Week in Review: Sir, Your Mugshot Is Giving Us Convulsions

Hello, boys and girls. Have a great weekend! We'll be back Monday afternoon.

While we're away, if you have a tip about a story or something we should look into, post or get a chuckle from, please direct it here.

Here are some of the week's lowlights (and some highlights, too).

1. The week began with a man found wandering the streets in nothing but a football jersey, a g-string and hair scrunchie around his balls....
2. Beyoncè was slapped with a $107 million lawsuit.
3. We gagged when we saw THE MOST BIPOLAR MUGSHOT EVER.
4. A judge ruled that the producers of Lil Wayne's documentary can sue the rapper for failing to promote the film.
5. Miami Dolphin's star Brandon Marshall and his wife were fighting again. This time she stabbed him in the gut then called police to "come quick" then hung up.
6. Bravo has greenlit a spin-off series for NeNe Leakes and another of her "Real Housewives of Atlanta" co-star.
7. Bishop Eddie Long has settled the gay sexual assault cases and he didn't go down without taking jabs at his accusers.
8. The transgender woman who was beatdown at a McDonald's spoke out about what really happened that night.
9. A horrifying mile-wide tornado demolished parts of Alabama, killing dozens.
10. President Obama finally released his long form birth certificate.
11. Speaking of the president, his father's immigration files were released and they showed that he was a polygamist and officials wanted him of the United States.
12. After getting busted for possession of weed, Antoine Dodson made a dramatic appearance in court.
13. Two men stole $90,000 worth of hair weave.
14. A man stole bottles of liquor by stuffing them down his pants.
15. Buying knockoff designer purses in NYC could land you in jail for one year.
16. Man decided the best way to teach his wife how to be a better wife was to rape her, punch her in the face till she passed out and when she came to, he forced her to give him a professional.
17. Man walked into a drug store and made a beeline to the cough drop aisle, where he proceeded to take a piss on all of the cough drops.
18. A woman stole her mother's identify to get a boob job.
19. A woman quit her job so she could fly to London to watch the royal wedding in person.
20. Speaking of the royal wedding, Prince William and Kate Middleton were married -- we can all get back to what's really important in the world.
21. A man was found walking on a busy interstate in the rain. When cops asked him where he was going, he told them he was taking the almost four-hour trek to "kick his father's ass" for not having sex with his mother.
22. A man was sent to jail for a month for spanking a rude child.
23. A woman called 911 because he son was coughing, the dispatcher told her an ambulance would be there in several hours.
24. A police officer punched a woman in the face.
25. An attorney had sex with a client in exchange for legal representation.
26. A woman was awarded $1 million after her son's body was fed to pigs.
27. A grown-ass man who still lived at home sued his parents for a monthly allowance.
28. A former Miss USA said she was molested by a TSA agent.
29. A man sued a plastic surgeon after his wife died on the operating table while getting cheap butt implants.
30. Several children were found in a filthy house of horrors -- there was human feces on every wall, every floor and every piece of furniture and fixture. Their mother was arrested.
31. A homeless man robbed a bank then gave the money away.
32. Man attacked several parked cars.
33. Thief had an epic faceplant while trying to run away with stolen beer.
34. San Francisco is considering banning male circumcision and jailing offenders.
35. Prison guards got into a fistfight over a bag of potato chips.
36. A police officer has been called a racist after he photoshopped a black man's mugshot then e-mailed it to colleagues.

Cop Defaces Suspect's Mugshot, Sends 'Racist' E-mail to Other Cops For Laughs

Javier Ortiz, a Miami-Dade police officer, is feeling some pressure from black leaders after he photoshopped a mugshot of a man who shot at two police officers then e-mailed the image to fellow cops. (Two days after the shooting, 24-year-old Durrall Miller was shot and killed by police.) The altered photo portrayed Durrall as a devil -- with red eyes and demon teeth. Miami Commissioner Richard Dunn calls the e-mail racist, but officer Ortiz is not apologizing. Instead, he tells CBS Miami, “I stand by what I did." Developing....



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Man Poisons Rival's Dog at Dog Show

Ralph Ullum of Claysville, Pennsylvania., has been arrested and charged with cruelty to animals charges and attempted criminal damage to property after the 68-year-old fed Protonix and possibly Benadryl to Pixie to a rival's a Siberian Husky, at a Dec. 17 kennel club show at the DuPage County Fairgrounds.

According to a police report, Pixie’s handler, Jessica Plourde of Newark Valley, N.Y., became suspicious when she noticed what appeared to be a crushed pink pill near Pixie’s cage early on the second morning of the competition. Eventually, police said, several witnesses came forward saying they’d seen Ullum petting and feeding Pixie as Plourde showed other dogs. A veterinarian at the show later induced Pixie to vomit, finding an undigested pill marked “Protonix” among other items, including dog food, pieces of chicken and a rubber band. Police also found a wadded up paper towel that contained a white substance and apparent pieces of pills in the men’s bathroom trash. Ullum acknowledged petting Pixie and using the restroom, but he denied feeding the dog or throwing anything in the trash, according to the police report. Pixie was not seriously injured, and neither dog won their event. Plourde and Ullum’s girlfriend had previously competed at several dog shows, authorities said.
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If convicted, he faces a year in jail.

Prisoner Injured While Trying to Separate Guards Fighting Over Bag of Potato Chips

Two New York state corrections officers have been suspended with pay after they began to fight over a bag of chips last Thursday -- knocking out a prisoner's tooth, who was trying to break up the fight. The brawling jailers have been identified as Lawrence Mule, a 26-year veteran of the force, and James Conlin, a 29-year veteran. The incident happened at the Erie County Correctional Facility in Alden, NY, which holds inmates sentenced to terms of one year or less.

[Undersheriff Mark N. Wipperman] said the disagreement began over "what appears to be the dissemination of food products." A source familiar with the event said a bag of potato chips somehow sparked the fight. He asked to remain unidentified because he lacks permission to disclose information about the facility. Wipperman said the inmate told internal investigators that he got involved because he likes both officers and didn't want them to lose their jobs. The inmate was taken to the prison infirmary and then Erie County Medical Center before being returned to the correctional facility, Wipperman said. He would not confirm that the inmate lost a tooth nor describe the extent of his injuries, citing federal privacy regulations. Together, the two officers have about 55 years of experience. Some co-workers are shaking their heads over the officers' lapse in judgment. They speculate that the fight indicates, to some degree, the stress on officers often forced to work double shifts to meet state-ordered staffing levels.
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Aren't we glad they weren't fighting over something stupid like a Snickers bar or a woman.

Mother Awarded $1 Million After Son Was Murdered, Fed to Pigs

Back in April 2006, a terrible crime took place in Salem, Oregon. Leonardo Garcia Gonzalez Jr., and his cousin executed Christopher Lampkin's, then -- using kitchen knives -- chopped off his head and legs then stuffed the remains into a duffel bag and asked the son of a farmer to feed them to the pigs. While some of the remains were fed to pigs, the farmer's son (Joseph Norman Schmidt) placed the bag inside an empty barrel, where it was found months later by detectives.

Leonardo, 26, told investigations he killed Christopher (pictured, above) because he feared he was going to rob him. He was charged with murder and sentenced to life in prison. His cousin, Victor Tovar Gonzalez, 25, pleaded guilty to assault, hindering prosecution, abuse of a corpse, unlawful use of a weapon and being a felon in possession of a firearm; he's currently in prison and eligible for parole in 2022. Joseph was offered immunity in exchange for his cooperation.

Which brings us to a lawsuit filed by Christopher's mother. In 2008, Denise Mullins sued Joseph and his father, Joseph Francis Schmidt, because they "knew or should have known criminal activity such as mutilation of a corpse and drug use occurred on their property" and even though they were aware that Leornado and his cousin "were dangerous and posed a risk to visitors at the complex" failed to evict them. They sued for $15,000 in economic damages and $1.5 million in non-economic damages. A judge dismissed the case against the property owners. Earlier this month, the judge ordered Leonardo, Victor and Joseph to each pay Denise $301,404 (for a total of $1 million) in damages.

Sidebar: Good luck trying to collect.



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Circumcisions Could Be Banned in San Francisco, Voters to Decide

This November, voters in San Francisco will decide whether or not to criminalize male circumcision so mothers like this wouldn't feel the need to take matters in their own hands.

Lloyd Schofield, who has organized a campaign to ban circumcision in San Francisco, submitted 12,265 signatures to the city’s Department of Elections on Tuesday, exceeding by more than 5,000 the amount necessary to put the initiative on the November ballot. Schofield said he believes male circumcision is wrong, and likened it to female circumcision practices that are already banned in the U.S. The proposal would punish people who circumcise a minor with a fine of up to $1,000 or up to a year in jail. The elections department has 30 days to decide whether to certify the initiative and put it on the ballot. Schofield said Thrusday that he is happy that his proposal is sparking a conversation around the city and nationwide, with media outlets across the country picking up the story. “It’s been a taboo subject … and if you can’t talk about something, there is something wrong,” he said.
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Jewish groups are opposed to the proposal and are preparing the fight for their right to snip.

WATCH: Beer Heist FAIL

Police in Lake Wales, Florida are looking for a beer robber. Well, a would-be beer robber. On Wednesday, a man was seen on surveillance tape getting out of the front passenger side of a black Chevy Lumina with dark tinted windows and no tag, and walked into the store. Moments later he was seen running back to the car with two cases of Bud Light beer. But robber tripped and fell, dropping the beer all over the parking lot, then jumped into the backseat of the waiting vehicle and fled the scene. Next time wear a belt.


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WATCH: Man Attacks Parked Cars

In Russia we call this Thursday!

Homeless Man Robs Bank, Gives Money Away to Strangers

Elmer McGuirt's good deed has landed him in jail. Shortly before 5pm yesterday, the 27-year-old walked into a Wachovia Bank in Tampa, Florida, handed a teller a note demanding money and told her he had a gun. He then board a city bus and started handing out money to passengers, while stuffing some in his pants. The sheriff’s office contacted the bus driver, who stopped the bus and pretended to have mechanical failure. Elmer was arrested and charged with robbery. As for the money, cops were only able to get some money back from passengers.

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Prince William, Kate Middleton Are Married

A star was born and a happy couple was married at Westminster Abbey Friday morning when a poised, elegant Kate Middleton exchanged vows with a handsome Prince William in a formal -- yet personal ceremony in front of the 1,900 invited guests and millions watching around the world. The bride looked regal in a lace-embellished wedding gown by Sarah Burton of Alexander McQueen. With its fitted bodice and clean lines, the dress resembled the classic look worn by Grace Kelly in 1956 when she wed Prince Rainier of Monaco. Kate’s accessories included a halo tiara made by Cartier in 1936 and small drop earrings. Prince William wore the red uniform of Irish Guards. When it came time for Kate to say her vows, she dropped the word "obey"...instead promising to love, comfort, and honor William. After the ceremony, crowds roared as an open carriage carried the newlyweds to Buckingham palace to celebrate where the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (their official titles given to them by the Queen) gave the fans one last moment to treasure -- the official kiss.













Pippa Middleton, Kate's sister and maid of honor, turned the mudda out!






And then there was Princess Beatrice (daughter of Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson) and The. Hat.



[Sidebar: The girl in the blue is Princess Eugenie, who's the Queen's granddaughter.]


Finally, William drove out of Buckingham Palace with his new wife at his side in a Aston Martin Volante DB6 MKII with the number plate "JUST WED". The Seychelles blue convertible is the same car William's father Prince Charles drove Princess Diana in when they were married in 1982.





Update: For her wedding night party at Buckingham Palace, Kate changed into another Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen gown.

NeNe Leakes, What's-Her-Face to Get Spin-off Shows on Bravo: report

According to "sources who are familiar with the negotiations but not authorized to talk about them", Bravo is in talks to give Real Housewives of Atlanta castmates Linnethia Leakes and What's-Her-Face their own shows. "Kim’s show would be about her life with Falcons defensive end Kroy Biermann and her new baby, due soon," reports Rodney Ho of The Atlanta Journal-Constitution. "NeNe’s show would be about her efforts to break into Hollywood after moving to Los Angeles later this year. But if these two shows are to come to fruition, Bravo would also like to keep at least one on the 'Real Housewives' show. Kim and NeNe are arguably the most prominent stars on the cast after three seasons." Talk of Linnethia getting her own show has been discussed here before, so has her very public battle with Bravo execs over editing. These two have a long, storied history of fighting and making up, but the ish finally hit the fan last season when Linnethia accused What's-Her-Face of being a racist (which we've heard before) and it seemed like their on-camera friendship was over. Sidebar: Season four of RHoA has already begun filming. It premieres in October and there will be one new "housewife."

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What's That Smell?! Cops Find Children in Feces-Filled Home

Chelsea Champey is a terrible mother. The 21-year faces felony charges of child endangerment after police found her three children -- ages 4, 2 and 1 -- in a house with feces smeared across the walls and floors. Feces were also found smeared on a stairwell banister, on a television, furniture and bedding. When police entered the home, the children were alone. (She told police she left the kids with a babysitter.) Aside from the human feces, cops found an open liquor bottle and a used marijuana cigarette. When police searched the second floor of the home, they found a 2-year-old girl (and everything around her) covered in feces who had been locked up there by herself. Police discovered scratch marks on the inside of the door, and said the girl likely tried to claw her way out. The 1-year-old baby girl was found in a crib covered in feces. The three children have been placed in separate foster homes and the house - which officials said did not have running water - has been declared unfit for human habitation. Chelsea remains jailed on $75,000 bond.



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Man Sues Surgeon After Wife Dies During Butt Implant Surgery

Osvaldo Zelaya has filed a wrongful death lawsuits against a plastic surgeon and the Strax Rejuvenation and Aesthetics Institute in Lauderhill, Florida after his wife died on an operating table while getting butt implants. According the husband's attorney, the doctor injected 1,000 cc (or two liters) of fat into 35-year-old Lidvian Zelaya's buttocks. The fat was sucked from Lidvian's back, stomach and sides and pumped some of it back into her butt. The needle that injected the fat went into a vein, which eventually caused fat to flood Lidvian's lungs and she died on the operating table. Zelaya (pictured, below) had the procedure done on Dec. 27 in preparation for a New Year's Eve party. More and more women are taking drastic steps to get a bigger ass, and sadly, more and more of them are dying as a result. Sidebar: According to reviews online, the clinic's prices are cheap and the work is shoddy.




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Former Miss USA, MTV VJ Accuses TSA Agent of Sexual Assault

Susie Castillo, who was crowned Miss USA in 2003 and later went on to host MTV's TRL, posted an emotional video to her blog this week in which she claimed a TSA agent sexually assaulted her. The incident happened last week when she was flying from Rio De Janeiro to Los Angeles and had a layover at Dallas/Fort Worth airport. Due to her fear of radiation, Susie decided not to go through the body scanner and opted to get a pat down from "avery nice older female TSA employee" -- and that's when things got out of control. "It was MUCH MORE invasive than my first [pat down] at LAX, just a week before," Susie writes. "To say that I felt invaded is an understatement. What bothered me most was when she ran the back of her hands down my behind, felt around my breasts, and even came in contact with my vagina! Honestly, I was in shock, especially since the woman at LAX never actually touched me there. The TSA employee at DFW touched private area 4 times, going up both legs from behind and from the front, each time touching me there. Was I at my gynecologist’s office? No! This was crazy!" She immediately spoke with a supervisor and filed a complaint. She's since launched a petition to stop invasive body searches.


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President Obama's Father Was a Womanizer, Polygamist; Officials Tried to Force Him Out of the United States

Now the issue of President Obama's place of birth has finally been put to bed, the racists and birthers will have a field day with newly released information about the president's father. According to immigration files obtained by Arizona Independent reporter Heather Smathers, Barack Obama senior (pictured, above with his son who became president) was a serial womanizer and polygamist who government and university officials were trying to force out of the country.

A memo from a University of Hawaii foreign student advisor said that Obama senior had "been running around with several girls since he first arrived here and last summer she cautioned him about his playboy ways. Subject replied that he would 'try' to stay away from the girls." It also considered his earlier Kenya marriage as a grounds to deny him a visa extension but concluded that "polygamy was not an excludable or deportation charge." He is further described as "a slippery character", and his relationships with 'several women' are discussed and investigated, while questions about his "marital problems" are repeatedly raised. Another immigration memo, from June 1964, records that Harvard officials were trying "to get rid of him" and "couldn't seem to figure out how many wives he had." The documents also specify that he had a child - Barack Obama junior - while he was at the university on August 4, 1961. The memo also notes that he be "closely questioned before another extension is granted - and denial be considered." Other notes make reference to some kind of campaign to drive Obama senior out of the country and back to Kenya. The memo advised officials to withdraw his funding. It said: "Obama has passed his general exams, which indicates that on academic grounds he is entitled to stay around here and write his thesis; however [Harvard] are going to try to cook something up to ease him out. They were apparently having difficulty with his financial arrangements and couldn’t seem to figure out how many wives he had.... They are planning on telling him that they will not give him any money, and that he had better return to Kenya and prepare his thesis at home." President Obama's mother met his father at a Russian language class at the University of Hawaii in 1960. At the time he was the first and only African student at the university. When they married, she did not realise that he had a wife and child in Kenya. The couple divorced in 1963 and Ann Dunham struggled as a single mother to bring up her child, just as her estranged husband was at studying at Harvard and reportedly carousing after women.
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Documents show Obama, Sr. was denied an extension of his student visa in July, 1964 and subsequently returned to Kenya. In 1965, he attempted to return to the United States, but Harvard (where he was a PhD candidate) denied to issue him the necessary document he needed to obtained a student visa. President Obama was raised by his grandparents (pictured, below) in Hawaii (where he was born). His father was killed later in a car crash in 1982; the last time president Obama sam him was in 1971 when he was ten years old.



Also in Obama senior's immigration file was this handwritten note dated Aug. 31, 1961 from William Wood of Immigration and Naturalization Services indicates that Barack Obama, Sr., was attending the University of Hawaii on a student visa and that a son, Barack Obama, II, was born in Honolulu on Aug, 4, 1961.

The highlight section reads: “They have one child born Honolulu on 8/4/1961 – Barack Obama II, child living with mother (she lives with her parents & subject resides at 1482 Alencastre St.).”

Producers Can Sue Lil Wayne For Refusing to Promote Documentary

Back in 2009, Digerati Holdings released the critically-acclaimed documentary film "The Carter" based on the life and times of rapper Lil Wayne. The all-access, no-holds-bar documentary, which the rapper agreed to, was shot from 2007 to 2008. It showed Wayne's grinding work ethic (he records almost constantly and wherever he can -- in the studio, in his hotel room, on the tour bus) often through a haze of marijuana smoke and his affinity for soda mixed with prescription cough syrup. Wayne claimed that Quincy Jones III (the film's producer) failed to give him approval of the final cut of the film, as was stipulated in the contract -- but the company said it did. Anyway, the rapper wanted to edit out parts of the film he deemed depicted him in a way that would hurt him in his drug and weapons case. So, shortly after the film premiered at the Sundance Film Festival, Wayne sued for breach of contract and the producers countersued, claiming Wayne refused to do interviews to promote the film. On Tuesday, a California appellate court ruled that Lil Wayne is liable for refusing to do interviews and the producers can go ahead with their lawsuit. Producers claimed it had to rely on footage from Wayne's prior interviews and that the rapper's public complaints about the documentary prevented it from landing a distributor. Wayne tried to stop the countersuit with a motion under Califorinia's anti-SLAPP (Strategic Lawsuit Against Public Participation) law. The trial court granted the motion in part and denied it in part. Both sides appealed, but the Los Angeles-based appeals court upheld the decision.

Here's the judge's ruling.



Sidebar: When Lil Wayne sued to block distribution of the documentary, Quincy said he was stunned because Wayne "saw the film and liked it. Even in the declaration of the lawsuit, it says that he likes the movie -- so we're not sure if [the suit] is coming from him or that's someone else." The film was eventually released on DVD.


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WATCH: Haitians Eat Dirt Cookies to Survive

Haiti's poor are forced to eat "cookies" — made of dirt, vegetable shortening and salt — to survive. The practice has passed down by generations.


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WATCH: Mile-Wide Tornado Roars Through Tuscaloosa, Alabama

OMFG! An especially violent spring storm tore through the state of Alabama on Wednesday, tearing a path of destruction across the state and killing at least 53 people. In Tuscaloosa, a mile-wide tornado killed 15 people and injured hundreds, tossing boats from a store into an apartment complex, ripping holes in rooftops, and destroying a swath of retail establishments along a busy street. Hundreds of buildings and homes were leveled by the tornado, and Wednesday night there were fears more victims could be buried beneath the rubble. Hundred of thousands of residents have been left without power.






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Update: April 28: Tuscaloosa Mayor Walter Maddox described the situation as being "beyond a nightmare:. At a news conference, he said: 36 deaths are confirmed in the city so far; at least 600 people have been injured; 44,000 are without power; the city is suffering a severe water shortage due to infrastructure damage; all of the city's trash hauling trucks have all been destroyed or seriously damaged; one fire station has been destroyed and one police station damaged; because of the possible dangerous situations, volunteers are not needed until Saturday.

Son, 25, Sues Parents For $588 Monthly Allowance

A Spanish judge has ordered a 25-year-old slacker who sued his parents for ending his allowance to quit freeloading, move out of his parents' home and get a job.

The man from Andalusia in southern Spain had taken the court action demanding a monthly allowance of $588 after his parents stopped giving him his spending money unless he tried to find a job. However, the judge told the man, who has not been named in court documents, that he must leave his parents' house within 30 days.
The judge said the man was studying law, albeit at a slow rate, and would probably not complete the degree for several years, but he thought he was still capable of finding some kind of work. The family court in Malaga says the situation at the home had seriously deteriorated with the parents claiming their son had physically and verbally assaulted them. The man's mother works in a restaurant while his father works for a garbage collection firm. The judge also ordered that the parents should pay a $292 monthly food stipend for 2 years. The parents have also taken over the monthly repayments on their son's car. In Spain it is not unusual for offspring to remain living with their parents until well into their 30s, a trend strengthened by a tough labor market where the youth unemployment rate is 40.5%, the highest in the European Union. There are 4.6 million Spaniards unemployed, and 1.3 million Spanish homes with no one in work, according to government figures for the fourth quarter of 2010.
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Judge Jose Luis Utrera said the family couldn't afford the luxury of maintaining an adult offspring and said the man, who doesn't work or attend college, is capable of finding a job.

Man Calls 911 to Report Fake Shooting to Avoid Getting Ticket

We gotta give it to Jonathan Paul Rorech -- he thinks quickly on his feet. Early Tuesday morning, the 31-year-old was pulled over for speeding in Naples, Florida. Jonathan told the cop he didn't have his North Carolina driver's license...then what happened next is reminiscent of a scene from a movie.

The deputy returned to his patrol car and ran Rorech's information through his mobile data computer, where he discovered Rorech did not have a driver's license in Florida or North Carolina. During the traffic stop, the deputy received a report of a shooting with "one subject on the ground" at South Street Bar & Grill in North Naples. The deputy decided to respond to the shooting and sent Rorech on his way. When the deputy arrived at South Street he was informed by his supervisor that there was no shooting and nobody was injured. The deputy immediately suspected the 911 call reporting the shooting was false. Further investigation by the deputy revealed the 911 call came from a phone number with a North Carolina area code. The deputy called the phone number back and received Rorech's voice mail. Later, the deputy listened to the 911 call and recognized the male caller's voice as being Rorech. The deputy drove to Rorech's residence and waited for him to return home. Rorech pulled his car into the parking lot outside his apartment around 2:25 a.m. and the deputy arrested him. A search of Rorech's vehicle turned up a cell phone in the center console. The phone's battery had been removed. The deputy put the battery in the phone. A sheriff's dispatcher then called the phone number that the 911 call was made from. Rorech's phone rang.
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Jonathan was charged with making a false 911 call and driving on a suspended license.

Lady Has Sex With Attorney in Exchange For Legal Representation

Angel Martin is facing drug charges in Louisville, Kentucky. She says she bartered representation from her attorney in exchange for sex. She told the court after she had sex with the attorney (Clark Baird) twice, he encouraged her to plead guilty because that would get her out of jail. Well played, Mr Baird.

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Policer Officer Reassigned After Punching Woman in Face at IHOP

In our special coverage on why fastfood restaurants are not safe for life, comes this tale of what went down at IHOP in Atlanta last Saturday. An Atlanta police officer has been reassigned and facing an internal probe after he was seen on video punching a woman in the face after she hit him. Roberta Caban says she and a group of friends went to get coffee at the IHOP and that a man asked them to be quiet. She said the man never identified himself as an officer. A scuffle ensued and that's when the officer punched Roberte's friend, Cynthia, in the face. Roberta (who has already lawyered up) and her friends were all arrested.

Update, April 28: Ashley Leavell, the woman seen punching the officer, has been charged with felony obstruction as well as public drunkeness and simple battery. Leavell was part of a scuffle at the IHOP around 4 a.m. April 23. If convicted, she faces a year in jail. In addition to Roberte and Ashley, Cynthia Freeman and Vanessa Chancey were also arrested that morning.



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President Obama Releases Birth Certificate

Responding to critics' relentless claims, President Barack Obama on Wednesday produced a detailed Hawaii birth certificate in an extraordinary attempt to bury the issue of where he was born and confirm his legitimacy to hold office. He declared, "We do not have time for this kind of silliness....We're not going to be able to solve our problems if we get distracted by sideshows and carnival barkers." Was that grease directed at fake presidential candidate and birther Donald Trump? You betcha!



Update #1: Bwahahaha! Cher went in on fake presidential candidate Donald Trump, who took credit for the president releasing his birth certificate.




Update #2: President Obama and first lady Michelle were in Chicago to tape an episode of Oprah (the show airs May 2). Oprah asked why him why he took so long to release the long-form birth certificate. To which the president said: "Two weeks ago a huge debate was initated about where our budget needs to go. During the course of this major debate where I gave a big speech and the Republicans voted on their proposal, the biggest news was this birth certificate thing. I said to my team, look, even though this is not usually what the state of Hawaii does...Even though the Republican governor of Hawaii, the Democratic governors of Hawaii, all the various officials had confirmed that I was born here, let's ask them for a special dispensation where they will go ahead and provide us with the original to see if we can put this to rest. We are living in a very serious time. And America has huge potential and opportunity to seize the 21st century. We're only gonna get there, though, if we have a serious conversation about the things that matter to people. We can't be distracted by sideshows and carnival barkers going around, trying to get attention."



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Beyoncè Sued For $107 Million

To let a lawsuit filed in New York City today tell it, Beyoncè is a "morally reprehensible" person whose greed caused 70 people lose their jobs one week before Christmas. The folks over at TMZ got their mitts on a the colorfully-written suit filed by Gate Five who claimed they had a deal to create a game with Beyonce called, "Starpower: Beyonce", but the singer demanded more money and breached the contract. Not only does Gate Five want the court to award them the $6.7 million it invested into the venture and the more than $100 million in profits it would have earned, they are also petitioning the court to prohibit Beyoncè from working with any other video game company in the future.


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Lady: Hello, 911? My Son Has a Really Bad Cough; Dispatcher: Sorry to Hear That, I'll Send an Ambulance in 'Several Hours'

Earlier this month, Beth Gangidine of Cleveland, Ohio called 911 when her 21-year-old son, John -- who is "very multi-handicapped" -- began coughing uncontrollably and choking. She began to gag when the dispatcher told her, "due to our current call volume, we are unable to dispatch an ambulance at this time, but as soon as one is available, we'll send them out immediately." When pressed, the dispatcher told Beth an ambulance "could take up to several hours." Officials are now investigating.

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Man Gets a Month in Jail for Spanking Boy

James Freeman of DeKalb County, Georgia was sentenced to one month in jail for spanking a 2-year-old last year. James, 67, said the boy tore up plants in his yard and ripped out protective fencing, then ignored his orders to stop. That’s when he disciplined the boy. This afternoon, a jury found him guilty of simple battery. James was also given 11 months probation and ordered to attend anger management classes. He plans to appeal.

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Man Threatens to 'Kick His Father's Ass' For Not Having Sex With His Mother

Last night, police found 26-year-old Boris Simic walking in the middle down interstate in the middle of traffic. He was walking shirtless -- in the middle of a rain storm -- from Louisville, Kentucky to Prospect, Kentucky -- which, according to Google Maps, is at least three-and-a-half hours away by foot.

According to arrest records, a Louisville metro police officer saw Boris Simic walking eastbound on Interstate 264 within the I-65 interchange near the airport around 5:50 p.m. Monday. Police said cars were swerving to avoid Simic. According to arrest records, Simic told the officer to "go (expletive) yourself" when he tried to get Simic off the roadway. When asked why he was upset, police said Simic told them he wanted to "kick his father's ass" and he was walking on the interstate to get to Prospect, Ky. Simic also told police he was mad at his father because his father will not have sex with Simic's mother, according to arrest records. Police said Simic appeared to be under the influence of drugs. He is charged with second-degree disorderly conduct.
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Heeyyyy!

WATCH: Thief Stuffs Bottles of Liquor Down His Pants

Police in Theodore, Alabama are seeking the public's help in identifying a man who walked around a liquor store last Saturday and stuffed bottles of alcohol down his pants while his accomplices -- two women and a little person -- distract workers. When the store manager, who was watching the crime as it happened on surveillance camera, confronted the thief, he threatened him with a gun and fled. If you reognize the man in the blue shirt, ring the alarm and call police at (251) 574-8633.

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Lady Quits Job to Attend Royal Wedding

Teresa Cunningham of Butler, Missouri is a self-professed crazy person Anglophile and collector of British royalty memorabilia. So, when Prince William and Kate Middleton wed this Friday in London, she had to be there. Well, she must! But there was a problem. She requested time off from work, but "next thing you know, they're telling me I can't go. 'There's no coverage, and we can't get you, and if you go, you're fired,'" she told KMBC. So, she quit her job and will fly to London tomorrow and plans to pitch a tent out of Westminster Abbey in order catch a glimpse of the couple.

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Lady Steals Mom's Identity to Pay For Boob Job

Miriam Garmas, 34, has been charged with seven counts of fraud after she used her mother's name and social security number to rack up $10,021 in charges. According to police, Miriam's mother was checking her credit report when she stumbled upon the bogus charges. She called police. Miriam confessed to spending $4,200 on breast augmentation, $445 at Victoria's Secret, $321 at Old Navy, $2,333 on a Dell Computer, and more than $6,000 to Credit One Bank and Chase Bank. In order to hide the accounts from her mother, Miriam, who's unemployed, had all the financial correspondence sent to her own address on Stock Island, Florida. Back in 1996, Miriam faced charges for fradulent use of a credit card and grand theft.

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Man Caught Peeing on Cough Drops at Walgreens

Police in Sanford, Florida are looking the man who walked into a Walgreens and walked directly to the cough drops aisle, pulled out his penis and urinated on the the cough drops. Afterward, the man went to the pharmacy and tried to fill a prescription, but didn't have the proper paperwork so he left. The store says there was $300 worth of damage. If caught, the man could face criminal mischief charges.

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This Lunatic's Attempt to Teach His Wife How to Be a Better Wife Lands Him in Jail

There are really no words to describe Michael Wheaton of Phoenix, Arizona. The 55-year-old was arrested and charged with sexual assault, two counts of kidnapping, aggravated assault, and making threats after he assaulted and raped his wife because she was doing it wrong. Wait, what?

According to court documents, Wheaton thought his wife was cheating on him. On the night of April 17, he allegedly punched her in the face, forced her to take a shower because she was "dirty," and brutally beat her limbs with a hammer when she got out of the shower. He then allegedly forced her to perform a sex act on him, and then hit her in the face, causing her to lose consciousness. When the victim came to several hours later, she asked Wheaton to let her go to the hospital because of the serious injuries she sustained. He allowed her to go and she returned home about 8 hours later. She was talking to a relative on her cell phone when she walked inside, and Wheaton told her not to tell anybody what happened, taking her car keys, documents allege. For the second time, Wheaton picked up the hammer and threatened to hit her, according to the complaint. He allegedly said he was going to "teach" her how to be a wife and attempted to force her a second time to perform a sex act on him. Wheaton was interrupted by phone calls and the doorbell, the victim reported. She hid in a bedroom, looked for her car keys, and texted her sister for help. She then tricked Wheaton into going outside, allowing her to escape to be picked up by her sister. As she was fleeing, Wheaton allegedly told her he would kill her if she told police.
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Once in jail, Michael admitted that to police his crimes. We have a feeling, the wife will be sending money to his commissary and waiting for him to get out.

Buying a Fake Designer Handbag in NYC Could Land You in Jail For a Year

New York City Councilwoman Margaret Chin has introduced a new bill that would make it a crime for to purchase a designer knockoff handbag in Chinatown, the district she represents. Those caught purchasing counterfeit Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Versace, etc., purses could be fined $1,000 or jailed for one year. Councilwoman Chin says she's fed up with tourists heading to her district in search of the cheap imitations. She says the counterfeiters flaunt child labor laws and the funds may support other nefarious activities. We wonder how the her constituents feel about this proposed law -- some of whom probably peddle these fake goods.



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WATCH: Burglars Steal $90K Worth of Hair Weave

A beauty supply store owner says $90,000 worth of "top of the line" human hair weave was stolen from his shop in Chicago on Sunday morning. Store owner Jay Han watched in horror as his surveillance cameras caught the thieves using a crowbar to pry a steel door open and haul away with the pricey hair into a getaway van. There seems to be an epidemic going on.

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The Most Bipolar Mugshot You'll See in Your Life!

Is he happy? Or, is he sad? Or, is he insane? Ahmon Edward Thompson, 26, was arrested in Phoeniz, Arizona last Friday for criminal tresspassing, stealing a vehicle and failure to show ID.

[Sidebar: It gets better after the jump!!!]

Bishop Eddie Long Sends Cryptic Messages at His Sex Assault Victims

As we reported last week, Bishop Eddie Long is thisclose (or have already) settling the lawsuits brought against him by four men who accused the megachurch pastor of coercing them into sex when they were teenagers. While he isn't allowed to discuss what's happening in 12-hour negotiations, Bishop Long took to his bully pulpit yesterday to send several cryptic messages at his accusers. “You ain't messin’ with me. I shall rise again and I ain't going through this,” he said. And during another sermon: “You have to go down there and let the devil know that what they thought was gonna kill you, didn't kill you. What they thought was gonna bring terror to you, didn't bring terror to you and you made the enemies public spectacle." It was on that same pulpit not long ago, he vowed to fight the charges so him settling out of court makes you wanna go, hmmmmmmm, how you doin!



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LISTEN: 911 Call From NFLer Brandon Marshall's Stab-ation Released

Just before 5pm last Friday, police officers responded to a 911 call at the Southwest Ranches, Florida home of Miami Dolphins star Brandon Marshall. The caller, Brandon's 26-year-old wife Michi Nogami-Marshall, told police: "Please come it's an emergency" then hung up. The dispatched then tried to call back the number, but there was no answer. Why she has just challenged Elin Nordegren and beat her husband's ass! Well, apparently, he was beating her ass and she stabbed Brandon in the abdomen in self defense. He told police he tripped and fell on a broken vase. LOL. He was taken to a local hospital where he underwent surgery and was released. Michi, was arrested and charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and later released on $7,500 bail.

WATCH: Antoine Dodson Appears in Court to Face Weed, Speeding Charges

Antoine Dodson appeared in a Huntsville, Alabama court this morning after he was arrested and charged with five misdemeanor charges last weekend. The 20-year-old, who shot to "fame" after this video went viral, was pulled over for speeding shortly before 2am Saturday morning. He was arrested for possession of marijuana. Besides the drug count, he was charged with speeding, violating the state's mandatory insurance law and two counts of failing to appear in court on an old traffic ticket.


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Transgender Victim of McDonald's Beatdown Speaks Out; Perp Attacked Woman at Same Store Before

It's long been established that fast food restaurants are not safe for life, but the brutal beating of a transgender woman at a McDonald's in Rosedale, Maryland was beyond vicious -- and clearly it was a hate crime. The victim, 22-year-old Chrissy Polis told the Baltimore Sun the incident began as she was trying to use the restroom. “I went to go use the bathroom. Come back out, the girl spit in my face, said, `Are you trying to talk to my man?’ I said, `No, I didn’t even know that was your man at all.’ The other girl came up, spit in my face, then they started ripping my hair, throwing me on the floor,” Chrissy said. “They just seemed like they wanted to pick a fight that night, they really did. And come to find out that girl was only 14 years old. I was shocked...They kicked me in my face; they really hurt me really bad and I’m just afraid to go outside now because of stuff like this.” Police have arrested a 14-year-old girl and Teonna Monae Brown, 18. Teonna was charged with assault. According to the folks over at the Smoking Gun, Teonna was arrested for beating up 38-year-old Danielle Dower last July at the same McDonald's! Danielle told police she had left the McDonald’s with her two daughters when Teonna confronted her, asking “Did you call me ugly?” Though she said she had not, Teonna “kept trying to badger us.” At one point, Danielle said, Teonna “pushed me in the back.” Teonna then punched her in the face, her in the back with an umbrella and “pulled my wig off my head.” In a bizarre twist, Danielle dropped the charges. Sidebar: The McDonald's worker who recorded the fight between Teonna and Chrissy then posted it on the Internet was fired.


This is Teonna's mugshot.




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Meth Head Found Wandering in the Street in G-String, Scrunchie Around His Johnson

You seen the jaw-dropping visual and know the reason why you shouldn't do meth -- but, here's another. Shawn Batie was arrested last week after he was wandering the grounds of cemetery in Lodi, NJ wearing nothing but a Raiders jersey, a G-sting underwear and a hair scrunchie around his penis. He was also very high on meth. Heeeyyyyyyy!!! [Sidebar: In jail, he left one big mess!]


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Week in Review: Meth Mouth, Eddie Long Settles, Spike Lee's Comeuppance

Hello, boys and girls. Have a fantastic weekend and happy Easter! We'll be back Monday afternoon.

While we're away, if you have a tip about a story or something we should look into, post or get a chuckle from, please direct it here.

Here are some of the week's lowlights (and some highlights, too).

1. If you ever needed a reason to not do meth -- holy mother of God -- THIS MOUTHLESS METH ADDICT IS IT!!!!!
2. Shots were fired! Tyler Perry told Spike Lee to go to hell.
3. Bobbi Kristina has been hanging out with porn star/prostitution whore Montana Fishburne and Whitney Houston is beside herself.
4. The Kanye West charity foundation mysteriously went out of business.
5. A settlement is about to be reached in the Bishop Eddie Long gay sex case.
6. An intern stole $10,000 from Steve Harvey then fled.
7. A man dressed as a female mannequin was found in a women's restroom at a shopping mall masturbating.
8. There's an epic brawl brewing at a senior citizen community and it will having you gagging -- it sure had us in stitches.
9. A man chopped off his finger then he cooked and ate it for dinner.
10. The IRS placed a lien on Beyoncè's dad Mathew Knowles for unpaid taxes.
11. Speaking of Beyoncè....she released her new single called Who Run the World (Girls).
12. A man fired several shots at a burglar -- but it was just his reflection in the mirror!
13. A man serving time in prison for murder has filed a lawsuit demanding that the state pay for his sex change surgery.
14. A man beat his wife down while in divorce court.
15. The pill researchers hoped would prevent HIV/AIDS in women failed.
16. We spent hours laughing at Cookie the ticklish penguin.
17. A 6-year-old boy crashed his parents' minivan on his to buy food.
18. A woman went to pet a stranger's dog, it bit her face off.
19. A man in an electric wheelchair chased a woman around for three days!!!
20. Yet another baby was served alcohol at a restaurant. This time at Chili's.
21. Days after he was released from jail, a sex offender was re-arrested for masturbating in front of children at a park.
22. A drive-thru funeral parlor opened in California.
23. Puffy got sued.
24. Fake presidential candidate Donald Trump was talking out of his ass again.
25. A tornado ripped a hamburger out of a man's hand.
26. A lady placed an ad on Craigslist seeking a daddy for her baby because the child's father left her.
27. Burglars would think twice about breaking into this woman's home again.
28. An 8-year-old boy sued the drunk driver who killed his mother.
29. A woman broke into her husband's jumpoff's house and hid in the closet with a 12-inch knife, duct tape, garbage bags and bleach.
30. Things got all racist at a restaurant in South Carolina when the server called the customer "blackchick" on the receipt.
31. Speaking of racist...a Republican lawmaker sent an e-mail depicting president Obama as a chimp.
32. A plane carrying first lady Michelle Obama almost crashed due to an air traffic controller's error.
33. Sex offender Lawrence Taylor cried poor and refused to pay more in child support for his jumpoff's baby who is chronically ill.
34. A man raped an elderly comatose woman inside her room in a nursery home.
35. A prostitution whore who traded sex for potato chips is back in jail.
36. The Ricki Lake talk show is returning to daytime TV.
37. The latest thing that causes cancer? Working behind a desk.
38. This waitress made our week.
39. A man walked into a police station, gave cops a pill and asked to be arrested.
40. A woman died and was resuscitated after suffering a heart attack at a Lady Gaga concert.
41. A man stabbed another man to death for flipping channels on the TV.
42. An 8-year-old boy shared some his mother's weed with his teacher.
43. A 7-year-old boy was handcuffed by police for throwing a temper tantrum.
44. A lady bit her boyfriend's penis during an argument.
45. An elderly woman was dropped into the Arctic Ocean during a botched rescue from a cruise ship.
46. A man dressed a Jesus was seen dragging a cross through the streets.
47. A gangbanger was convicted of murder because he had all of the details of the crime tattooed on his chest.
48. Rapper Lil B is receiving death threats for titling his album I'm Gay.
49. Oprah can't save the soap operas.
50. Lindsay™ is in jail -- yet again.

Lindsay™ Sentenced to 120 Days in Jail

Earlier today in Los Angeles, crackhead Lindsay Lohan Lindsay™ appeared in court to face charges that she stole a $2,500 necklace from a jewelry store. The judge reduced the charge from a felony to a misdemeanor and sentenced her to 120 days in jail and and 480 hours of community service (including 300 hours at a women's center and the Los Angeles County morgue) for probation violation. She was led out of the courtroom and booked. This will be her fourth time in jail in as many months.

[Judge] Sautner ruled that prosecutors had shown that Lohan violated her probation on a 2007 drunken driving case. The judge refused to dismiss the theft case against Lohan. "I see the intent here," Sautner said. "I see a level of brazenness with `Let me see what I can get away with here.'" But Sautner also said she often sees more serious cases that get reduced to lesser charges and that she wanted to give the Lohan "an opportunity." Lohan, 24, entered a not guilty plea Friday. She has been a courthouse fixture since last May when she missed a hearing in her drunken driving case. Since then, two judges have sent her to jail twice and rehab, also twice.
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Bail was set at $75,000. She'll probably be back on the streets in a matter of hours. Hide ya furs, hide your jewelry, hide ya cocaine.... Sidebar: As for the misdemeanour charge, prosecutor Danette Meyers said she will seek to overturn the judge's decision, which would limit how long Lindsay™ -- who only goes by one name now, didn't you know? -- could serve in jail to no more than one year.