WATCH: Woman Tries to Commit Suicide By Lying on Subway Tracks

This woman got into a blow-up with her girlfriend inside a Harlem, NY subway station earlier this month. Every the attention-whore, she jumped onto the subway track and told everyone she's gonna remain there until a train runs over her. Eventually, a woman doused her with beer and encouraged her to get her ass up and out of the way of the oncoming train -- because, really, no one wants to be delayed in the sweltering heat while MTA employees clean up her guts from the tracks. Cops soon arrived and arrested the tantrum-thrower. And by the way, How You Doin.

WATCH: Christian Girl Talks Gunman Out of Robbing Her

Facing eviction, 37-year-old Israel Camacho walked into a Pompano Beach cellphone store last Friday with every intention to rob it. His face was partially concealed. he was wearing a heavy winter coat (with a hood) in the middle of July! He had a gun. The person behind the counter was a young girl. So what could go wrong? Well, that girl -- 20-year-old Nayara Goncalves -- was able to convince Israel not to rob her by preaching to him about Jesus. (Two hours later he held up a Payless shoe store.) Earlier this week, Israel was arrested.

Here's a photo of Nayara clutching her Bible.

Al Gore Cleared in Sex Assault Case

Former Vice President Al Gore has been cleared of any criminal wrongdoing in the case of an alleged sexual assault of a massage therapist in Portland, Ore. in 2006.

Molly Hagerty claimed that Al sexually assaulted her and tried to get her drunk in a hotel room, but during an interview with police last Thursday, the former VP denied any wrongdoing. In fact, he told police Molly "had a pleasant demeanor and was talkative." He also told police the allegations were "causing pain for him and his family and stated he was 'completely baffled' by Ms. Hagerty’s statements."

This afternoon Portland investigators concluded Molly's report is "not appropriate for criminal prosection" and "the matter is closed."

Since Molly came forward, two other massuesses alleged that Al also sexually assaulted them.

BTW: Remember that pair of pants Molly saved as evidence because it might have contained Al's DNA (and by DNA, we mean semen). Forensic tests came back negative.



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Inmate Sues Man He's Convicted of Robbing

All this while you were under the impression that you've heard it all. You're were so wrong.

A convict is suing the man he robbed, alleging he and two others roughed him up during a citizen's arrest. Michael Dupree is serving a 12-year sentence for burglary and cocaine possession stemming from his 2007 break-in of a van in St. Petersburg. Dupree stole a bicycle locked inside and was apprehended after the owner, Anthony McKoy, saw him with the bike down the street. Dupree alleges McKoy and two other men pointed a gun at him, handcuffed him and placed a knee painfully in his back. He's seeking $500,000 for disabilities and distress suffered during the takedown. Dupree filed the civil lawsuit on his own, without the help of an attorney. After being served with the suit, McKoy said, "I thought it was a joke. I'm the victim."

Now you've heard it all.

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A Donkey Gonna Do What a Donkey Gonna Do

“I view making this movie as an important first step in my career. I’ve watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape by Vivid. I’m hoping the same magic will work for me. I’m impatient about getting well-known and having more opportunities and this seemed like a great way to get started on it.” -- Laurence Fishburne's 19-year-old daughter Montana on why she's decided to star in a hardcore porno.

We're not sure what her relationship is with her father at the moment, but we're sure he has enough Hollywood cachè to pick up the phone and call in favors to producers who will give Montana an acting job on TV or in film. Or, she could just bring kneepads to casting calls (like many people do in Hollywood) and finagle a role that way. Frankly, her blatant famewhoring is pissing us off to the umpteenth degree that we're not even gonna mention the name of the film or when it's being released. And the really sad part is, in a year or so, she'll have her own reality TV show and her face will be plastered on every magazine cover. Sad.

Hee-haw, Montana! That's the donkey call!

'They Rapin’ E’erybody Out Here'

At about 3am yesterday morning in Huntsville, Ala., Antoine Dodson heard the horrifying screams of his sister, who awoke to find Antoine's boyfriend a stranger in her bed. Antoine sprung into action and began kung fu fighiting with the man, who ultimately fled through a window. But when the local news caught up with Antoine afterwards, hilarity ensued.

Ehaow!

Ellen DeGeneres Leaves American Idol

After one season on the judging panel at "American Idol", Ellen DeGeneres is calling it quits.

The Associated Press reports:

A person close to the show says DeGeneres won't return for the 10th season, which gives "American Idol" two vacancies on its judging panel. Fox has yet to announce a replacement for Simon Cowell, who left at the end of last season to start a new talent show for the network.The person, who lacked authority to comment publicly on DeGeneres, spoke on condition of anonymity. With "American Idol" facing ratings erosion, the comedian-talk show host's exit gives Fox the chance to make a fresh start with a revamped judging panel. The show returns in January.

Shocking? Not one bit!

Sidebar: It was reported earlier this week that Kara DioGuardi may not return next season.

Update: Ellen issued this statement: "A couple months ago, I let Fox and the 'American Idol' producers know that this didn't feel like the right fit for me. I told them I wouldn't leave them in a bind and that I would hold off on doing anything until they were able to figure out where they wanted to take the panel next. It was a difficult decision to make, but my work schedule became more than I bargained for. I also realized this season that while I love discovering, supporting and nurturing young talent, it was hard for me to judge people and sometimes hurt their feelings. I loved the experience working on 'Idol' and I am very grateful for the year I had. I am a huge fan of the show and will continue to be."



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Baby Killed By Mother's Breastmilk

Police in Fayette County, Ga. charged 25-year-old Kaisha Poulson with murdering her 2-month-old son, Jack, who died last March after a "massive methamphetamine poisoning." Kaisha is an awful mother. While abusing meth, she was also breastfeeding Jake. But wait! There's more! Kaisha was also charged with showing a 14-year-old relative how to abuse the drug, oxycodone.

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WATCH: Super-sized Mac Attack

When it's feeding time, don't cross a hungry bitch and her cheeseburger 'cause she will cuss you and your child out for no apparent reason.

(We don't even know her, and we're embarrassed for her.)

WATCH: The Cruelest Prank Ever

Several miles above ground, this "pilot" is bored and decides to pull a prank which leaves his passenger screaming like a girl, shitting his pants and on the verge of a heart attack. Not cool.

Disabled Man Eaten to Death by Maggots

Not unlike this horrific case of neglect in Florida, an Austria man, identified only as Peter G., was eaten to death by maggots in his bed while his wife/girlfriend/jumpoff slept beside him.

The 61-year-old retiree died in an ambulance on his way to hospital in Vienna on Tuesday with the maggots having partly devoured his back. Paramedics notified police after discovering the shocking state of hygiene in the man's home, and his 34-year-old partner was questioned over his condition. "The man had not wanted to be washed for a long time," a police spokesman said. According to police, the couple had been together for around a decade, and the victim's partner had slept in the same bed right up until his death. The dead man had been paralysed for several years following a stroke.

What's that smell?

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Male Actor Admits: 'Of Course' I've Had Sex With Men

Tom Hardy, the 32-year-old British actor who's starred in films like Inception, Bronson and Star Trek Nemesis admitted he's had How You Doin relationships.

"As a boy? Of course I have. I'm an actor for fuck's sake," he tells the Daily Mail. "I've played with everything and everyone. I love the form and the physicality, but now that I'm in my thirties, it doesn't do it for me. I'm done experimenting but there's plenty of stuff in a relationship with another man, especially gay men, that I need in my life. A lot of gay men get my thing for shoes. I have definite feminine qualities and a lot of gay men are incredibly masculine."

Tom is currently engaged to fellow British actress Charlotte Riley and has a two-year-old son with a former girlfriend.

Ehaow!

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Black Teen Beats Down White Man for Listening to Rap Music

A 14-year-old African-American boy was arrested Monday after he attacked a white 22-year-old man for listening to rap music in Palm Bay, Fla.

True story.

The victim was on a sidewalk listening to the music when he was confronted by the teenager and his friends.

The 14-year-old, who police say may have known the man, told the victim to stop listening to the rap music, “because he was white,” and that, “white people shouldn’t listen to rap music,” Yvonne Martinez, spokeswoman for the Palm Bay Police Department said. “(The victim) then told them that he could listen to any kind of music he liked.”

The teen then repeatedly punched the victim in the face and fled the scene.

The victim, who sustained a swollen left eye, later identified the boy to cops.

The boy was charged with misdemeanor battery and giving cops a false name. However, if the incident is determined to be racially motivated, the battery charge could be elevated to a felony via a so-called hate-crime enhancement.


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Is This Crazy Person Michael Jackson's Illegitimate Daughter?

We don't think so.

According to the folks over at TMZ, Mocienne Petit Jackson has filed papers in a Los Angeles court claiming she's the biological daughter of Michael Jackson and she wants a DNA test, his money and three kids.

No, seriously.

Mocienne claims back in 1975, 17-year-old Michael Jackson secretly impregnated her mother Barbara ... who happens to be Diana Ross' sister. MPJ claims when she was 9 years old, Katherine Jackson hatched a plan to "abduct" MPJ and send her to Belgium to protect Michael's "reputation." She claims all 7 of her abductors were later murdered. Now MPJ -- who currently lives in the Netherlands -- has decided to come forward with her story ... so she can "formally claim my part of my father's inheritance." She also wants custody of MJ's kids so she can give them a "more normal life." MPJ also claims she was diagnosed with Vitiligo ... so, there's that.

Of course, calls to Diana, Barbara and Michael's people have gone unanswered because they're all -- like we are -- gagging at the stories crazy people can create in their mind. Is the psychiatric hospital in the Netherlands aware of what Mocienne is up to?


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Lisa Wu Hartwell Leaves RHoA

It's the situation with DeShawn Snow all over again, y'all. The "circus" has just dropped another clown unwilling participant.

According to a report by BV Buzz (which was later confirmed by her publicist), Lisa Wu Hartwell, who has been dealt with her share of of personal and financial drama, will be leaving the Real Housewives of Atlanta due to "creative differences."

"They basically wanted to script elements of Lisa's life and make her amp up the drama. She wasn't with that at all. Lisa felt like if her real life alone wasn't enough for the network, then maybe it was time for her to go," a source close the production told BV Buzz. Hartwell, the ex-wife of R&B singer Keith Sweat, will be featured on "as many as three" episodes of the new season; however she will not be featured in the season three photos and opening visuals. "The part where the ladies hold the peaches when the show opens up, she didn't participate in that shoot," the source added. Hartwell I'm told "feels good" about leaving the show – though her rep would not comment on our story – and apparently already has several post-'Real Housewives' gigs lined up.

Lisa -- who says the decision to part ways with the girls was amicable, but you know that's not how things went down -- is now pursuing a career in other scripted programming -- like the movies. She has a part in the upcoming film "Black Ball" and will soon begin shooting another movie which stars Robert Downey Jr.


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More Mel Gibson Rants Released: 'Whore. Answer the Fucking Phone. Fucking Bitch'

On the night of February 18, Oksana Grigorieva dumped Mel Gibson after he went beserk when she looked and accussed her of sleeping with the gardener while planting a tree and burying their then three-month-old daughter's placenta in the backyard. After she fled, Oksana claimed she received 30 harassing and threatening telephone calls from Mel, some of them went to voicemail because she was either avoiding him or asleep. Plus, had she not let them gone to voicemail, she wouldn't be able to save them and release them to RadarOnline, would she?


Oh, Mel.


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Save the Date: Jesus Returns May 21, 2011

Marie Exley, an unemployed 31-year-old woman from Colorado Springs has shelled out $1,200 for 10 bus bench ads to, as she says, "get the word out" that the end of the world is nigh. In fact, according to her, Armageddon (in which nonbelievers are destroyed by fire, and the Rapture, in which believers are taken up to heaven) will come on May 21 of next year. Which is sooner than expected.

Umm, OK lady.



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Judge Strikes Down Parts of Arizona's Illegal Immigration Law

As expected, a court has blocked Arizona's discriminatory illegal immigration law that would've required anyone being stopped by the police – including for minor traffic violations – to prove they are entitled to be in the country. Those unable to produce the necessary legal documents would go to jail. The law was slated to go into effect at midnight. The governor plans to appeal.

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Finger in Butt Leads to Beat Down

It's all fun and games, until you get stabbed for putting your finger in someone's butt. No, seriously.

A Dallas woman touched her friend's buttocks, sparking an assault and attempted stabbing, police said. The alleged incident happened at an apartment in the 1700 block of Trade Winds Drive in the southern section of the city. According to a police report, the unnamed suspect rubbed a finger along the victim's butt crack, prompting her to clench her buttocks. The victim claimed the clenching caused the bed she was sitting on to break, angering the suspect. A fight ensued in which the suspect repeatedly hit the victim before grabbing a butcher knife and threatening to kill her. According to the report, the suspect said, "Are you ready to die?" The alleged victim called police and the suspect fled, the report stated. Officers found no visible injuries on the woman, who refused medical attention. It was not immediately clear if police arrested the suspect.

All this while we were under the impression that a toe is a toe. Apparently, not.



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Report: Swizz Beatz is a Deadbeat Dad

Back in 2009, while he was still married to Mashonda and jumping off with now fiance Alicia Keys, Swizz Beatz had a daughter with Jahna Sebastian -- his 24-year-old British jumpoff. (Swizz' relationship with Alicia led to this public scolding from Mashonda.) Now a friend of Jahna (pictured) has taken to the Internet to put Swizz Beatz on blast for failing to pay child support or acknowledging the baby exists. First the IRS is after Swizz, and now a baby mama. This isn't gonna end well.

Here's the tea.

Hey London Diva,

I am close friend of Jahna Sebastian, the mother of Swizz Beatz’s daughter. It’s ridiculous how celebrities turn out to be the opposite to what they portray to the public.

Swizz Beatz might be busy getting ready for marriage and new baby with Alicia Keys, but he stopped paying child support to his only daughter with producer/singer Jahna Sebastian who resides in London. Paternity has been established via DNA test taken in August 2009 and Alicia Keys was present. Jahna has maintained independent parental responsibility for two years trying to reach Swizz Beatz personally but received no response. She then sought attorney’s help and filed petition in July 2009. Swizz first time paid child support in September 2009 starting with $1500. Many people in UK and Russia already know about their two-year old daughter and it seems strange that he still would not publicly acknowledge her. Alicia seems to go along with it too. In May Swizz did not attend his daughter’s birthday although he promised to through a Birthday Party.

Two days later he was in London visiting his fiancé who announced her pregnancy on 27th May when the same day he visited his daughter for three hours. During the past year Jahna Sebastian and Swizz Beatz have been in and out of court but Swizz did not provide required information. They are going back into the court again very soon as Swizz is not behaving himself as a responsible father.

24-year old Jahna Sebastian is a respected producer and engineer as well as a singer, who graduated from Russian Academy of Music at the age of only 20 and is known in the community as a very independent young woman.

More details:
Jahna Sebastian met Kasseem Dean, better known as Swizz Beatz, in August 2007 in London, UK, at the Ministry of Sound nightclub, after being introduced by his manager.
At this stage, Jahna Sebastian wasn’t a fan who had been aware of his career.

During Swizz Beatz’s subsequent performance at the venue, he invited Jahna Sebastian onto the stage to perform with him, which she did.

After this initial meeting, a short relationship followed during which Swizz Beatz failed to inform Jahna Sebastian that he was married and gave an impression that was at liberty to pursue such a course of action.

Upon his return to the US, Jahna Sebastian became aware that Swizz Beatz was married and broke off any interest in him, which wasn’t hard as they had no contact at this time. Jahna Sebastian found out she was pregnant with Swizz Beatz’s child about six weeks later and there was no thought of having pregnancy terminated, on principle.

Jahna Sebastian was aware of the implications and possible effect on Swizz Beatz’s marriage, so when six to seven weeks pregnant, she initially privately made him aware of her pregnancy via e-mail, with the intention of seeking advice on how to deal with the situation, but received no response.

When three months pregnant, Jahna Sebastian was detained in Yarl’s Wood Detention Centre and subjected to Fast Track political asylum assessment protocol, an exercise eventually found to contain material error in law in the way her asylum application had been processed, a fact that led to her release, two months later.

Swizz Beatz’s name had been referenced as the father of their then unborn child, during interviews with the UK Home Office, at the time when Jahna Sebastian was initially detained.

Jahna Sebastian attempted to make Swizz Beatz aware of her predicament of being pregnant with his child and being detained, by writing him a letter from Yarl’s Wood Detention Centre outlining these facts, without response.

After her eventual release from detention centre and having given birth to their daughter Nicole, who was born in May 2008, Jahna Sebastian sent another letter to Swizz Beatz’s address to inform him of her birth, once again without response.

In spite of ensuing extreme difficulties, not least financial, as she was legally restricted from seeking employment as she fought a legal battle to clear her name, while providing for and raising their daughter, Jahna Sebastian sought no financial or moral support from Swizz Beatz for two years.

In July 2009, Jahna Sebastian instructed a US – based lawyer to contact Swizz Beatz’s legal representative with a view to establishing his parental responsibility. Following this, Swizz Beatz promptly re-established direct communication, which was the first time he had done so since he had left the UK, after their first meeting in 2007.

In August 2009 Swizz Beatz came to the UK to establish paternity via a DNA test which proved that he was the father of his now almost two year old daughter. His girlfriend Alicia Keys was also present.

In the interim since giving birth, Jahna Sebastian had sold her previously owned apartment in the UK to buy a larger property, more appropriate for housing herself and her daughter, all without any assistance, financial or otherwise, from Swizz Beatz.

Swizz Beatz and his fiance; Alicia Keys have both subsequently visited Jahna Sebastian and her daughter in the UK.

In October 2009 Swizz Beatz was ordered to pay temporary child support, while given time to provide financial documents for a conclusive settlement figure and structure of child support, but due to adjournments for various reasons given, the case is still ongoing.
Swizz Beatz has not provided the required signature for his two-year old daughter’s birth certificate, to date.

It is also worth noting that Jahna Sebastian has three separate strands of employment as a freelance music producer, and engineer and an actress in films and commercials.

If true, Swizz Beatz should do what's right, but upon reading this, we can't help but wonder if it was written by Jahna's PR rep. Just sayin'.

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WATCH: President Obama Smokes a Cigarette, Destroys the World

This video is so over the top, it brings out the LOLs. The take-away point is quite serious, however.

WATCH: Dancing in the Rain

We were thoroughly entertained by this. Perhaps you will be, too.

Jermaine Dupri Threatened to Have Blogger Killed

Despite the proliferation of the Internet, celebrities always believe what they say or do overseas will never make it back to America. They're almost always wrong. Case in point, after reading a post Sandra Rose wrote about his career being finished, former record executive and producer Jermaine Durpi drunk-dialed the blogger from France and went Mel Gibson crazy on her ass. According to Sandra, Jermaine threatened to have her killed. Seriously.

He basically let me know that his goons were coming for me — with his blessing. “I got people ready to kill you right now!,” he screamed. “I’m letting you know it’s serious in the streets right now,” said JD in a 3-way call from France where he had just finished partying. He said repeatedly, “I run Atlanta! I got ni**as calling me saying they don’t know what you look like, but all I gotta do is point you out and they will FUCK YOU UP!!!!” I was extremely offended by all his yelling and cursing and I reminded JD that I was a grown ass woman. “I’m grown too!,” he responded. “I got ni**as that will fuck you up on sight!” He wasn’t at all subtle with any of his threats — even though he insisted he wasn’t threatening me. “I know you’re recording this,” he yelled, “and I’m recording it too!” He made death threats unapologetically: “You already dead!,” he screamed.

We wonder who will publish the tapes first; Sandra, JD, or, the police. 'Cause, this is some drama we gotta hear.

Developing....


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Donald Trump Finally Says Something We Agree With

"She called; she wanted to be on the show ... but we just don't see her as a celebrity in any sense. What she did in life is not the greatest, right? What she did is not exactly the kind of thing that makes for Celebrity Apprentice."

-- Donald Trump on that skettel Rachel Uchitel's desire to appear on his reality show. (As you may already know, she's checked into Celebrity Rehab because she's "addicted" to Ambien or love -- or something. More like bitch is addicted to fame and married men. In the immortal words of Linnethia Leakes -- close your legs to married men!)


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World's First Full-Face Transplant Patient Shows Face

Last April, a 31-year-old Spaniard identified only as Oscar, became the first person on the planet to undergo a full face (including jaw, nose, cheekbones, muscles, teeth and eyelids) transplant after shooting himself in the face. This morning, he stepped in front of the cameras to thank his doctors and the family of the donor.

"I'm very happy to be here and I wanted to express my gratitude to the hospital and medical team and to all donors in Spain, especially the family of the man whose face I received," he said.

There's still a long road head, in terms of recovery. He's able to drink liquids and eat soft foods, and has been able to speak for the past two months. Oscar's regained feeling in most of his face and is partly recovering movement of his muscles. He's unable to close his eyes completely. One good sign was that a week after the operation, he had to be shaved because of beard growth. But he also suffered acute rejection twice — once four weeks after the surgery and again between the second and third months. Both times, the new face was saved with medication, the hospital said.

His sister told reporters, her brother looks forward to leading a normal life. He is eager to enjoy "little things, like walking down the street without anyone looking at him, or sitting down for a meal with his family. Doing things that all of us do on a normal day," she said.

Oscar will need to take medications for the rest of his life to ward off infection.

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50 Cent Promises to Stay Above the Fray

When it comes to fake, publicity-seeking feuding, no one does it better than 50 Cent. Just ask Rick Ross or Puffy. But, the rapper has announced that he will no longer respond to grease flung at him from other rappers.

50 says, "I don't have issues with people until they say things that make me feel like they want a problem. Point to one situation that I've been in, one altercation where I was competing with another artist that I've started... Ain't that hip-hop? There's always been battling. It's always been a part of the culture. In the future, because I've been kind of captured as the bad guy on some level because they watch me compete and win and it feels like it was effortless, I will (make) a point to not even respond. I'll just look and watch people when they say things."

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FIGHT! This is What Happens After a Few $3 Margaritas

What caused this brawl at NYC Blockheads restaurant is not known, but someone better be prepared to comp meals and clean this place up!

Apparently, Evil Female Genies Are Not to be Taken Lightly

A Saudi man has been chained in a basement apartment for more than six years because his father believes he is possessed by an evil female genie, reports the Daily Mail.

"When he has fits he has convulsions and his entire body twists and his eyes become completely white," said the father of the 29-year-old man who has been identified only as Turki. "Then the voice of a woman can be heard coming from him." When Turki first began behaving bizarrely, his father took him to local Muslim clerics to recite the Koran over him. But most of them became scared when they heard the female voice telling them that she was a royal jinn (genie) and that no-one can exorcise her unless Turki dies," his father said. One cleric advised him to shackle his son’s arms and legs in chains and read the Koran to him. "We did this. My son became quiet but is totally unaware of what is happening around him. He does not talk and is now unable to harm anyone," Turki’s father told Arab News, an English language Saudi daily. But genies, or jinn, in Islamic theology can be much more sinister. Some are good, others bad. A Saudi family last year took a "genie" to court, accusing it of theft and harassment. The jinn was said to have terrified the children by throwing stones, stealing mobile phones and speaking in male and female voices. Turki lives in a tiny, two-room basement apartment with his impoverished mother and her three other children in the holy city of Mecca. They survive on £150 ($193) a month from social security. His parents divorced before he was "possessed." Turki’s father claimed he himself was afflicted by a jinn at the age of nine and suffered for more than four decades until it was exorcised by a cleric. "I used to see a woman who would at times appear very beautiful and at times extremely ugly," he said. On some occasions she was "surrounded by fire" and on others appeared "with animal limbs." A Saudi human rights activist and professor in Sharia (Islamic law) who visited Turki found him to be in a "semi-coma." Muhammad Al-Suhali said Turki "did not know what was going on around him. He could not eat, drink or use the toilet without the help of others."

This sort of thing happens here in America, too.



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WATCH: Cop Shoves Disabled Woman to the Ground

A woman who suffers from cerebral palsy ate some pavement recently after a police officer shoved her to the ground on a street in Vancouver, Canada. Sandy tells the CBC, she was just minding her business and asked the officers to let her through when the incident happened. "I was walking home and I reached my hand up because I was trying to get through … but the tall guy pushed me down because they thought I was grabbing their gun because I touched the belt," she said. "He pushed me on the shoulder and pulled me down on the floor." Then he and his partners just left her there. Without excusing the officer's behavior, he may have thought Sandy was a crackhead, because the neighborhood where the push-down took place is quite very seedy.



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Oh, What a Strong Middle Finger You Have

This news anchor's vent up rage at a reporter constantly talking over him makes for an epic video.

Who's Mel Gibson Cussin' Out Today?

Pretty much everyone. Like, the Old Spice Guy, above.


Spazzy nominee Christian Bale:



Niko Bellic (from Grand Theft Auto)



Drew Barrymore:




Pat O'Brien:

Is This the World's Oldest Dildo?

This relic from the Stone Age was found by archaeologists digging at a Mesolithic site in Motala, Sweden. No one knows what the 4-inch long by 0.8-inch in diameter object -- which was carved out of antler bone -- is, but you bet scientists are on it! Aside from the obvious (a dildo, duh!) scientists believe it was some sort of tool used to "chip flakes of flint." Riigght.


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Grown-Ups Say the Darndest Things

If "Cousin It" is your type of political candidate, then you'll love Basil Marceaux, a gubernatorial candidate from Tennessee who has lost his fuckin mind! See you at the polls and thank you!

Mother Kills Children Because They're Autistic and Not 'Normal'

Do we still convict people and strap them to the electric chair before they stand trial? If we still do, 30-year-old Saiqa Akhter, of Irving, Texas deserves that treatment.

On Monday, she called 911 and confessed to strangling her two children with an antenna wire because they were not "normal." According to reports, the kids (5-year-old son Zain and 2-year-old daughter Faryaal) were autistic. Saiqa told the operator she wrapped the wire around the children's necks until they turned blue. Before that, she said she tried to make them drink bathroom cleaner. "I put in their mouth, but they don't drink it," she said.

Hearing the sound of running water in the background, the operator asked her what she was doing at that point. "The bathroom cleaner smells so much on my hands so I just wash my hands with water," Saiqa, who's originally from Pakistan, replied.

Asked again why she did it, Saiqa said: "They are autistic. They are too much....I don't want my kids to be autistic. I kill both of them....I want normal kids."

Zain died Monday. Faryaal died Tuesday evening, a day after she was revived and placed on life support.

Raising autistic children can be extremely difficult, but that doesn't mean you outta murder them.

Saiqa faces two charges of capital murder and hopefully she'll spend as little time in prison as possible -- if you know what we mean.

Here's the 911 call:







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Did Ne-Yo Have Sexe with an Underage Prostitute?

There's a huge scandal brewing in France right now. It's the case of two star soccer players currently on trial for having sex with underage prostitution whore, Zahia Dehar.

Zahia, who's now 22, has done interviews admitting that she slept with men for money when she was 16 years old -- the two soccer players (who could face a hefty fine and jail time if found guilty) were her clients. The story is all sorts of foreign, but, Ne-Yo -- someone we're all familiar with in the States -- may have been involved with the underage prostitution ring that employed Zahia.

According to the French newspaper France-Soir, during the 2008 Cannes Film Festival, Ne-Yo "spent a night with Zahia" and two other prostitutes who may have been underage. Were they trannies, too?

Prosecutors plan to speak with the singer to get to the bottom of this.


Sidebar: Prostitution is legal in France. The legal age is 18.



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The Most Enterprising Homeless Man Ever!

A California homeless man came upon a great business opportunity. The scheme was so genius, we're surprised no one else (to our knowledge) has tried it.

A Placer County man has been arrested after he broke into a shuttered bar, reopened the business and started selling drinks to unwitting customers, according to the Placer County Sheriff's department. The Placer County Sheriff's department arrested 29-year-old Travis Kevie of Newcastle after his 4-day stint as the barkeep of the historic Valencia Club in Penryn which had been shutdown for more than a year. Detective Jim Hudson became suspicious after reading about the Valencia Club's re-opening in an Auburn Journal newspaper article that featured a picture of Kevie and identified him as the club's new "owner/operator". Not only had Detective Hudson had previous run-ins with Kevie, he knew the Valencia Club's liquor license had been surrendered. When Detective Hudson went to the bar to investigate, he found it open for business and customers at the bar. Kevie quickly went from behind the bar to behind bars. Deputies describe Kevie as a transient. They say he broke into the Valencia Club and put an open sign in the window on July 16th. Kevie kicked off his business with a six-pack of beer he bought and resold at the club. He used his profits to buy more alcohol keeping the club open throughout the weekend serving about 30 customers a day, deputies say. Kevie is being held in the Placer County Jail for burglary and selling alcohol without a license.

Travis wasn't so bright after all. Giving interviews and posing for pictures in the local newspaper wasn't so smart. He went from behind a bar, to behind bars.



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Queen Rapes Dog at English Castle

This is too rich! According to the Telegraph, a 33-year-old transvestite raped a dog in the dry moat of King Henry VIII's Pendennis Castle overlooking Falmouth Bay in Cornwall, England after chasing the dog away from its owner.

The owner had been walking around the ancient castle with a friend when the pair spotted the lone transvestite on the morning of Saturday July 10th at around a quarter to twelve. He was wearing a black dress and walking around the steep-walled, empty moat. As the two ladies spotted the cross dresser he ran away. Later one of the dogs chased after the man; by the time the women had caught up, the man was having sex with the pet. Castle staff then restrained the man while police were called. Pendennis Castle, managed by English Heritage, is a popular family tourist attraction and was heaving with visitors in high season. He was escorted home and later made a "full and frank confession", and received a caution for outraging public decency. A police spokesman said: "Other agencies were liaised with and he was handed over to them". A spokesman for English Heritage said: "This was a very rare incident".

This is one of life's mysteries we will never understand. What drives a person to have sex with pets and farm animals.



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Arab Man Charged With Rape After Pretending to Be Jewish

A Palestinian man has been sentenced to 18 months in prison after being convicted of rape by deception after having consensual sex with an Israeli woman who believed he was Jewish because he introduced himself using the traditionally Jewish name "Daniel". In fact, his real name is Sabbar Kashur, 30, and he's from East Jerusalem. According to the London Telegraph, Sabbar, 30, met the unidentified woman on a street in Jerusalem in 2008.

After striking up a conversation, the two went into a top-floor room of a nearby office-block and engaged in a sexual encounter, after which Mr Kashur left before the woman had a chance to get dressed. It was only later that she discovered Mr Kashur's true racial background, lawyers said. Although conceding that the sex was consensual, district court judge Tzvi Segal concluded that the law had a duty to protect women from "smooth-tongued criminals who can deceive innocent victims at an unbearable price." "If she hadn't thought the accused was a Jewish bachelor interested in a serious romantic relationship, she would not have co-operated," Mrs Segal said as she delivered her verdict. Kashur was originally accused of violent rape and indecent assault, but later accepted the lesser charge under a plea-bargain after prosecutors received evidence suggesting the encounter was consensual. Kashur’s lawyer, Adnan Aladdin, said he had filed an appeal to ensure that the verdict was not considered precedent-setting, adding that otherwise “many men would find themselves in jail.” Israeli legal experts said they found the verdict disquieting.

According to the report, Arabs living in Israel usually disguise themselves because of fear of prejudice because of their background. But back to that fast ass woman: She only agreed to have sex with Sabbar because she thought a stranger she met on a street a few minutes prior was interested in a "serious romantic relationship." Really?

Update: Sabbar, who's married, told the Haaretz newspaper, the verdict is racist. He said he was leaving a grocery store when the woman, who was in her later 20s, started a conversation about his motorcycle. He said he didn't pretend to be Jewish and his friends and family call him by the nickname Dudu.

"For two years I've been under house arrest for nothing," he said. "If I were Jewish they wouldn't have even questioned me. That's not called rape. I didn't rape her in the forest and throw her away naked. She agreed to everything that happened."

His lawyer plans to appeal.

You may recall, another case of rape by deception happened in Connecticut last year.


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WATCH: Montage of Hip-Hop Video Clichès

Bling. Cristal. Cars. Boats. Grillz. Spinners. Video hoes. Check, check, check, check, check, check and check. They're all here.


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Man Goes Cruising For Sex, Returns in a Body Bag

This story is so bizarre, we don't know what -- or who -- to believe. Let's discuss. According to police, 48-year-old DeFarra "Dean" Gaymon was in Newark, NJ to attend his 30th high school reunion last Friday but made a pit-stop to a local park where he was witnessed having sex with someone -- or himself. According to an "undercover" officer, he lost his handcuffs after chasing and arresting another man for having sex in the park, so he went back to look for the cuffs. Upon locating the handcuffs, he bent down to retrieve them and at that exact moment DeFarra, who was "engaged in a sex act" (read: masturbating), propositioned him for sex. He refused, identified himself as a cop, showed DeFarra his badge and told him he was under arrest. He claimed DeFarra shoved him to the ground and ran. After a foot chase, he demanded that DeFarra stop and the suspect "lunged" at him and threatened to kill the officer. The officer responded with gun fire. DeFarra was pronounced dead at a local hospital. So, let's talk about it: We all know New Jersey is the "How You Doin" state, so was this "undercover" officer trying to get it in with DeFarra? Should police departments throughout the country be spending so much time in parks hunting down and arresting men cruising for sex? Last time we checked, Newark has some real dangerous criminals it should be chasing. And what does mayor Cory Booker think of this sting?

We know what you're asking: Yes, DeFarra was married with four kids and he lived in Atlanta, chile. Legendary!


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Cheating Couple Falls Out Window While Having Sex

A woman and her jumpoff who were having sex in front of window of a first floor apartment in Lubeck, Germany fell about 16 feet to a garden below. Both the 30-year-old woman and her 28-year-old jumpoff suffered broken bones and head wounds.

The woman says she and the men weren't having sex, despite reports from neighbors who spotted the couple in action before their fall.

“We weren’t having sex. We were just fooling around. I can’t remember the fall anymore,” she said.

Riiiggghhht.

In a bizarre twist, the pair were taken to the same hospital where the woman’s husband was recovering from his own fall - from a roof a few days earlier.

Awk-ward!



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WATCH: Man Argues with Goat

The host of this Spanish-language TV show will interview anyone of anything. So, he decided to ask this ibex a few questions. The goat had other ideas.

Study: Men With Long Ring Finger More Like to Get Prostate Cancer

A long ring finger has been previously linked to a reduced risk of heart disease and increased fertility, but a new study shows there are some negatives, too. A study of 366 men over the age of 40 conducted by the Gachon University Gil Hospital, in Incheon, South Korea, found men whose ring finger on the right hand was significantly longer than the index finger were three times more likely to get prostate cancer than those whose fingers were roughly the same length.

A long ring finger is thought to result from higher exposure to the hormone testosterone while in the womb. Testosterone is also known to stimulate prostate tumor development, according to the report.

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Woman Stabs Good Samaritan in Eye with Stiletto

Police in Dayton, Ohio are seeking the public's help in identifying these four women who attacked a man who just moments before was trying to help them. According to reports, 35-year-old Anthony Miliner helped one of the women who was getting his ass beat by someone in the car ahead of him in the McDonald's drive thru line. Something happened and the woman and her girls, turned on the good samaritan. The women punched, yelled, kicked, and spat at Anthony. One of them even stabbed him in the eye with a stiletto and after several surgeries, he will most likely lose vision in that eye.


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Screaming Child on Airplane Causes Woman to Go Deaf

A US citizen has settled a lawsuit with Australian-based airline Qantas after she claimed a screaming 3-year-old boy on the flight made her "stone cold deaf" thereby ruining her vacation to Australia and New Zealand in January 2009.

Jean Barnard, 67, said the boy, who was seated across the aisle, leaned over his armrest toward her and let out a scream so severe that blood erupted from her ears.

"The pain was so excruciating that I didn't even know I was deaf," she said. "I guess we are simply fortunate that my eardrum was exploding and I was swallowing blood. Had it not been for that, I would have dragged that kid out of his mother's arms and stomped him to death. Then we would have an 'international incident'."

Jean also claimed she suffered severe and permanent injuries, including sudden sensio-neural hearing loss and sought damages for physical and mental suffering, medical expenses and loss or impairment of earning capacity.

Her lawyer, Brian Lawler, argued Qantas was negligent because the plane's cabin and cockpit crew failed "to take all the necessary precautions to prevent the accident that resulted" in her "injury." Qantas argued that Jean had a hearing problem, prior to board the plane.

So, after a year, both parties have entered into a "confidential settlement."

Keep that in mind as you board those aircraft this summer.


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Black Parents Give Birth to White Baby

A newborn baby is grabbing headlines in Britain. A black couple, who are originally from Nigeria, gave birth to a blonde, blue-eyed white baby. Doctors say the baby isn't an albino and the parents don't know of any white ancestry in either of their families. So how do you explain this?

British Nmachi Ihegboro has amazed genetics experts who say the little girl is not an albino. Dad Ben, 44, a customer services adviser, admitted: "We both just sat there after the birth staring at her." Mum Angela, 35, of Woolwich, South London, beamed as she said: "She's beautiful - a miracle baby." Ben told yesterday how he was so shocked when Nmachi was born, he even joked: "Is she mine?" He added: "Actually, the first thing I did was look at her and say, 'What the flip?'" But as the baby's older brother and sister - both black - crowded round the "little miracle" at their home in South London, Ben declared: "Of course she's mine." Blue-eyed blonde Nmachi, whose name means "Beauty of God" in the Nigerian couple's homeland, has baffled genetics experts because neither Ben nor wife Angela have any mixed-race family history. Pale genes skipping generations before cropping up again could have explained the baby's appearance. Ben also stressed: "My wife is true to me. Even if she hadn't been, the baby still wouldn't look like that. "We both just sat there after the birth staring at her for ages - not saying anything." Doctors at Queen Mary's Hospital in Sidcup - where Angela, from nearby Woolwich, gave birth - have told the parents Nmachi is definitely no albino. Ben, who came to Britain with his wife five years ago and works for South Eastern Trains, said: "She doesn't look like an albino child anyway - not like the ones I've seen back in Nigeria or in books. She just looks like a healthy white baby." He went on: "My mum is a black Nigerian although she has a bit fairer skin than mine. "But we don't know of any white ancestry. We wondered if it was a genetic twist. "But even then, what is with the long curly blonde hair?" Professor Bryan Sykes, head of Human Genetics at Oxford University and Britain's leading expert, yesterday called the birth "extraordinary". He said: "In mixed race humans, the lighter variant of skin tone may come out in a child - and this can sometimes be startlingly different to the skin of the parents. "This might be the case where there is a lot of genetic mixing, as in Afro-Caribbean populations. But in Nigeria there is little mixing." Prof Sykes said both parents would have needed "some form of white ancestry" for a pale version of their genes to be passed on. But he added: "The hair is extremely unusual. Even many blonde children don't have blonde hair like this at birth." The expert said some unknown mutation was the most likely explanation.

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WATCH: Cop Slams Woman to Ground, Knocking Her Out

In this clip, a neighbor videotapes officers from the San Francisco police department trying to arrest a mother (who may or may not be drunk), but she has no intention of going to jail. Not today. In fact, she's overheard screaming and cursing at them and after a few moments of resisting, an officer slams her to the pavement, rendering her unconscious. We're not sure, but it looks like she may have bit him.

LISTEN: Sixth Tape of Mel Gibson Rants Released: 'I Want My Child and No One Will Believe You! So Fuck You!'

Yet another audio recording from Mel Gibson screaming at his baby mama Oksana Grigorieva has been released. (If you're keeping count, this makes six. Catch up here.) In the recording (which you can listen to below) Okasana is telling Mel he's crazy and needs medication. In response, Mel goes bat-shit crazy! He tells her, "You need a fucking kick up the ass for being a bitch, cunt, gold digging whore! With a pussy son! And I want my child, and no one will believe you! So fuck you!” That may be the exact reason why Oksana wrote a script and hired a professional audio crew to come in and record these conversations, because - sadly - most people wouldn't have believed her. For what it's worth, Mel was willing to forgive Oksana for being a user and gold-digger but she had to "crawl back, suck my cock and say you’re sorry, in that order" because that's the only thing she's good at. WHAT!!!????!!!



Coincidentally, the estranged couple (or just their attorneys) are in court today for a custody hearing. So this tape should come in handy, especially the part where Mel admits -- again -- to hitting Oksana and the baby and referring to her 12-year-old son Alexander as a "pussy."



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FIGHT! Man Head-Butts Street Preacher

For years now, preachers from the Bible Baptist Church in DeLand, Fla. have been going out to local bars after closing time to tell drunks "Jesus saves" whether they want to -- or coherent enough to -- hear it or not. Last Saturday, however, after one of those preachers called 20-year-old Nicholas Peck a sinner and told him he will go to hell, Nicholas (who, by the way, was drunk despite not being old enough to drink) head-butted the preacher and it was all caught on tape. Nicholas was charged with simple battery and released on $500 bail.



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Study: Children Born via IVF More Likely to Get Cancer

For years it's been believed that children born after fertility treatment are at greater risk of complications, congential malformations and infertility problems, but according to a study published in the journal Pediatrics, a significant association with cancer has been found.

Swedish researchers used records of more than 26,000 children born after IVF treatment and linked them to registers of cancer diagnosis. They found 53 children developed cancer, ranging from a very young age, up to 19-years-old, against an expected number of 38. The team said this meant there was a 42 per cent increased risk of childhood cancer in these children. The cancers included leukaemia, cancers of the eye and nervous system, solid tumours and six cases of a condition called Langerhans histiocytosis. There is debate over whether this condition is a real cancer or not but even when these cases were excluded the increased risk of cancer was still 34 per cent, the researchers said. IVF-conceived children were 87 per cent more likely to have received a diagnosis of cancer by the age of three than the general population. After this age the risk of cancer in IVF children reduced.

The cases of cancer for IVF children are not thought to be linked to the procedure itself rather they are more likely to be a result of the infertility itself or complications that occur around birth such as prematurity and low birth weight which are linked to fertility treatment.

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Man Shoots Wife With...Toilet Paper

According to police, at or around 12:15 this morning Darlene Pinnix of Reidsville, NC returned to the home she shared with her husband Lonnie Pinnix, who was pissed off at something. When she laid down on the bed, Lonnie grabbed a pistol and told her to get up. Before she could, he loaded the gun with toilet paper, fired, hitting her in the back. She suffered a "powder burn" and was treated at a local hospital.

Upon questioning, Lonnie, who was charged with assault with a deadly weapon, told police he loaded the pistol with toilet paper instead of bullets and shot his wife because she would not leave.

OK, there's GOT to be more to this story.

Developing....



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It's a Bird, It's a Plane...No, It's a Donkey!

To drum up interest in their private beach, several Russian devised an impromptu advertising campaign which was attaching a donkey to a parachute then flinging out to sea. The screaming donkey landed several feet away in open waters and was then dragged back to shore half alive. The men were questioned by police. Don't expect any criminal charges to be filed. This is Russia, after all.

Lawrence Taylor's Wife on Rape Charges: 'This is the Most Silly, Ridiculous Thing in the World. How in the Heck Do You Rape a Prostitute'

Last night Lynette Taylor, the wife of Lawrence Taylor, who's charged with paying a 16-year-old girl $300 for sex, made an appearance on Larry King Live and boy was it something. We were gagging and clutching our pearls while we looked on in amazement during the entire segment. First of all, Lynette was in defense mode from the jump and while she didn't go so far as to blame the girl for her actions (well, maybe she did), Lynette did say this was an extortion plot that went wrong and her husband didn't rape anyone because the girl let herself into the room, cops are only pursuing the case because Lawrence is a celebrity and the girl, well, she shouldn't have ran away from home. Plus, Lynette began talking all crazy about the war funding and the planet Jupiter.

Here are some of the juicy bits from the interview:

KING: You didn't -- didn't you suspect something, Lynette? He wasn't charged with beating up a girl in the school yard. He was charged with raping a girl in a motel room who was under aged. The girl was in the room, do you believe that?

TAYLOR: She was in the room, but she let herself inside of the room. He didn't open the door. Didn't go strolling.

KING: What did he tell you? What did he tell you what happened, so we can clear it up from his end? What did he say to you?

TAYLOR: The truth. Trust me, I know everything as if I were inside of that room, OK. Everything, every detail, every single word, everything that happened, everything that went on. I know everything.

KING: What can you tell us?

TAYLOR: That he didn't rape anyone. He didn't have sex with anyone. He didn't call her pimp. He did not go cruising down -- you know, stroll where prostitutes hang at. He didn't do any of those things.

KING: What was the girl doing in the room?

TAYLOR: The girl was in the room because she let herself inside of the room.

KING: She had a key?

TAYLOR: See, what a lot of -- no, no, no. What happened is a friend left and he left the door propped open, because he had been back and forth in and out of the room, and he forgot to put the chain, lock thing -- he didn't close the door. This was the same way the police got in.

KING: How did she know?

TAYLOR: That's in the reports as well.

KING: He was in the room?

TAYLOR: Well, pretty much, everyone in New York knew that Lawrence was going to be in New York. He was doing an autograph signing session the next day. If you go back to his 60-minute interview, he explained to you that he and his friend, they were sending hookers to each other's rooms and stuff like that. This was really an extortion prop, extortion plot that went wrong. Because he didn't fall for -- he didn't fall for the bait. I'm sorry.

KING: I got you. You are saying that he was being set up?

TAYLOR: Yes. Yes. I mean, it's obvious. And it's like, OK, she called her uncle. She texted her uncle, help me, I'm in trouble, whatever. How did her uncle know exactly where to go, where to send the police? Oh, she is a runaway. Her parents live in Virginia. But she is in New York and her -- her uncle, she's been missing for months, but he knew exactly where to go send the police to? Doesn't make any sense.

....
KING: Why, then, do you think the police arrested him if you had all of this contrary evidence?

TAYLOR: Because he's Lawrence Taylor. If it wasn't Lawrence Taylor, this wouldn't even be news. This wouldn't even be a big deal. I mean -- but it's a big deal because the media is making it like it's so fascinating, like, oh, my gosh. He's gross. He's an animal and this and that and this. And, I mean, it's like -- even when we went to court, it's like everyone there is like, this is a joke. All of this is circumstantial. And here's another thing that I don't understand. If everyone is believing what this victim said -- the police just took what she said and just, before doing an investigation, went and arrested Lawrence, because they believed her and found her to be credible. Then why couldn't he believe her if she told him that she was 19. So I don't understand why -- if she is so believable and so credible, why is it a problem that he believed her? That part is beyond me.

...

Yes, he should have told her to get the heck out of my room. But I cannot explain why men do what they do. I don't understand why we're destroying the Earth to get to Jupiter. That doesn't make sense to me. I don't understand why we're fighting a war, spending billions of dollars fighting a war over oil, instead of spending that money on stuff that we don't need oil. I don't understand why men do what they do.

And when no one's looking, well, they will try to get away with whatever. I can't say that. But here's the problem. When I say this was an extortion plot that went awry, because what it was to go, did you know that girl was 16, but he didn't have sex with. OK?

So now let's move on to Plan B. Let's just say he raped you and then we can sue him and we'll still get money. All right? This -- this is the most silly, ridiculous thing in the world. And I don't know -- it's like, oh, now she's a prostitute. How in the heck do you rape a prostitute.

She's a run away. Good girls don't run away. I'm sorry. I've been a 16-year-old girl, all right. I've been a 19-year-old girl. I didn't leave my home. That's what happens. that's what I think people need to tell their kids. That's what happens when you run away from home. When you leave the sanctuary of your home and your parents, yes, there are bad people out there. There are pimps waiting at bus stops and stuff things like that. You know what, stop running away. She shouldn't have ran away.

I'm not attacking her, but all I'm saying is, I don't understand how -- it's like, oh, she's only 16. Sixteen is so young. Sixteen- year-olds are driving our cars. Sixteen-year-olds are working in our stores. They're serving our food. They are old enough to have jobs. She was old enough to, if she wanted to get help, get help. Why did it have to be a rich guy before she decided, oh, I don't want this anymore? It doesn't make sense.

Gagging we tell you. Gagging!


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'Because I Back-Traced It'

11-year-old Jessi Slaughter (not her real name) has haters, y'all. While it's not ever a good idea to attack 11-year-old girls, evidently she knows how to defend herself. In fact, in the video above she tells the alleged haters: "If you can't stop hating, you know what? I'll pop a glock in your mouth and make a brain slushy." Sounds hardcore, right? Turns out, Jessi's one big, foul-mouthed cry baby who turns to daddy to protect her after the alleged haters spammed her Facebook and MySpace accounts, had pizzas delivered to her home address and were considering sending prostitutes to her house. The video of her father's rant is below. It's. Fuckin. Epic! (Wait, are we gonna get "backtraced," too?)

"The consequences will never be the same!"






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