Thursday, December 30, 2010

Year in Review: There Were Scandals and Then There Was Mel Gibson

You know we love a scandal and 2010 was rife with them. Frankly, the year belonged to Mel Gibson. We could tell you about all the racist, homophobic, sexist, anti-Semitic things the actor said to his baby mama, but you'll be best served listening to him say all these racist, homophobic, sexist, anti-Semitic things to his baby mama. The Bible says (we think) whatever you do in the dark shall come to light, so 2010 was the year that Jesus made us all all aware of Ms. Bishop Eddie Long who was -- and has been - raping young boys for years! (Another pastor was dragged out of the closet kicking and screaming, too.) Rumors that Ms. John Travolta is a card-carrying member of the How You Doin coalition have surrounded the actor for years, but in 2010 we learned that not only is she a bottom, she also craves big, black penises. Ehaow!

Poor, Whitney Houston. She embarked on a failed world tour and got caught snorting cocaine in public -- after she told Oprah she was clean -- and now that he's clean and sober, ex-husband Bobby Brown has resolved to help Whitney kick her drug habit.

Haiti suffered a massive earthquake, killing more than 200,000 people. In the aftermath, the rug was pulled from under Wyclef Jean's shady charity, which was caught misappropriating monies intended to help Haitians in Haiti, but instead was helping Haitians (read: Wyclef) in New Jersey. Later in the year he launched a campaign to become president of Haiti; that failed and he was chased out of the country. To add insult to injury: his wife caught him cheating on her.

The Tiger Woods scandal accelerated in 2010. Tapes were released that showed that cops investigating the "accident" that left the golfer with missing teeth and broken bones, covered up some facts. He finally admitted that he's a dog, we learned he's a freak, several women claimed he's the father of their children, and Elin divorced him, walking away with millions in cash and prizes. Then she gave an interview about all of it.

Former singer Raz-B's undiagnosed mental ailment flared up in a big way this year. He said back in the day, pretty much all the members of boy bands B2K, Immature and others were sleeping with each other and the rape-ations were commandeered by their Dear Leader Chris Stokes, who would often rape them, too.

Homewrecker Fantasia Barrino was also a major attention whore. When the wife of her married jumpoff threatened to sue her triflin' ass for millions, Fantasia attempted to "commit suicide" after aborting said married jumpoff's baby and making several sex tapes with him. The Dream also attempted suicide.

In 2010, the ongoing rumor that Oprah and Gayle King are lovers went into overdrive. First, we learned that the couple was planning to adopt a baby, but Oprah squashed the rumors, saying Gayle is NOT her lover, she's her mother. We also learned that the man she thought was her father, probably isn't. Speaking of Teh Gheys: Ray J is gay, Charlamagne is gay, Amy Winehouse is bisexual, Ricky Martin came out, 50 Cent is gay, and the Today show's Matt Lauer jumped off with a tranny. And how could be forget: Queen Latifah is no longer hiding the fact that she's a lesbian. She's out and proud, chile. The gayest city in America was named and yes, it's the one you guessed.

In the world of politics: Some bitch came for Michelle Obama; John Edwards has a a big penis. How do we know this? His sex tape; Sarah Palin was found to be a "fucking retard"; the jumpoff of Washington DC's married mayor said her peace; a NYC congressman "retired" after news broke he sexually assaulted a male staffer; we got to know and love South Carolina's candidate for senate, Cousin It; former vice president Al Gore was accused of rape; down in Texas, politicians are crazy as hell!, or just plain mad; and failed New York gubernatorial candidate Jimmy McMillan is awesome.

Professional athletes were acting up all year long, too, as they always do:
Shaquille O'Neal is a cheater and a hacker, surprisingly. Evander Holyfield's wife said he put the beatdown on her -- while she was pregnant! Wrestler Rick Flair was assaulted -- by his wife. Allen Iverson's life was spiraling out of control, but that could have been a result of his wife divorcing him. Dorell Wright, who plays for the Miami Heat, has a very small penis. Former football star Tiki Barber dumped his pregnant wife for a younger model. Lawrence Taylor paid $300 to have sex with a 16-year-old girl. NFLer Reggie Wayne had a jumpoff. LeBron James gave Cleveland the deuces and the team's owner lost his goddamn mind. Mike Tyson admitted he is a pig. Brandon Jennings might as well come on out of the closet. Dennis Rodman received a professional -- while conducting an interview!

Howard Stern stated the obvious then Jamie Foxx tried to come for Howard. Howard quickly and swiftly put that queen in her place. Feud over.

Real Housewives of Atlanta's NeNe Leakes got her nose did, her husband is divorcing her, her son kept on getting arrested, and she's about to become a grandmother.

Jesse James had a banner year. He was 2010's Tiger Woods. Plus, he's a racist! Within a month, Sandra Bullock divorced his ass.

Mo'Nique admitted that she and her husband have an open relationship and not to be outdone, her brother admitted that he molested the actress/comedian.

Then there was Dwayne Wade and his courtroom battle with ex-wife Siohvaughn Wade, who literally lost her mind. She filed a lawsuit against Dwayne's current girlfriend, Gabrielle Union, and Dwayne revealed that she physically attacked him.

Eternal cheater Mathew Knowles got a jumpoff pregnant; he confessed his sins to wife Tina, then was ordered to pay $82,000 in child support. Ka-ching!

An MTV reality show contestant was arrested for breaking nearly every bone in his 1-year-old daughter's body, while a VH1 "reality star" was busted for statutory rape.

Barry Bonds' son beatdown his own mother, R&B singer Mario was accused of committing the same unspeakable crime.

Remember Sisqo? His baby mama wanted her money.

Michael Jackson's final and official autopsy report was made public.

There was a lot of grease being thrown:
Mz Berry, of For the Love of Ray J fame, went in on her ex-boyfriend; Joan Rivers threw some hot grease at Victoria Beckham; Grace Jones called out Lady Gaga for jacking her swag; and Kim Kardashian's ex-husband said the reality star is nothing more than a conniving, fame whore who's addicted to plastic surgery.

Oprah got four child molesters to reveal how they groom, lure then rape young kids; Apparently, Johnny Depp doesn't bathe; Naomi Campbell attacked another employee; Over in Turkey, a father buried his daughter alive because she talked to boys; The government told a woman she's too stupid to have kids and some folks were outraged; Dude bit off a cop's nipple; A fat lady killed her boyfriend by sitting on him, while another tried to kill her boyfriend with her breasts and a lady bit off her husband's penis, then stabbed him to death.

The world was introduced to Epic Beard Man. (Then the victim spoke out.)

Several members of the Winans family (yes, the gospel singing one) were running a multi-million dollar Ponzi scheme. Not anymore.

Unsurprisingly, a gay prostitution ring was discovered at the Vatican, video footage of a priest having sex with an altar boy surfaced, and a priest was arrested after he stole more than $1 million to spend on male escorts. We still haven't gotten confirmation as to what the fuck is going on this video!? And only a few weeks ago, a pastor broke into a parishioner's home and stole $10,000 in loot.

Many people can't (or chose not to) understand why gay men want to get married, but this adorable 5-year-old boy got it right away.

A lady from Florida (of course!) on her way to a jumpoff's house, crashed her car while shaving her cat trap.

Former R&B crooner D'Angelo was arrested after he tried to solicit a police officer for sex.

Aretha Franklin is said to be suffering from pancreatic cancer and after undergoing surgery, she has only weeks left to live.

The founder of KC and the Sunshine Band was charged with raping young boys.

Dude chopped off his wife's head because she didn't want to have sex with him; a lady stabbed her boyfriend in the nutts because refused to sleep with her

The Negrodian of the Year award went to this guy.

Garcelle Beauvais' husband cheated on her, so she sent an e-mail blast to let the world know about it.

Superhead got a beatdown -- or it was a figment of her own twisted imagination.

Vivica A Fox's younger boyfriend dumped her via press release.

Charges were officially dropped against the man accused of killing Kandi Burruss' ex, AJ Jewell.

Richard Pryor had a cocaine penis, Pam Grier explained in details.

A bus driver found a baby sitting in the middle of the street -- after midnight!

Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, was a prostitution whore!

So was Marilyn Monroe! Back in the 1960s, Marilyn was getting slayed pretty much by everyone (Frank Sinatra, The Kennedy Brothers, etc.) at sex parties.

We all were shocked when we heard that Ne-Yo was accused of having sex with an underage prostitute -- a female prostitute.

Having sex with chickens was all the rage.

Jermaine Dupri threatened to kill a blogger.

JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater let those bitches have it!

A man grew a vagina and gave birth to a child.

Designer Calvin Klein, 67, is dating a 20-year-old male porn star.

TI and his wife Tiny were arrested on drug charges; he was sent back to jail for a year -- but not before "staging" a PR stunt.

A Duke University female student had sex with more than a dozen male athletes then wrote a thesis about it, describing everything from how she met the boys to how big their penises are to how good or bad they were in bed. It's truly a must-read.

Another must-read: A teacher slapped a 9-year-old student who was misbehaving, so his mother penned an epic 40-page letter (which she sent to President Obama) demanding some pretty OUTRAGEOUS and AMAZING things.

Morgan Freeman's ex-wife took him to the cleaners.

Toni Braxton is horrible at managing her finances; she filed for bankruptcy again.

Surgeons removed a dildo from someone's ass.

A funeral home in Puerto Rico found a unique way to display a corpse.

Jesus Christ was struck by a car in Massachusetts.

This is still the best dance video of the year all time.

Scientists discovered why some men will never get laid.

This allegedly is Kanye West's penis. Remember President George Bush? He went on the record to blame Kanye for the worst moment of his 8-year presidency.

Colleen is her name and she's crazy as hell.

A man was cured of HIV.

In memoriam: Golden Girls' star Rue McClanahan, Teddy Pendergrass, Alexander McQueen, Gary Coleman, and Elizabeth Edwards.

We also laced you up with some Best ofs from Wendy's radio show: Like Shelly, who wanted to have sex with her husband's sister, Gillie Da Kid outing Lil Wayne and Baby, and the Donkey Song.

Get off my mommy! Get off my mommy! Get off my mommy!

See, the year was going pretty smoothly AND THEN this happened!
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