Friday, April 3, 2015

The Weekend is Brought to You By These Two Men Trying to Flee From Police on Horse and Cart

Have a good weekend y'all. Here are some of the shenanigans we brought you this week.
  1. This was the craziest story of the week, bar none.
  2. A tenant moved out and left the apartment covered in a foot of feces.
  3. A man spray-painted the ENTIRE interior of his apartment after his landlord refused to give him back his security deposit.
  4. A woman killed her 1-year-old son inside a restaurant because she thought someone was going to eat him.
  5. A 20-year-old woman killed a 57-year-old date she met on Craigslist.
  6. A Texas state trooper was ordered to undergo counseling because he took a photo with Snoop Dogg.
  7. A man went to bail his girlfriend out of jail but he ended up in the slammer because he showed up with an illegal gun and smelling of weed.
  8. A woman got KTFO with a ceramic chicken after she broke into another woman's home and strangled her with her bra.
  9. A black waitress who sued Hooters for firing her after she refused to remove her blond highlights was awarded $250,000 in a settlement.
  10. A lady went to a spa and left her 7-year-old inside a dumpster.
  11. The person tapped to replace Jon Stewart on The Daily Show was announced and everyone freaked out.
  12. While on the pulpit preaching the gospel, supposedly, a pastor threatened to hunt down and kill his grandson.
  13. A woman told her stepson she was going to kill him, then she tried to.
  14. We learned the signs and actions that will get you stopped by airport security every time.
  15. Jenny McCarthy said producers of the flailing talk show The View asked her to come back, but she told them, hell to the no!
  16. Versace stole the t-shirt design of an LA artist.
  17. A woman stabbed her boyfriend in the groin because he ate all of the salsa.
  18. A man jumped into a river and tried to commit suicide by drowning because he was being forced to marry an ugly woman.
  19. A 6'3" trans woman and a 4'4" man are now engaged.
  20. Two trans streetwalkers stole a john's truck then drove onto the NSA headquarters; it didn't end well for them.
  21. A deadbeat dad who plays an thug on the Internet was sentenced to jail for being a deadbeat.
  22. A woman said another driver called her the n-word then threatened to kill her.
  23. Common was uninvited as the commencement speaker at a university because police objected to lyrics he wrote glorifying a cop-killer.
  24. Someone mistakenly mailed 10 bags of weed covered in peanut butter to a NYC grocery store.
  25. What would you do? A man found a 75-pound bag of cash on a highway then he returned it.
  26. A woman fired a gun into her wall, shooting a neighbor lying in bed.
  27. Congratulations are in order to a high school senior, who was accepted to every Ivy League college in the country.
  28. A man stole his son's cell phone then shot his son in the chest when he confronted him.
  29. A pizza shop was forced to close and its owners forced out of town because they said they wouldn't care gay weddings.
  30. A woman was sentenced to 20 years in prison for ending her own pregnancy by taking drugs she ordered online.
  31. A teenage thug who pretended to be a victim in order to get a heart transplant he wasn't allowed to get, was killed after a crime spree and chase with police.
  32. A convicted murderer escaped from prison.
  33. A gentleman was jailed for canoodling with a dog.
  34. A 61-year-old woman who was supposed to get married this Sunday is now charged with murdering her fiancé.
  35. And in Florida, a naked burglar was found in bed with a 10-year-old boy, a drunk man who got a courtesy ride home from a police officer then slapped the officer in the face, a woman wearing only underwear in a McDonald's drive-thru was arrested for DUI, and finally, a lady was arrested because she was in a bar offering to give patrons professionals.
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