in Session ... Again
We can't get enough of the Marion County court for petty criminals and crackheads.
Previously: WATCH: Court is in Session.
Woman Jailed for Lying on Rèsumè
A British woman was sentenced to six months in jail after it was found that she lied on her rèsumè. She apparently claimed she passed two A-levels (think: SAT IIs here in the States).
The Daily Mail reports:
Rhiannon Mackay, 29, wrongly claimed to have two A-levels when she applied for a £23,000-a year-role as a 'capital projects administrator'. Ms McKay submitted a resume claiming she had two grade Bs for the job which required all applicants to have at least two A-levels. Ms Mackay, who was unemployed, was then shortlisted and asked to provide a reference from her previous employer, the Royal Navy. She then forged the letter of recommendation and signed it using the name of her boyfriend, a chief petty officer. She beat several other candidates in a lengthy interview process and was awarded the job, which she held for over a year. But suspicions were raised about her performance and she admitted lying on her CV when challenged by her bosses. Ms Mackay, of Plymouth, Devon, also used the CV to apply for 11 other jobs, Plymouth Magistrates Court heard. She admitted fraud by making a false representation about the A-levels in May 2008 and asked for 11 similar offences to be taken into consideration. Ms Mackay had previously worked as a sonar operator in the Royal Navy but left in 2006. She also forged a Naval Discharge Certificate when offered the NHS job. She later forged a reference from her boyfriend, now her husband, without his knowledge. Ms Mackay also pleaded guilty to offences of making a false instrument, the reference and discharge certificate, and was jailed for 24 weeks....Jodie Baker, defending, said Ms Mackay was suffering from post traumatic stress disorder and severe depression. She added: 'After leaving the Navy she had applied for several jobs but been unsuccessful. 'She started to embellish her CV with two A-levels. She had no idea this misrepresentation could land her in jail.'
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Wendy Apologizes for 'No Homo' Comment
Earlier this week during a conversation about Dancing With the Stars, apparently (we hardly ever watch; we preferred the radio show) Wendy said, "No homo, but I thought Pam Anderson looked great.”
That statement infuriated long-time LGBT activist Tony Haze, who fired off an e-mail to the show's producers. And, to his surprise, they called him back.
Tony told the Advocate: "[Executive producer, Rob Dauber] said [Wendy's] very pro-gay and that she’s better for the incident happening because she’ll be more aware of what she’s saying. Rob was really, really nice. He took a lot of time to explain, and it didn’t seem like he was rationalizing; he was just explaining that it’s still kind of a new thing for her.”
Moving forward, Rod said Wendy plans to "do better."
This comes on the heels of several missteps in the past with the gay community. Most notably, the show's mistreatment of a drag queen in the audience.
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Thursday, March 25, 2010
Man Begged Cops to Arrest Him Because He Has 'Woman Problems'
A Carlisle, Pennsylvania man was hellbent on getting away from his girlfriend, so he told cops to take him to jail.
At about 2am yesterday, Timothy Serrano, 34, flagged down an officer a few yards from the local police station and asked to be arrested. Just in case that didn't worked, he was drunk and carrying a half empty bottle of brandy. And if that failed, he admitted to outstanding warrants.
The officer told WHPTV, "He actually said that he should be arrested for something because he couldn't deal with his woman anymore."
Finally he was booked and charged with public drunkeness, but was released a few hours later after he sobered up.
As bizarre as that seemed, perhaps cops saved him from committing a crime that night.
That wasn't the case for the man below. (Sidebar: He's not to be effed with.)
Gerald Lancaster, an 84-year-old World War II veteran, held Houston SWAT officers at bay for almost six hours this morning after he fired a shot at his wife after an argument. Officers tried to flush him out using tear gas, but that had no effect on Gerald, who later told reporters he had enough guns to "take down the whole fucking army if I wanted to." He was arrested peacefully after cops broke through a door and found him chillin'.
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3-year-old Boy Caught on Tape Smoking Weed
When police went to arrest a Middletown, Conn. couple for dealing drugs, they came across a video of their 3-year-old son smoking weed from a bong. The parents, Kristian Augeri, 23, and Thomas Way, 22, were charged with risk of injury, possession of a stolen firearm, failure to properly store a firearm and use of drug paraphernalia. The aunt told WTNH, "He wasn't smoking anything. The police are misinformed." Really? Misinformed? It's on tape!
Report: Jesse James is a Racist, Homophobe, With Almost a Dozen Jumpoffs
We can all agree: Sandra Bullock's marriage to Jesse James is over. Kaput! Done!
After reports surfaced last week that he has been jumping off with Michelle Bombshell McGee (whom, Jesse allegedly told he was going to leave Sandra for), three others have come forward to say, they had sex with Jesse, too.
But expect many more revelations. The National Enquirer says there are at least 11 jumpoffs.
"Jesse's a monster. He's always been the baddest of boys who's had sexual encounters with random women -- and it didn't stop after he married married," a source told the tabloid.
In fact, according to the source, Jesse had sex with women in his office while Sandra was visiting him at the garage. He also has a spot across from the garage where he has sex with women.
"Jesse's M.O. is quickie sex," the source added. "[He] was also into rough sex. One woman said he'd grab her by the neck, put her up against the wall, and tell her how hot she was."
But apparently, he also sexually harassed employees. Deann McClung sued him in 2000 after she claimed Jesse "forced" her to give him a professional -- then locked her in his office! A few months later she was fired and the suit was settled for an undisclosed amount.
Deann says, Jesse is a "brutal, terrible person with no heart, no conscience."
He's also racist, according to the report.
"I think Jesse hates gays, Jews, blacks and Hispanics," the source said. "He used racist and homosexual slurs."
This is in addition to all the Nazi memorabilia and swastika he allegedly has lying around his office and home he shared with Sandra. The Enquirer says there's a photo of him giving a "Heil Hitler" salute.
And! An El Salvadorian paparazzo said Jesse once called him a "dirty Mexican."
We don't expect Sandra to stick around and work on this marriage, like Elin did. After the whole Tiger Woods scandal broke -- BTW, Jesse, Tiger thanks you -- with reports of Elin smashing Tiger's head in with a golf club, Sandra told The Insider, "I would have kept hitting! [Elin] was respectable. I'd get the baseball bat, I'd get everything out."
Source: National Enquirer, April 5, print edition
50 Cent Wants to Have Unprotected Sex With Beyoncè, Lady Gaga, Rihanna
While on a recent visit across the pond, 50 Cent gave an interview to MTV UK in which he was talking real crazy.
“I would kiss Beyonce, Lady Gaga and Rihanna. I would marry Beyonce, Lady Gaga and Rihanna in Africa, I’d have 3 wives! And I would avoid wearing condoms and have really big families!” he said.
When British media quote Americans it never really sounds authentic. For instance, we can't imagine 50 ever phrasing that sentence that way. But, hey, we have no reason to believe the rapper didn't say these things.
50 also addressed the supposed double-standards in the music industry.
“I think it’s hot [the 'Telephone' video]. But there’s a shot in the video in the diner that’s just breasts. And it looks great, but if I shot the same shot in my music video, they would make me edit that immediately....Even if I had someone who was recognisable female talent that was part of the project, they wouldn’t allow that to go. They would think it was you taking advantage of a girl for marketing purposes or whatever.....It’s their personal perception of your intentions of how you utilise it. Like ‘it’s Britney bitch’ nobody has a problem with that. But if I say ‘it’s Fifty bitch’ everyone’s like oh my god! You got to edit that.”
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Jamaica is The New Nigeria
A group of thieves operating a scam out of Jamaica has been trying to rip off folks in Colorado. One 88-year-old woman was told she won a $2.5 million sweepstakes, even though she never entered one and by law it's illegal to participate in lotteries overseas (unless you were in that country at the time and bought a ticket). But, the scammers wanted the grandmother to wire them $555 first, then they'll send her the $2.5million check. She didn't.
But, now the scammers are getting dangerous. They're threatening to kill people and their families if they don't send them money!
According to KKTV, another man was told he won millions, but when he wouldn't wire the men in Jamaica (who were pretending to FBI agents) cash, they told him: "You have the next fucking 24 hours to have the fucking money sent okay? Don't fuck with me!"
What?!
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KC and the Sunshine Band Founder Arrested, Admitted He Had Sex With Boys
Richard R. Finch, the 56-year-old co-founder of KC and the Sunshine Band, was arrested on Tuesday and charged with gross sexual imposition after a 17-year-old boy told Newark, Ohio police he was sexually assaulted by Richard.
The teenager said he met Richard through "contacts" in the music industry and was sexually assaulted several times over a couple of months.
Cops say during interrogation, Richard admitted to having sex with the teenager and several other boys between the ages of 13 and 17 years old.
The report infers that these boys supposedly went to Richard hoping to break into the music industry and he then raped then. (Sidebar: From what we hear, this is not uncommon. Almost everyone takes kneepads to auditions in the hopes they will get signed. Well, according to legend.)
Richard is currently being held on $250,000 bond and cops are not disclosing any evidence. He will also face additional charges including sexual imposition, gross sexual imposition, importuning and unlawful sexual conduct with a minor.
Richard's Web site says, “We will let due process happen through the legal system and through that, we are sure Mr. Finch will be vindicated from these unfounded allegations.”
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Wednesday, March 24, 2010
WATCH: Golden Shower Girls
Where has this been all of our lives? If you love the Golden Girls (and we know you do), you will love the the post-op tranny version, Golden Shower Girls. If you're at work, you may not want to watch this while the boss is around. Better yet, wait until you get home, because you will need room to roll on the floor before you literally die from laughter. Better still, watch it in your doctor's office or emergency room, so you'll have immediate access to care.
There's another episode after the jump.
Stephen Baldwin: President Obama is a 'Gangster,' 'Liar'
Actor Stephen Baldwin appeared on Larry King Live last night to talk about the health care reform law President Obama signed into law earlier in the morning and the actor was not pleased, which is not all that surprising. But when Larry asked him about vice president dropping the f-bomb, Stephen took that opportunity to call the president a "gangster" and a "liar." Perhaps Stephen should finally move to Canada as he promised to do in 2008 if Barack became president.
You can read what he said, after the jump.
Stephen: Well, you know, Larry, the Bible says "out of the mouth comes the things that are within our heart." So I'm not surprised that the vice president's a potty mouth. And quite frankly, I think it's official today, Barack Obama is the greatest gangster to ever come out of Chicago. I just think it's amazing.
Larry: Did you agree on the potty mouth thing when Vice President Cheney also used similar expression a while back?
Stephen: Sure, Larry, yeah. He is a potty mouth too. Yeah, he is a potty mouth too. But you know what's funny? I think it's interesting. I'll say what Mr. Romney wasn't willing to say. And that's that Mr. Obama's a liar. He is purely a liar. He's gone and done something, Larry, where half of the country didn't agree with it. So if you say when you're running you're going to do one thing --
Larry: Stephen, to be fair.
Stephen: Go ahead.
Larry: Many didn't agree because they thought it didn't go far enough. So it wasn't just the anti-against it on the right.
Stephen: But when you don't -- when you don't get one Republican vote? That's not -- remember I was on your show last time, Larry. We said is the government broken? The government is broken. This is clearly a definition of that. How can a broken government fix a broken health care system, Larry?
LISTEN: Woman Calls 911 From Jail To Say She's Trapped
Carly A. Houston, 29, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct at 1:40am Sunday after she became belligerent and refused to pay a $6.60 cab fare.
When she got to jail, however, instead of calling a bail bondsman, Carly called 911 to say she was "trapped inside the Naperville (Illinois) police detention facility." For that, she gained another charge: making a false 911 report.
What Had Happened Was: The picked Carly up in downtown Houston and she asked to taken to a street, but not to a specific address. When the driver asked for a specific destination, he said Carly "yelled, screamed, cursed and extended (both) middle fingers [at him] and threatened bodily harm" toward him. Fed up with her ish, he pulled over at a gas station and asked her to pay the $6.60 and get the eff out of his cab, but Carly wasn't having it. She continued to cuss him out until cops arrived and hauled her off that facility where she later told 911 she was trapped.
Despite the added charges, she made bail is due in court on April 20.
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FIGHT! Woman Beats Down Reporter
To be clear, we haven't a clue what's being said, but we believe the woman was being stopped after getting a ticket for driving without a license then the pushy reporter stuck her mic in the woman's face and that's what led to the beat down.
George W Bush's Clean Getaway
Former presidents George W Bush and Bill Clinton were visiting Haiti on Monday, but then something peculiar happened after a local shook President Bush's hand. President Clinton appeared to noticed what happened, but didn't act.
Crackheads Are Outta Control! (Part 7 )
Police in Saginaw, Mich. 45-year-old Angela Blackwell with first-degree criminal sexual conduct and pandering after she made her 10-year-old granddaughter have sex with 67-year-old Johnnie Lee Griffin in exchange for cocaine.
This sexual assaulted went on for four months, beginning last September.
Johnnie is wanted for sexually assaulting two 10-year-old girls, and they fear there could be more victims. After police were investigation the allegations that he raped a 10-year-old in his truck on March 6, that's when they learned that Angela was prostituting her granddaughter.
Update: The predator was captured.
Johnnie was on March 20 in Flint, Mich. and charged with first- and second-degree criminal sexual conduct with a person under 13. If convicted, he will spend the rest of his life in prison.
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With The Stroke of 22 Pens
...President Barack changed the health care laws in the country yesterday and in the process and pissed of Republicians, conservatives, tea partyers and racists the land over. On the other hand, the majority of Americans -- mostly those struggling and had no previous access to affordable health insurance or were denied access to insurance because they have a preexisting meedical condition or is a woman, are overjoyed.
Here's the video:
Flying Baby Stops Repo Man in His Tracks
A Dallas, Texas woman loves her Ford Expedition. Her 1-year-old baby, not so much.
Luke Ross, a local repo man, was backing out of a driveway with the truck when the owner, 28-year-old Krystal Gardner, tossed her 1-year-old child through an open window into the back seat of the moving vehicle. Luke told KTVT, "I [looked] out of the corner of my eye and I see a baby fly through the window." He said the boy landed hard and immediately began to cry.
Texas state law prevents vehicles from being repossessed if someone is inside.
But the madness didn't end there.
Police said a 15-year-old boy armed with a 12-gauge shotgun came out of the house and fired one round into the air and another at Luke, striking him in the leg.
When cops arrived, Krystal and the 15-year-old shooter were arrested and charged with aggravated assault. Krystal was also charged with child endangerment and cited for several outstanding traffic tickets.
Luke, who suffered minor injuries, was able to repossess the truck.
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Where to Find the Largest Penises in America? New Orleans!
Condomania, a Web site that sells - duh! - condoms, has studied condom buying trends for men in all 50 US states and 20 cities to determine and have determined which one region has men the largest penises -- and the smallest. The winning state is New Hampshire. The winning city is New Orleans. The losers: Wyoming was the state with the smallest penises; Dallas/Ft. Worth was the city with the smallest penises.
So, how do they come to this determination anyway? They "have sold custom-fit condoms to over 27,000 men in 70 countries, and now have analyzed this incredible cache of data." See, very scientific.
While the study didn't list specific penis sizes for the states or cities in their database, they did say "25% of men is under 5" in length, 50% are between 5" and 6" in length and 25% are longer than 6" in length. They say the smallest penis is under 3" and the largest is more than 10" in length.
Here's how your state matched up:
50 States Ordered by Penis Size
1. New Hampshire
2. Oregon
3. New York
4. Indiana
5. Arizona
6. Hawaii
7. Louisiana
8. Massachusetts
9. Alabama
10. Washington
11. New Mexico
12. California
13. Arkansas
14. Nevada
15. Virginia
16. Tennessee
17. Illinois
18. Oklahoma
19. South Dakota
20. Georgia
21. Pennsylvania
22. Mississippi
23. Michigan
24. Florida
25. Rhode Island
26. Kansas
27. Maryland
28. Minnesota
29. Vermont
30. Connecticut
31. Wisconsin
32. New Jersey
33. North Dakota
34. Idaho
35. Texas
36. Missouri
37. Montana
38. Ohio
39. Nebraska
40. Colorado
41. Maine
42. North Carolina
43. Delaware
44. South Carolina
45. Kentucky
46. West Virginia
47. Alaska
48. Iowa
49. Utah
50. Wyoming
And cities:
20 Cities Ordered by Penis Size
1. New Orleans
2. Washington DC
3. San Diego
4. New York City
5. Phoenix
6. Portland
7. Atlanta
8. San Francisco
9. Chicago
10. St. Louis
11. Seattle
12. Miami
13. Indianapolis
14. Columbus
15. Boston
16. Denver
17. Los Angeles
18. Detroit
19. Philadelphia
20. Dallas/Ft. Worth
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Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Another of Tiger Woods' Jumpoffs Come Forward
Devon James, a 29-year-old porn star, revealed this morning on Bubba The Love Sponge radio show that she had a two-and-half-year relationship with Tiger Woods.
This brings the number of skanks, slags and skettels to roughly 103. Or somewhere near there.
Devon claims she first met Tiger when he hired her and another whore for a threesome in 2006. He paid both girls $2,000 each and did little talking. All he said was "Hi, I'm Tiger. Nice to meet you" before showing her his, ahem, johnson and devouring her about the room. After the threesome, she said Tiger asked her for her personal telephone number and they continued to have regular hook-ups until 2008.
Devon says she has telephone records and text messages, similar to one he sent this other hooker, that would prove that she and Tiger were having an affair.
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Spoiled Brat Sues ABC for $100M
When Alicia Guastaferro was 16, she appeared on the ABC reality show "Wife Swap." Now, that she's grown up (she's 18 and still a spoiled brat) she's suing the network for $100 million because she says after the show aired she was victimized by her classmates and was subjected to "incessant verbal and physical assaults."
Alicia was a teen beauty queen at the time who claimed her parents gave her a "christmas present" every morning, did her homework for her, and never asked her to do any chores around the home, presented herself as the epitome of the modern American spoiled brat, claiming she was "the most popular girl in school."
Perhaps she needs some money to help her parents who are charged with laundering $1.2 million for a Canadian telemarketing scheme and tax evasion after the FBI and IRS raided their home.
Alicia, look down!
BTW: You can watch the entire episode below. (Part one is above.)
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Doctor Stabs Eight Kids to Death
A former doctor armed with a large knife stabbed eight elementary school children to death and and wounding five others in China this morning.
The Telegraph reports:
The man, who reportedly had a history of mental health problems, used a large knife in the killings after 7am local time on Tuesday at the school in Fuzhou, in eastern China's Fujian province, an official said.
Eight children from Nanping City Experimental Elementary School were killed, and five were being treated at a hospital, it was claimed.
Six of the children died at the scene and two more succumbed to their injuries in hospital.
The Chinese state news agency Xinhua quoted an official from the Nanping city government office claiming the man was a former community clinic doctor.
The official, who would only give his name as Wu, said the attacker was 41 or 42 and had resigned from his post at the community clinic but when that took place was not clear.
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Boy Has With 15 Fingers, 16 Toes
Surgeons at a hospital in China plan to operate on a 6-year-old boy who was born with 15 fingers and 16 toes which, they say, were caused by a gene mutation.
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Elderly Man With a Big Stick Beat Downs Wife
Sam Taormina, a 92-year-old man from Mesa, Ariz., was arrested and charged with assault after putting a Chris Brown-style beat down on his wife last Saturday night.
AZ Central reports:
Taormina's wife, whose age was unavailable, told police that she and her husband got in an argument and that he punched her in the face several times. When she fell on the ground, Taormina began to choke her, she said. She also told police that he bit her lower lip, kicked her and hit her with a cane. She had several abrasions on her face and neck, along with a swollen lip and bloody left hand. Taormina admitted to police that he punched, choked, and struck his wife with a cane, police said. He denied biting or kicking her. After Taormina was booked on assault charges, Mesa Police received a 911 hang-up call from Taormina's residence. When police arrived, Taormina's wife complained of chest pains, police said. She was transported to a local hospital where X-Rays revealed her to have a fractured rib.Old man Taormina needs some community service or some time in the clink.
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When Judges Keep it Really Real
A NYC police officer pleaded guilty in federal court this morning on charges that he used his credit card, his drivers license to rent a van and even his own gun and NYPD-issue badge to rob $1 million worth of perfume from a New Jersey warehouse last month, according to The Star-Ledger.
Brian Checo, 25, was arrested March 4 by the FBI and charged with two other officers in the Feb. 9 heist when they burst into the warehouse brandishing guns and shouting "NYPD! Hands up!" They tied up 11 warehouse workers and claimed to be performing a routine "inspection."
But the judge let Brian, who is a graduate of John Jay College of Criminal Justice in NYC, HAVE IT this morning and boy do we envy not being there to witness it.
“Did you really think you could get away with this?” Federal District Judge William H. Walls asked the officer. “Did you really think you could use your own ID to rent the truck?”We want to see this video now!
...
“Quite ironic, isn’t it?” the judge asked. “What type of work have you done?”
The officer looked at down and began to cry.
“I worked … NYPD,” said Checo, who lives on Manhattan’s Lower East Side.
“Did you watch some stupid TV show thinking you could do this?” Walls asked.
“No sir,” Checo said.
“And you spent two years at John Jay?” the judge asked.
“Yes sir,” the officer said.
“You didn’t do well there did you?” Walls said.
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Teacher Told Students Punch Another in Face
A teacher has been fired from a Houston private school for telling students to punch a 5-year-old classmate during a field trip last week. Granted, what the teacher did was out of line and she should be punished, but some say that that lil terror had it coming and why is the mom not taking responsible for her son's actions and why is he still allowed at the daycare center after repeatedly beating up other kids? Just saying.
German Girl Gives Both Parents The Bird
A German magazine created this billboard to promote its education supplement, which answers 55 of the most burning questions about education in that country. So, they hired this kid to parlay the message. Depending on which translation we use, the headline either says "What now, dear parents?” or "What now, my parents." Either way, this smiling girl is telling someone (make that two) to suck it! Unless that gesture means something else to Germans.
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Man Gets 15 Years in Prison For Trying to Break into .... Jail
Yesterday a Florida judge found 25-year-old Sylvester Jiles guilty of violating his probation by trying to break into the Brevard County jail and sentenced him to 15 years in prison.
Last August, Sylvester seriously injured himself after he climbed a fence and fell through barbed wire while attempting to get back into the Brevard County Detention Center because he said threats were made against his life. A week prior, he was released for the facility after accepting a plea deal on a manslaughter charge. He told police he wanted to go back to jail because the family members of the person he killed wanted his head on a stake (read: dead). Jailers told Sylvester they couldn't take him in and to file a police report and that's when he sprinted to the jail perimeter fence, jumped between the barbed wire, ran to the next fence, climbed it and fell through three levels of razor wire.
Fifteen years sounds like an awaful lot, since no one gets that much time trying to break out of jail or for committing manslaughter. But at least he got his wish -- at least for 15 years or how ever long they choose to keep him there before he's released. Then the cycle repeats itself.
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Game of Russian Roulette in Russia Goes неверный
A man at a wedding in Russia suffered brain damage is paralysed after he shot himself in the head while playing a game of Russian Roulette. Here's a brief translation: After he tries it, the first man says "Here - who wants to do it?" the a voice is overhead saying "Russian Roulette, yes?" Then the injured man grabs the gun and his fate was sealed. The man who brought the weapon to the wedding was arrested.
Sidebar: Russian weddings crazy!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Fantasia Has 9 Million More Reasons to Be Worried
A North Carolina court ruled last week that 49-year-old Anne Lundquist of Aurora, NY must pay the wife of the man she was jumping off with a cool $9 million.
Cynthia Shackelford (pictured) filed the suit against Anne in 2007 for alienation of affection, criminal conversation and intentionally or recklessly causing severe emotional distress, according to the News & Record.
Cynthia, 60, said Anne's affair with her husband, Allan, with whom she now lives in NY, ruined their marriage. Furthermore, since a judge ordered Allan to pay Cynthia $5,000 a month in alimony back in 2005, he hasn't paid her one penny.
The newspaper reports that 200 such cases are brought every year in North Carolina, which is one of the few states where the spouse of the person who cheats can sue the jumpoff.
Not long ago, we told you about Fantasia's jumpoff's wife is considering filing a similar suit.
Update: Anne plans to appeal. Plus, she doesn't have $9 million to pay Cynthia. But we hardly believe the case is about money. It's about revenge!
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Tiger Wood's a Stand-up Guy
Last night Tiger Woods gave two 5-minute interviews to the Golf Channel and ESPN in which he stood just in case he had to make a quick get-away if he didn't like some questions. Most of ESPN's questions, he ran around or evaded, telling the reporter “It’s all in the police report." Yes, this police report.
What's That Smell? This Giant Pile of Sh*t Left at Chase!
We don't know who, but someone left a giant pile of sh*t (manure maybe?) in the vestibule of a Chase bank in the East Village neighborhood of NYC last weekend.
We hear the culprits were protesters protesting something. Mining. Maybe?
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Breaking in the Recruits
New marines at PMI college in the Philippines get the crap beat out of them.