Week In Review

Hello, boys and girls. Have a fantastic weekend! We'll see y'all back here on Monday.

While we're away, if you have a tip about a story or something we should look into, post or get a chuckle from, please direct it here.

Here are some of the week's lowlights (and some highlights, too).

1. Poor, sad, drug addict Anna Nicole. She filed for bankruptcy but didn't know why she filed for bankruptcy.
2. Yet another man is pregnant.
3. Before we knew about Tiger Woods' many jumpoffs, his wife executed a sting operation and cracked the story, then she cracked his skull with a 9 iron.
4. While on the subject of skull cracking, former figure skater Nancy Kerrigan's father is dead and Tanya Harding is not to blame.
5. Now back to Tiger. Yet another woman came forward claiming she slept with Tiger and he paid her $500,000 to keep her pie hole shut.
6. John Edwards, who was running to become president of the United States, has a big penis. Yes, he does. How do we know? It's on his sex tape? His on-screen partner, Rielle is fighting mad and wants to get it back. Um, good luck with that, homewrecker.
7. More penis talk: This is what a very satisfied penis looks like.
8. Even more penis talk: Andy Dick is still getting arrested. This time for grabbing other men's, ahem, dicks.
9. Someone who hates penises anywhere near her vajayjay -- according to legend -- Queen Latifah wants four babies.
10. Joe Jackson is working.
11. Quick! Remind this priest that stealing is a sin.
12. This man wanted his ex-wife dead so he enlisted her kids (their kids) to beat her to death with a bat.
13. Dude tried to break into prison. Dude ran over five people waiting to cross the street.
14. Bad mother alert: This woman raped her son for years.
15. This boy raped a woman in front of is friends -- but because he's young, dumb and... he escaped a long-term prison term.
16. This 14-year-old boy murdered both of his parents because he didn't want to do chores. Craziness!
17. Wanna know why you're not getting ahead in life?
18. Apple announced the iPad -- the world went mad.
19. Oral sex is not offensive. Even fourth graders know that -- probably because they're doing it.
20. Employees at a nursing home who abused the elderly are now getting sued. As they should.
21. One of Puffy's baby mommas says he was cheating on her with the two other baby mommas. Do you care?
22. Ugly Betty got her ass cancelled.
23. A Houston pastor got arrested for putting an epic beatdown on his wife.
24. Then there's this pastor who tried to shoot and kill his son and his family because they're not attending church.
25. A man trying to get run over by a train is saved...
26. Why is this man molesting a chicken?
27. Couples who don't have sex for a year could qualify for divorce in this state.
28. Will Smith is considering running for political office and he wants the top one. Ehaow!
29. Woman said Botox killed her 7-year-old daughter.
30. If there's a hell, this man is going there.
31. Teabaggers brought their message to NYC in the form of hateful letters which they threw out windows berating President Obama, his mother and pretty much everyone he knows. Harsh.
32. American Idol could be deadly. This woman has been charged with attempted murder after a fight about the show.
33. Another day, another sex scandal. This time an NFL player raped a tranny. That's what she says.
34. Kelis, Kelis, Kelis. What were you thinking?
35. Man gets drop-kicked in the face.
36. Oh, no she didn't. A Fox Sports reporter says Michell Obama looks like a Tellytubby!
37. Etta James is fighting a potentially fatal blood infection and has been hospitalized for a week. Beyoncè is not responsible.
38. This driver is drunk, high or is a long-time member of AARP. Whatever the case, he needs to be arrested and his license revoked -- immediately!
39. Woman says a public toilet exploded as she used it.
40. Michael Jackson's kids will be at the Grammys. Rumor is they may also perform.
41. Possible animal-rights protester sets himself on fire outside a fur store...and now he's dead.
42. Crackhead tried to decapitate his roommate over $20 worth of crack. Typical.
43. President Bush messed up lines in Haiti PSA and he gets yelled at.

YOU SAID IT: Comment of the Week
This is ridiculous. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad. Just like everyone else who walks this earth, that woman once had (and still has) a lot of potential. I don't know what circumstances brought her to where she is today but she could do so much better for herself. However, it is her personal choice to exploit herself and live an empty life. I just hate that she has five children who were born into this seemingly never-ending, perpetuating cycle of drugs, abuse, neglect, and fatherless homes. It's heartbreaking to think of what her children go through while she's out running the streets. God bless that woman and her children. - Anonymous on FY-You: She's a Hustler, Not a Prostitute

President Bush Flubs His Lines in Haiti PSA

President George Bush can't read the TelePrompter and gets cursed out by the director of the Haita PSA he was filming with President Clinton. Pretty effing hilarious, but we believe it was doctored.

Crackheads Are Outta Control! (Part 4)

A Kansas City man has been accused of attacking his roommate, a 42-year-old woman with a machete after an argument over crack cocaine.

Prosecutors charged Eugenio Planche with first-degree assault and armed criminal action in connection with the 2:10 a.m. attack this morning in the 5800 block of Woodland Avenue.

According to the Kansas City Star, Eugenio gave the woman $20 to buy a rock of crack then complained about the size of the rock she delivered. He then grabbed a machete from his bedroom and swung it at the victim while other roommates tried to break up the fight.

When cops arrived, the woman was bleeding from the head and suffered cuts to both hands. Plus, she suffered broken bones and severed tendons in her left hand.

She was stitched and is expected to survive, but it will be weeks before she will be able to use her hands.

Outta control!


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Man Commits Suicide By Setting Himself on Fire Outside Fur Store

A homeless man doused himself with gasoline and then lit the fuel outside a Portland, Ore. fur store on Wednesday.

Daniel Shaull's father tells The Oregonian his son was mentally ill and tired of living.

While fully engulfed in flames, Daniel (pictured) tried to enter the fur store and was yelling something about the world ending and animals dying.

As onlookers looked on in horror, an officer went to get a fire extinguisher out of the trunk of her patrol car, but she accidentally grabbed a large can of pepper spray used in riot control. )The pepper spray cans are red like a fire extinguisher.)

The fur store has been the site of frequent animal-rights protests in the past.


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Michael Jackson's Kids Will Accept His Grammy

Michael Jackson's two eldest children will take the stage Sunday to accept a Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award on his behalf, according to CNN.

This would be Prince Michael and Paris' first major public appearance since their father's memorial service last July.

Grandmother Katherine Jackson will be in attendance, but papa Joe -- who is mad no one asked him if the kids could accept the award -- will not be the. And neither will Blanket. (He's got a play date or something.)

Some are speculating that history could be made on Sunday in the form of Prince Michael and Paris' first ever performance.

"Michael first unveiled his legendary moonwalk at the Grammys, so it's only right they all go out with a tribute," a source says.

The other big Grammy rumor is that Lady Gaga and Sir Elton John will perform together. The gays will have an aneurysm -- and so will Fred Phelps.

Plus, on Monday, several major stars (Elton John, Celine Dion, Wyclef Jean, Gladys Knight, Aretha Franklin and others) will lend their voices to remake "We Are the World" in an effort to raise even more money for the people of Haiti.





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Woman Sues After Public Toilet Explosion

Julianna Mandernach of Chicago has filed a lawsuit seeking unspecified damages against Metra (Chicago's railroad system) after a Jan. 29, 2009 incident left her with injuries of a "personal and pecuniary nature."

What Had Happened Was: Julianna used the train's bathroom, but when she flushed, the contents exploded out of the toilet and "splattered" her.

We would die!

She claims the train operator knew the toilet was broken and should have repaired it or make it inaccessible for passengers.


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Serial Rapist, Ex-Fashion Designer Pleads Not Guilty...To More Rape Charges

Former fashion designer Anand Jon Alexander, who was convicted and sentenced to 59 years in California for raping several women, appeared in a NYC courtroom this afternoon to face -- what else? -- rape charges.

The New York rape charges stem from allegations that he raped several women between 2002 and 2006.

If convicted in New York (which he probably will), he could get another life sentence.

Then after that, he'll head to Texas to face -- you guessed it -- more rape charges!



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The Craziest Thing You'll See Today

We're dumbfounded and amazed (and in stitches) after watching these images taken from several traffic cameras in Slovenia. We'd like to ask him or her: What the fuck?!!! On the other hand, we rather stay away from crazy people.

As Far As We Know, Beyoncè Has Nothing to Do With Etta James' Hospitalization

Legendary R&B singer 72-year-old Etta James has been in the hospital for about a week near for treatment of various ailments, including a bloodstream infection, according to her eldest son Donto James.

He tells ABC News his mom fell ill after entering a detoxification center a month ago for treatment of an addiction to painkillers and over-the-counter medicine and as her condition worsened, she was moved to a nursing facility, and then to Riverside Community Hospital, near her home east of Los Angeles. (In the past, Etta struggled with heroin addiction.)

She is being treated for a number of ailments, including sepsis, a potentially fatal infection spread through the bloodstream, which in her case is believed to have started from a urinary tract infection.

He said that illness may have been a recurrence of an infection that she had around the time she performed "At Last" on the ABC show "Dancing with the Stars" last April.

Donto says his mom, who now has difficulty speaking and suffers from Alzheimer's disease, will be released from the hospital soon and will then transferred to a nursing facility.

Almost a year ago, Etta let Beyoncè and President Obama have it in this now legendary tirade. Donto says her illness may have caused the outburst.

We wish her a speedy recovery.



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Fox Sports Reporter: Michelle Obama Looks Like Tinky Winky

For her husband's first State of the Union address on Wednesday night, First Lady Michelle Obama poured herself into an Isaac Mizrahi aubergine/eggplant emsemble. In our estimation, everything was working; from the hair to the shoe. Done! But Clarissa Thompson, who works the sidelines for the Fox Sports Network, wasn't feeling it.

She tweeted:





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John Edwards' Sex Tape Really Does Exist, Rielle Hunter Wants It Back

Remember the John Edwards sex tape we told you about earlier in the week? Well Andrew Young, John's former bestie who has written a tell-all exposing his former boss as a liar and a cheat, says he found the tape in July 2008 and it clearly shows John (with his big penis) having sex with a pregnant woman -- his jumpoff and baby mother Rielle Hunter.

Andrew tells ABC News, "There was one tape that was marked 'special'. It's a sex tape of Rielle and John Edwards made just a couple of months before the Iowa caucuses. It's definitely him... but you see -- you clearly see his face for a long time. And I can't speak for the other body parts, but it's definitely his face," he says on 20/20 airing tonight.

Here's a preview:


Now Rielle has confirmed the woman on the tape is her.

She filed a lawsuit against Andrew and his wife seeking a jury trial and damages for invasion of privacy and was granted a temporary restraining order this morning seeking the return of photos and that much talked about sex tape.

"In or about September 2006, using my video camera, I authored a personal video recording that depicted matters of a very private and personal nature," Rielle wrote in an affidavit filed yesterday. "In 2006, I was also having an intimate relationship with Edwards. The decision was made that the Video be destroyed" in December 2006, she wrote. She said she pulled out the tape from the cassette and stored it in a box with personal belongings.

Baptist Pastor Threatened To Shoot, Kill Son Because He Doesn't Go to Church. Whaaaat?!

The son of a popular Alcoa, Tenn. pastor has taken out an order of protection against his father, claiming he was threatened with a gun during an argument at a church because he wasn't coming to church as often as his father believes he should.

The order of protection was filed by 32-year-old Michael Louis Colquitt against 60-year-old Joe Colquitt, pastor of St. John Missionary Baptist Church.

Michael told police his father (pictured) pulled out a handgun when they met at the church to discuss church attendance last Friday. He told officers his father loaded the gun then pointed it at him and threatened to kill him, his wife and family. But wait. It gets crazier. Michael claims Joe punched him in the face.

We swear, Jerry Springer's cameras weren't rolling and these aren't members of the Jackson family.

Joe, who doesn't have a license to own a gun, told cops he pointed the weapon at the ceiling.

Utter madness!


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Fine, Take The Shirt

On another note: Maybe he was trying to shoo a fly from the man's face, you never know.

Halloween Came Really Early This Year

Kelis was in Hollywood last night attending the first ever Data Awards, honoring electronic music. As far as we know, this was not a costume party. The braid thing we get (OK, kinda): It's a take on the hair models walking in Stefanía Borrás' show at 080 Barcelona Fashion wore yesterday, but we're still trying to figure out the tiara(?) and that god-awful PVC onesie. And. Those Alexander McQueen 10-inch lobster claw-like shoes are not working. Where were her gays?

BTW: New music from Kelis! It's called "Scream & Shout" from her forthcoming album "Fleshtones", which drops April 13. (Fleshtones, huh? Maybe that explains the outfit.)

Tranny Sues NFLer Eric Green For Sodomy

Angelina Mavilia, a 38-year-old transgender NYC woman, has filed a $10 million lawsuit against former NFL player 27-year-old Eric Green.

Sometime in early 2009, Angelina says she met Eric in a Scottsdale, Ariz. casino and somehow they ended up at his condo where he forcibly sodomized her. (Eric was playing with Cardinals at the time.)

After raping her third input (read: the ass) he threatened her and warned, "This never happened. You'd better not tell."

It doesn't seem as if Angelina filed a police report, so this case could get interesting.



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Blind Item - This Arrogant Guy Tried To Compete With Haiti Telethon

When the first rumblings of a George-Clooney-led charity event hit the entertainment community, one star was surprisingly reticent about chipping in to help. This celeb was convinced that Clooney and friends were just looking to sweeten their own profiles with a humanitarian gesture. He decided that he didn't want to play second fiddle to Clooney & Friends, and started making some calls to try to get people to rally around his effort, which was going to be staged as a similar event … except that our guy would be the star. He made a few calls around, and was surprised to discover that he didn't have many takers for his event. He says that it was because people just didn't have enough time to pull together performances for his event. The reality is that no one really wanted to be part of a charity event that put more of an emphasis on this arrogant guy than on the charity itself.

Hint: How You Doin'



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FIGHT! News Reporters Are Not to Be Messed With

As the wife of a Florida attorney who admitted to running a $1.2 billion Ponzi scheme left the courthouse on Wednesday, a reporter wanted to know what she had to say, but her bodyguard pushed him. Uh-oh. No one pushes this reporter into a corner.

Lottery Winner Celebrating Win is Killed

A woman who had been out celebrating her winnings in the Ohio Lottery was killed when she was struck by a car.

The Ohio Highway Patrol says Deborah McDonald had just left a bar in north-central Ohio and was walking along a road Tuesday night when she was struck by a car and killed instantly.

A spokeswoman for the Ohio Lottery says Deborah won $8,000 in the lottery's TV game show Cash Explosion Double Play. (The show was taped Jan. 12 and is set to air tomorrow.)

Deborah has recently fallen on hard times and thought the money would give them a boost, according to the Sandusky Register newspaper.

Earlier that day, Deborah treated her husband and friends Sherry Blissit and Darrell Ring to a meal at Red Lobster. She bought wedding rings -- a luxury she and her husband couldn't afford before their unexpected good fortune. She also bought a friendship ring for Sherry, the paper said.

The couple told friends they planned to use the rest of their winnings to make a down payment on a charter boat so they could spend their days on the water together. Deborah dreamed the boat might be their ticket to better days, allowing them to start a fishing business.

She had six children.


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'American Idol' Fight Ends In Someone Being Charged With Attempted Murder!

A woman is now facing first-degree attempted murder charges after she stabbed her boyfriend after arguing about American Idol.

No, seriously.

According to the St. Petersburg Times, Cynthia E. Bettis-Ware, 52, and her boyfriend Kevin Johnson, 47, were watching American Idol on Tuesday in the motel room where they live when they started to argue over something that happened on the show. Kevin tried to squash the petty argument by changing the channel, but Cynthia just kept on running her mouth, so he decided to go to bed.

Bad idea.

Kevin said he awoke about 11:22pm to crazy Cynthia standing over him with a 10-inch knife. She stabbed him five times in the back and twice in his chest then she scalded him with hot cocoa.

Craziness!

He was somehow able to wrestle the knife away from her, then ran into the parking lot. But crazy Cynthia wanted him dead -- she chased him with another knife!

Cops soon arrived and threw crazy Cynthia in jail.



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It's A Bird? A Plane? No, Just Rants From Obama Haters

Hours before President Obama delivered his first State of the Union address last night, some crazy person(s) letterbombed at least one NYC street with thousands of pages of fucked up rants dissing him -- and everyone he knows.

It's believed that the culprit(s) either threw the pages out the window of a high-rise or out of a moving car, littering 68th street on NYC's Upper West Side. The folks over at Gawker got their hands on two pages.




Update: According to Politico, several members of the House had their pages hacked last night/this morning. A message reading "FUCK OBAMA!! Red Eye CREW !!!!! O RESTO E HACKER !!! by HADES; m4V3RiCk; T4ph0d4 - FROM BRASIL" appeared on the Web sites of Reps. Peter Welch (D-Vt.), Mark Kirk (R-Ill.), Joe Wilson (R-S.C.), Charlie Wilson (D-Ohio), John Tierney (D.-Mass.), Charles Gonzales (D-Texas), Brian Baird (D-Wash.) and John Barrow (D-Ga.).



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Man Pleads Guilty to Raping Elderly Women

A 21-year-old man was sentenced Tuesday to 30 years in prison for raping two elderly women while he was a teen under state supervision, reports Balitimore Sun.

Dwayne Price pleaded guilty to raping a 73-year-old woman in her Baltimore home in 2005, then stealing $3 from her purse. He also pleaded guilty to raping an 88-year-old woman in her home in 2007, after posing as a cable company employee to gain entry; he then stole $2 from her. According to court documents, the 88-year-old woman managed to use her medical alarm. When someone called to check on her, Dwayne told them everything was fine, leaving his voice as a means of identification; He also left his underwear at the crime scene.

He had been arrested at least 11 times by the time he was 18 and had escaped custody twice.

For the guilty plea this week, he received 60-year sentences in each case, with all but 15 years suspended. The terms are to run consecutively.

Good riddance!


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Mom: Botox Killed 7-year-old Daughter

A woman who claimed her 7-year old daughter died from a fatal reaction to Botox treatments for cerebral palsy is suing the drug's manufacturer. In addiction to cosmetic uses, Botox is widely used to relax muscles in cerebral palsy patients. Kristen Spears died in November 2007 of respiratory failure and pneumonia. Her mother, Dee, alleges that an overdose of Botox weakened muscles controlling her breathing.

Will Smith Wants to Be President -- Of The United States?!

Jada says, "Will is thinking about going into politics. He once said he could imagine becoming a US president. He wasn't joking, he was quite serious about it."

That campaign should be very, very interesting.


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A Year Without Sex Could Lead To Divorce in Maryland

Did you know that in Maryland there's a law that says couples must live separately for a year before they can receive an uncontested divorce? Now, because of the economy, lawmakers are proposing a change: Couples could live under the same roof and still get that uncontested divorce (read: cheap, no hassle) -- if they don't have sex for one year. Not sure how successful that's going to be.


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Only in New York, Kids. Only in New York.

Late Tuesday afternoon on a NYC subway, a man was seen hugging, kissing and caressing a live chicken. Ernie, is that you? We feel dirty.

Sex Offender Used Fake Name to Visit Classroom

Officials in Philomath, Ore. say 35-year-old Steven Routley used a fake name to sign in as a guest and speak to an art class last month at Philomath High. Steven, a registered sex offender, was released from a Michigan prison least year after serving time for criminal sexual conduct with a person under 13. Question: Who invited this monster to speak in a classroom in the first place?

Not Today, Buddy

A Bakersfield, Calif. Sheriff's helicopter camera was rolling as a man narrowly escaped death on Monday. Cops say 46-year-old Gregory McKay was drunk and walking on the tracks with the intent to commit suicide, but moments before the train struck -- this happened. (BTW: The other man is a Sheriff's deputy.)

Pastor Arrested For Beatdown of Wife

Houston minister Bishop James Dixon was arrested yesterday on a domestic violence charge after his wife, Tanisha Dixon, said he pushed her after she asked him to leave her home, then he slammed her into a wall then slammed her into the ground. What?!!!!!! Sounds a lot like Bebe Winans' assault on his wife, which miraculously went away.

Adios! 'Ugly Betty' Gets Cancelled

This will be the final season for Mark, Wilhemina, Amanda, Justin, and, oh, Betty. ABC has just announced the show has been cancelled. We're sad.

"We've mutually come to the difficult decision to make this Ugly Betty's final season, and are announcing now as we want to allow the show ample time to write a satisfying conclusion. We are extremely proud of this groundbreaking series, and felt it was important to give the fans a proper farewell." ABC Entertainment head Steve McPherson and show executive producer Silvio Horta said in a joint statement.

Maybe we'll get a Mark and Amanda spin-off. No?


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Misa Says Puffy Was Cheating On Her With Other 'Sister-Wives'

Misa Hylton-Brim was a guest Cherry Martinez' radio show on Monday and she delved waist into her issues with Diddy, who is the father of her son, Justin.

She talks about the child support case -- where Diddy's other son with Kim Porter was reportedly getting more because Kim was still having sex with Diddy. She also suggested that Diddy was trying to sleep with her, but she had moved on. Then she claims Diddy cheated on her with Kim and Sarah Chapman, who is other baby momma, whom she calls her "sister-wives." Sidebar: Kim and Sarah don't get along.

Listen:

Michael Douglas' Son Pleads Guilty to Drug Trafficking Charges

Michael Douglas' 31-year-old son, Cameron, has pleaded guilty to trafficking large quantities of methamphetamine and cocaine.

Cameron was arrested in July 2008 at a NYC hotel and was originally put under house arrest. But he was thrown in jail after his girlfriend tried to smuggle heroin to him in an electric toothbrush.

He faces a minimum 10 years in prison.


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Another Man Gets Knocked Up, Expecting Baby Boy

Thomas and Scott Moore, a transgender couple from California, have just announced that they are expecting their first child together -- a boy they intend to name Miles next month.

Scott, who born Jessica and knew he was "different" at age 11 and started taking male hormones at 16. Thomas, who was born Laura, had a hysterectomy and gender reassignment surgery last year.

According to reports, Scott was inseminated with the sperm of a male friend and became pregnant last June.

"We were so happy we did what all gay men do when they get excited - we went shopping," Thomas said.

Scott plans to have a natural birth at their local hospital. Their doctor and obstetrician have told the hospital staff.

"We didn't want everyone to be shocked when a man turns up to give birth. We found it very difficult to get a doctor and midwife at first. It was hard when people didn't want to treat me. No pregnant person should be denied healthcare just because they are a man....I'm looking forward to giving birth now. With Thomas at my side everything will be just fine," he tells the Daily Mail.

Thomas adds, "We want to show the world that trans-families can be healthy, loving and nurturing."

Last year, a Spanish man announced he was pregnant and before that American Thomas Beatie revealed he was expecting his second child.


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Anna Nicole Smith Was Bankrupt But Didn't Know Why -- Probably Because She Was High

Newly released government files offer a glimpse into the money troubles that plagued Anna Nicole Smith at the height of her notoriety, ranging from millions in missing jewels to unpaid utility bills, reports the AP.

The Department of Justice files that detail her 1996 bankruptcy filing (which came a year after her billionaire husband's death) also note her lack of understanding of her financial woes.

"She did not know why she was in bankruptcy," an unidentified Chapter 11 examiner wrote in a 1996 report that was part of the government file obtained by The Associated Press under a Freedom of Information Act request.

Assets noted in her file include a Russian lynx coat appraised at $43,343.75 and a necklace with a 500-carat sapphire, but also six potbellied pigs and a $12,000 doll collection. A safety deposit box at a New York bank held nearly $1 million in jewelry, but also a bottle of her perfume and a copy of her calendar. And while filings list $154,142 in income from modeling and royalties in 1994 and $274,514 the next year, left unpaid were taxes in numerous jurisdictions and even a gas bill for $265.63.

Also detailed in the files is Anna's apparent loss of some $2.7 million in jewelry, including two pieces valued at nearly a half-million dollars apiece: a ring with three diamonds, including one weighing 8.45 carats, and a platinum necklace with 226 diamonds totalling nearly 74 carats. The whereabouts of both were never determined, nor is it known if they were stolen.

In the bankruptcy examiner's report, the writer often expresses exasperation with Smith, saying she appears drugged during the interview and takes additional pills in the course of the meeting at her home.

"She could barely walk, her speech was slurred, she had to lay down in a darkened room as the light bothered her and she could not remember what she said from one moment to the next," the examiner reported.

That was the story of her sad, short life.


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Nursing Home Employees Sued For Abusing Patients

Two former aides at a Minneapolis nursing homer are getting their asses sued after groping, spanking and spitting on several residents at a nursing home where many patients were suffering from dementia or Alzheimer's disease.

That facility, surprisingly named The Good Samaritan Society nursing home is also getting sued.

What these employees did is unconscionable.




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Susan Boyle Finds a Boy in Her Home

After a recording a charity single for Haiti last night, British singer (and admitted virgin) Susan Boyle returned to her London home last night and there was a 16-year-old boy waiting for her.

Awkward.

She called police and the intruder was arrested. (He has since been released.)


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Blind Item - Which Singer Was Hell-Bent on Showing Off Her Rack?

This well-known singer had a very intentional wardrobe malfunction before a recent performance at an international venue. Instead of debating what to wear in the privacy of her dressing room, she decided to make her wardrobe options much more public. So she stripped topless backstage, and then had a golf cart driver chauffeur her between the stage and her dressing room while she was completely nude from the waist up. Speculation is that she hoped that just a glimpse of her girls would cause a certain Royal Prince to ditch his girlfriend for her. Didn't happen. Eventually there was a lame attempt by a handler to "protect her modesty" by holding up a sarong as a cover up, but the singer seemed rather intent on providing plenty of exposure for any interested photographers. Sadly for her, they just weren't that many takers. Ouch. That's gotta hurt, especially given that even Donatella Versace and her melted leather breast luggage merited enough attention for a buff shoot recently. While we don't think that our singer's chest is quite the spectacle, at least you wouldn't need any eye bleach after viewing.


Hint: Think of a flower.



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Boy Kills Parents Because He Didn't Want To Take Out Trash

John Caudle, a 14-year-old boy, told police he killed his mother (34-year-old Joanne Rinebarger) and stepfather (38-year-old Tracy Rinebarger) because he didn't want to do household chores, then spent the evening watching movies and playing on a computer. This boy is seriously ill -- he told cops he took two .22 caliber pistols from a gun safe and shot his mother after the two argued over taking out the trash then hid in a laundry room and shot his stepfather when he walked past a short time later. He went to school the next morning before fleeing in the family pickup truck. He'll be charged as an adult.

'Oral Sex' Not Offensive After All

A Menifee, Calif. school district that had taken dictionaries out of its classrooms because of a sex term some parents find offensive will allow it back on the shelves, reports KTLA.

The district pulled the reference book last week after a parent complained when a child came across the term "oral sex" which had this definition "Main Entry: oral sex Function: noun Date: 1973 : oral stimulation of the genital."

A committee of parents, teachers and administrators decided yesterday to permit fourth- and fifth-graders at Oak Meadows Elementary School to use Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary. However, parents can opt to have their kids use an alternative dictionary.

Peter Scheer, executive director of the California First Amendment Coalition says "common sense seems to be lacking in this school."

We agree.


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We Want One NOW!!!

After much hype and speculation, Steve Jobs has finally revealed the Apple iPad -- a tablet computer that costs as little as $499 for the basic model.

The New York Times says:

Its features and specifications, once the stuff of Internet myth, are now sharply in focus: The half-inch thick, 1.5-pound device will feature a 9.7-inch multitouch screen and is powered by a custom Apple microchip, called the A4. The iPad will have the same operating system as the iPhone and access to its 140,000 applications. The price of the device will be $499 for the most basic model, with a Wi-Fi wireless connection. More expensive models will be offered with more memory and with 3G wireless access from AT&T, which will charge up to $30 for an unlimited monthly data plan. Wi-Fi-only versions of the device will be available in March, Apple said, with the more expensive 3G models coming 30 days after that. The most expensive models, with 64 gigabytes of memory and 3G connectivity, will cost $829.

The drawbacks: There is no flash software, camera and it doesn't make phone calls, but you can buy a separate keyboard and stand. On the good note, we can finally put our Kindle up for sale on eBay, because the iPad's got an app for that.

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Google Snaps UFOs in Europe?

Google's street view cameras have captured two odd looking objects above the skies of two European cities.

In Porto, Portugal there's an incandescent pink blob and in L'Aquila, Italy the cameras captured a spacecraty looking object.

Some say the objects are either alien spacecraft or the most logical, rain on the lens of Porto camera and that of a twig stuck on on the camera in L'Aquila.

Take closer look here and here.

Let's not forget, people in Russia saw actual aliens from their house.


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Preach, Brotha. Preach!

You should watch this and pay attention. (Wait!!! Did he say he's, ahem, 23 years old? Carry on.)

13-year-old Boy Raped Woman in Front of Friends, Says Sorry

Balal Khan, at 14, is perhaps Britain's youngest convicted rapist. When he was 13 he knocked down a 20-year-old woman as she walked home, and raped her while two of his friends watched. After pleading guilty to charges of rape and robbery he was sentenced to just three years because of his age - and because he said "sorry."

According to the testimony, Balal subjected the woman to a severe beating then screamed at her "Do what I say or I'll kill you," before raping her, reports the Daily Mail.

Then he stole her bag and phone and even took a call from his victim's boyfriend to whom he bragged about what he had done.

The judge heard how Balal ran up behind his victim and grabbed her around the neck as she walked through a park last September.

He punched and kicked her as she lay on the ground before raping her.

"She started screaming and attempted to get to her feet. He responded by punching her in the mouth and knocked her back on the ground. He stood over her and kicked her to the side of her face. He started shouting at her and warned that if she struggled he would 'kill' her," prosecutors say.

Cops found him because she used the victim's phone -- which he later sold - to call his mother.

BTW: The audience Balal had -- his two friends who were 10 and 11 -- said they told him to stop.



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Mother Arrested For Sexually Assaulting Son

A 41-year-old Omaha, Nebraska woman was arrested yesterday and charged with sexual assaulting her 15-year-old son, reports WOWT.

The boy told police his mother was addicted to prescription drugs and she would have a "sexual relationship" with him every night for at least two years.

A drug addict and a child molester, oh my.


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Sir, There's a Man Stuck Under Your Car

This tragic accident happened last year in the Russian city of Rostov-On-Don. As five pedestrians geared up to cross an already dangerous-looking intersection (there are no crosswalks! no stop signs! no traffic lights!), a man loses control of his car and mowed them down, trapping one under the rear tires. It took passersby some time to notice he was trapped.

Man Caught Trying To Break Into Jail

According to cops in Medford, Ore. James Merrill DeVore, 28, climbed over a fence and tried to break into the Jackson County Jail yesterday.

Officers say James was distraught and said he had been drinking and smoking weed. He told officers he was trying to get help at the jail and that when he didn't get an answer at the front entrance, he decided to go around back.

He was charged with disorderly conduct and trespassing but was not arrested. Instead he was taken to the county's sobering center and referred for mental health services.

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Tomorrow The World Will Change, Again

You guys, you have no idea how excited we are about tomorrow. Apple's chief executive Steve Jobs is slated to make a big announcement and everyone -- including us -- believes he will be unveiling the much-rumored iPad, it's foray into tablet computing. The New York Times says the iPad "will run all the applications of the iPhone and iPod Touch, have a persistent wireless connection over 3G cellphone networks and Wi-Fi, and will be built with a 10-inch color display, allowing newspapers, magazines and book publishers to deliver their products with an eye to the design that had grabbed readers in print." Damn you, naysayers who think Steve will not be announcing a tablet, but a new color iPhone 3Gs with more storage. Damnnnn youuuuuuuu.....!

Father Made Kids Beat Their Mom With Baseball Bat

A Lawrence,Missouri man who encouraged his children to try and kill their mother by beating her with a baseball bat has been sentenced to 25 years in prison.

Arthur Davis III was sentenced yesterday for attempted first-degree murder, aggravated kidnapping and contributing to a child's misconduct.

Prosecutors say Arthur encouraged his 12-year-old daughter and 15-year-old son to kill his ex-wife last June 16. After the children began beating her, Arthur went to her house and helped with the attack and was heard on tape telling them to hit her harder. The woman managed to escape and ran down the street in only her underwear looking for help; she suffered several cuts to her head.

Fueled by a heated child custody dispute, the attack occurred less than a week after the family learned a psychiatrist had recommended that the daughter continue living with her mother instead of with her father.

The daughter was granted immunity for testifying against her father. The son entered a plea to a reduced charge of aggravated battery and was sentenced on Friday to three years in state custody. He will serve the sentence at a state youth center.

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Priest Arrested, Charged With Shoplifting

A Roman Catholic priest -- who needs a refresher course on the Ten Commandments -- was accused of shoplifting butter and a sofa cover at a Wal-Mart in southern Illinois, according to police.

Rev. Steven Poole, 41, was arrested on Friday and charged with two felony theft counts. Investigators said Steven failed to scan a $3.22 container of butter and a $60 sofa cover at a self-checkout.

OK, maybe he forgot.

But, police say Steven then went to the store's bedding section, picked up a memory foam mattress and switched the pricing bar code. That caused the $145 item to be scanned for $31. Cops also found in his possession a stolen laptop computer power pack.

He's been charged with two counts of theft. Both felonies.



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Queen Latifah Wants Four Babies

Don't worry, she won't be breaking her hymen or pushing any of the babies out. Instead, she wants to adopt some Haitian orphans.

I wanna just go down there and get some of those babies. If you got a hook up, please get me a couple of Haitian kids. It's time. I'm ready. I got two arms, I can handle at least two. I can take a third in a backpack, and one in the front, we could just wrap it in some swaddling cloth...give me four."

In related news: Trina, the rapper, also wants to adopt.
She says, "I am in the financial position to adopt; therefore I am taking it into deep consideration at this time. I have always admired other individuals for adopting children not so much for their celebrity status but more so because of the 'nurturing' and invaluable change and joy it will bring to a child’s life."


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WATCH: A Happy Penis

In the history of safer sex PSAs starring penises, this one, made for AIDES France, is by far the best -- by at least a few inches. Despite the message, we all know this would never -- ever! -- be shown on American TV, so enjoy. (Sidebar: As you see, condoms are effing magnetic, except these condoms.)

Joe Jackson Is Signing Autographs

Papa Joe Jackson has finally taken our advice and is getting himself a job. But, we don't think this is the kind of work we had in mind.

Next weekend he will be attending the Mid-South Women's Expo in Bluff City, Tenn. and for two hours on Saturday and Sunday he'll be signing autographs.

His autograph (we think) and not Michael's, but you never know.


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Tiger Woods Paid British Jumpoff $500,000 In Hush Money

It appears that Tiger Woods is in full damage control mode: He's reportedly in sex rehab and he's paying off jumpoffs left and right.

Last weekend it was revealed that Tiger had an 18-month affair with 42-year-old Emma Rotherham. That makes mistress number 19 -- that we know of. According to the reports, Emma, who had a boyfriend, met Tiger once per week for sex and although she didn't hide the affair from her friends, she did try to be discrete, telling people she was meeting a man named "Jose" for "golf lessons." Jose was her alias for Tiger and "golf lessons" involved sex on his office sofa and not much hitting balls. At least not golf balls.

"[Her boyfriend] knew she was seeing Tiger and did not approve. He asked Emma to stop seeing him, but she refused so they split up. Emma never tried to hide that she was Tiger's mistress and almost wore it as a badge of honor. All of her friends knew that she was seeing him, but agreed not to say anything as everyone looked up to Tiger," a friend told News of the World.

The reports are Emma, like Rachel, knows a lot of damning information on Tiger and she's signed a confidentiality agreement after a member of Tiger's security team handed her a sports bag stuffed with half-a-million dollars in $100 bills.

"Emma was his most recent mistress. They had a very, very passionate relationship and she has dozens of text messages and emails from him. Some were even sent while Tiger was trying to patch things up with his wife. If those came out, they'd bury him. If those came out they'd bury him. He absolutely adored Emma and loved the sex. So did she. And as she lived near his Florida home in Isleworth she was always on call. They were at it all the time. Emma said Tiger was a great lover. But he never wore a condom, and she didn't take any precautions."

On call like a prostitute? What a slag!

Friends say Emma met Tiger in 2008 at a nightclub, and he was immediately smitten by her fat ass and accent. True story.


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John Edwards Flaunts His Big, ahem, Johnson All Over His Sex Tape

We're not sure if you knew, but there have been rumors that former presidential candidate John Edwards made a sex tape with his jumpoff turned baby's mother Rielle Hunter. That rumor was not far-fetched, since Rielle knows her way around a video camera. Now, it seems, the rumor has been confirmed. The folks over at Gawker have proof that the tape exists and that ole John is packing.

Sources have told us that, in the throes of their affair, John Edwards and Rielle Hunter made a sex tape that contains “several sex acts.” And that his aide, Andrew Young found it on an unmarked DVD. The tape, say both our sources, is explicit and reveals that Edwards “is physically very striking, in a certain area. Everyone who sees it says ‘whoa’. She’s behind the camera at first.”

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Nancy Kerrigan's Father is Dead, Brother Charged With Assault

Figure skater Nancy Kerrigan's brother has been arrested and charged with assaulting their 70-year-old father, who was found dead Sunday at his Massachusetts home.

Police say Daniel Kerrigan, 70, was found dead inside his home. Mark Kerrigan, the victim's 45-year-old son, faces arraignment today on a charge of assault and
battery on a person over 60 that resulted in injuries.

Police say Mark Kerrigan and his father had an argument late Saturday night. Mark Kerrigan wanted to use the kitchen phone his dad said no. Police say Mark Kerrigan was drunk and got into an argument with his father and there was a shoving match. According to police, Mark Kerrigan grabbed his father by the neck and Daniel Kerrgian fell to the ground. 911 was called and when EMTs arrived, Daniel Kerrigan was not breathing, but had a faint pulse. Daniel Kerrigan later died at the hospital. Police said it took four cops to remove Mark Kerrigan from the house. The police report said Mark Kerrigan was found in the basement of the Stoneham home and was "belligerent and combative" when questioned. Officers used pepper spray to subdue him and eventually arrested him. The report says Mark Kerrigan told officers he struggled with his father and put his hands around his neck after the elder Kerrigan wouldn't let him use the phone.

Daniel's wife, Brenda, told the Boston Herald that her husband died of a heart attack.

The Boston Globe says Daniel and Brenda sued Mark in 2008 for $105,000. They say their son owed the money because they had spent it taking care of his dogs, paying the mortgage on his home, and for paying a lawyer who represented him on assault charges in 2006.



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Tiger Woods Was Aware News of His Affairs Would Leak, Elin Conducted Sting Operation

There have been theories about what happened that night last November when Tiger Woods and wife Elin Nordegren went nightclubbing after it was found out he was cheating on her. There was this report that Elin knocked out his teeth and broke his bones, and now comes this story from The Daily Beast with a different (OK, it's not so much different) spin. Elin apparently told two of her friends the details, and those friends are blabbing.

Gather 'round.

Just before Tiger's affair with Rachel Uchitel was reported in the National Enquirer, he put Uchitel on the phone with his wife for a half-hour, so she could convince Elin the relationship was platonic. Elin confirmed her lingering suspicions about Tiger's affair with Uchitel by impersonating her husband in text messages with Uchitel, prompting the rage that led to Woods fleeing his house. Tiger had taken the sedative Ambien that night, and was in a stupor when Elin woke him following her sting operation on Uchitel. After his wife's wakeup, Tiger sent Uchitel a panicky text warning her that Elin had discovered the affair and implying that divorce was imminent. Elin quickly found this text as well, which precipitated her chasing him out of the house with a golf club.

Tiger did not immediately return home when he was released from the hospital, likely explaining why Elin did not accede to much-publicized requests from visiting police officers to chat with Woods. Both sources spoke on the condition of anonymity, because Elin Nordegren did not give them permission to discuss her conversations with them. Shortly after 1 a.m. in Florida, Elin began texting Uchitel, pretending to be Tiger, according to both sources. Elin wrote, "I miss you," and asked, "When are we seeing each other again?" During the run-up to Thanksgiving, these sources say that Tiger gave Elin advance warning that the National Enquirer was about to run a story claiming that he had an affair with Rachel Uchitel, a New York- and Las Vegas-based nightlife entrepreneur, who had just reportedly finished a torrid affair a few months earlier with married actor David Boreanaz. Woods swore to Elin that the Enquirer story was false and that he had only met Uchitel once or twice at social outings. Elin remained suspicious, according to one of the sources. On November 25, the day before Thanksgiving, as Internet rumors spread of the about-to-be-released Enquirer story, Tiger convinced Uchitel to talk to Elin. The two women spoke by phone for about half an hour, and after the conversation, according to this source, she was satisfied that the relationship was platonic. The next day, Thanksgiving, Elin learned some of the Enquirer's specifics about the purported affair, including a recent rendezvous in Australia. That evening, the two argued. Tiger decided to end the bickering, both sources confirm, by taking Ambien and going to sleep. (According to what Elin has told one of the sources, Woods regularly had trouble sleeping, and Ambien was his primary sleep aid.) After Woods fell asleep, Elin looked through his cellphone, both sources confirmed. There she found text messages to Uchitel's number - Uchitel was apparently listed in Tiger's cellphone under her real name - and among them she discovered one that said, "You are the only one I've loved." Shortly after 1 a.m. in Florida, Elin began texting Uchitel, pretending to be Tiger, according to both sources. Elin wrote, "I miss you," and asked, "When are we seeing each other again?" Uchitel texted back, seemingly surprised that Woods was awake. Elin specifically felt, one source told me, that this response indicated that the two of them spoke earlier that night, before Tiger took his Ambien. At that point, Elin called Uchitel, who answered thinking it was Tiger calling. Both sources said that Elin said something approximating, "I knew it was you." Uchitel's surprised reply, according to what Elin told one source: "Oh fuck." She immediately hung up. Normally quiet and controlled, Elin later told one source she became enraged and woke Tiger by screaming at him. He seemed disoriented, still in a stupor from the Ambien. The fight ratcheted up quickly. But then chaos ensued when she grabbed his cellphone when he came out after locking himself in the bathroom for several minutes. Both sources confirm that Tiger had apparently, shortly after waking up, sent another short text to Uchitel warning that Elin had uncovered the affair, that he was about to pack, and that a divorce might be imminent. Elin didn't tell Woods what she'd seen, one source says. She simply exploded, trying to hit him on the chest and arms with her fists, and then finally chasing him from the house while she wielded a golf club. Shoeless, he ran into the car and barreled out of the driveway before careening off a fire hydrant and then smashing into a tree. Neither source said they knew the details of how the rear windows in the Escalade were knocked out, though one source says that the story Tiger told police at the accident scene about Elin smashing them in an attempt to free him from the wreck was a lie designed to protect his wife. When he was released later from the hospital, Tiger was whisked off to an undisclosed location, Elin too furious to allow him back that afternoon. This likely explains why Elin told police who arrived at their mansion outside Orlando that Woods did not care to speak with them then, once saying he was asleep and couldn't even see them.

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Andy Dick Arrested For Crotch-Grabbing

Last Saturday comedian and trisexual Andy Dick got himself arrested in Huntington, West Virginia while telling jokes at a comedy club. Andy has been charged with two counts of sexual abuse after he fondled two men's, ahem, dicks.

One of the men, Justin Hayes, tells the folks over at RadarOnline: "I didn't even know him -- my girlfriend knew him. My old lady knew he was pretty big deal and she wanted a picture with us 3 in the picture. I went up to tell him -- it was loud in the bar and I had to get towards his ear and then he started kissing me on the neck. I backed up and he started going towards my private area. It pissed me off really bad. It was either fight him and go to jail with him and I didn't want to go to jail."

Phillip Daniels, a security guard at another club, said as he tried to put a band on Andy's wrist as he entered the club, Andy grabbed his crotch then started laughing.

If he's is found guilty of felony sexual abuse, he could face one to five years behind bars and up to $10,000 in fines.

Hey, Andy. It may be OK to grab random men's crotches in West Hollywood, but this is West Virginia, they don't play that.



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WATCH: Pastor Gets Punk'd!!!

We're not sure which Christian show this is from, but we can presume the people who send this pastor letters seeking advice from God are all going to hell or at least, they will need to pray for forgiveness. The first letter he reads is the theme song from "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" then if that wasn't bad enough, he reads a story from Star Wars! Since he had a chuckle about it, it's OK for us to laugh at him. LOLOLOL!

Wyclef's Yèle Haiti Charity Comes Under Attack, Now There Are IRS Tax Liens Against Him?

Wyclef's charitable foundation Yèle Haiti has been under criticism for mismanaging funds. Primarily, why more than a half million dollars was paid to companies owned by Wycelf and why more monies were spent than what was received in donations. He has denied taking money for personal benefit, but the questions still linger. He's also said he started the charity with a million of his own dollars, but the folks over at Gawker did some digging and found that Wyclef did not donate any money to Yèle in the year it was founded (2005). Well, specifically from January 2005 to November 2005 there were no contributions from Wyclef, instead there were donations from Russell Simmons and others totaling $680,409.24. Plus, there has always been the question of why he was demanding a $100,000 fee to perform at a Yèle fundraiser in 2006. Now, CBS4 in Florida has found that the IRS placed liens totaling $5,278,430.10 against Wyclef, his wife Claudinette and some of his businesses. We believe Wyclef's intentions are good (just like the Red Cross and Salvation Army who have faced their own scandals), but we're happy the charity has hired a new accounting firm to clean up all this mess!


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Man Walks Into Wal-Mart, Pees on Meat!

A Canton, Ohio man was arrested for urinating on a meat counter at a Wal-Mart store at 1:30am this morning.

No, seriously.

According to a store employee Robert T. Jenkins, 21, walked up to the meat counter and began urinating on the steaks. He destroyed more than $600 dollars in meat.

Cops don't know yet if Robert was drunk, high or both, but he has been charged with felony vandalism and disorderly conduct and remains in jail.

Craziness!



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Blind Item - Young Hollywood Ménage à Trois

This is the story of three young actors living together in Hollywood. Actor A is a very popular, hot, young actor and the star of a popular franchise. With his parent’s encouragement, Actor B, a fledgling actor, moved into Actor A’s home as a roommate. Actor A worked his contacts behind the scenes to successfully get Actor B a gig in the same franchise. They began sleeping together. Then Actor C, also a struggling Hollywood actor, also moved in. Actor A also got Actor C a gig in the movie in which he was starring, and they began sleeping with each other. Eventually, Actor C got a regular gig on a popular tweener show. So Actor A helped both his roomies break into showbiz, gave them a place to live, and dated both of them. Busy guy, complicated personal life, yet he was still able to keep his head in the game, crank out multiple projects, maintain a busy travel schedule, and fool the general public with frequent appearances with his faux girlfriend, another high profile young star. However, it all started falling apart when Actor A came home early from a trip to find Actor B and Actor C in a compromising position …with each other. Actor A was absolutely furious. So much so that he is now looking to move into a new home with his faux girlfriend. Meanwhile, the parents and PR folks of Actor B and Actor C are scrambling to pretend that everyone gets along and will continue to work together, everyone is straight, and that the only sexual relationship is the one between Actor A and the Actress. Whatever.


HSM? Oops, there we go thinking out loud again.


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83-year-old Man Beats Up 99-year-old

 
An 83-year-old man was arrested and charged after police say he brutally beat a 99-year-old man following a dispute over parking in Brooklyn, NY last Monday afternoon. Gersh Gofman, 83, is accused of beating Steve Pulwers, 99, with a metal steering-wheel lock after Steve asked him to move his car. Craziness!

If The Condom In Your Wallet Was Made in China, You May Want to Trash It

We all run the risk of getting caught by the NYPD as we shop the back allies of Chinatown copping the latest Fouis Vuitton, Prawda and Feendi's, but when it comes to our health, we're not taking any chances. Thank you.

According to KTLA News in Los Angeles, some Chinese companies are making counterfeit condoms and we all know, that spell bad news.

In November, investigators in Hunan province provided details about a July raid on an underground workshop where they found laborers lubricating condoms with vegetable oil in unsterile conditions, passing off the counterfeits as high-quality-brand products. It wasn't the first such bust. Police in 2008 raided an illicit factory in Zhejiang province, seizing half a million knockoff condoms. In another case, workers recycled used condoms into hair bands in southern China.

But, it gets worse.

Authorities estimate that up to a third of the contraceptives used in some parts of China are counterfeits, despite improvements in state food and drug oversight. None of the counterfeits are properly sterilized, and others are of such inferior quality that they could rupture during use. Authorities say they're all dangerous.

Think you're immune since you live in the States? Um, think again.

In 2008, officials in the New York area confiscated knockoff Chinese-made goods, including millions of phony Trojan-brand condoms that were sold in small discount stores in New York, Texas and Virginia.

Authorities say more than 300 manufacturers produce condoms under 1,000 brand names and more than 1 million tainted condoms are believed have been distributed around China. And we all know, many of those end up in other countries. So be careful.



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