Friday, December 30, 2011

Year in Review: Extra Greasy

Happy New Year, boys and girls. Before we usher in 2012, let's revisit some of the biggest stories of 2011, shall we?
  1. A gay man sued Rev Jesse Jackson for sexual harassment -- and yes, it's that kind of sexual harassment.
  2. A transsexual wrote a book about her sexual experience with LL Cool J and Mister Cee and exposed Eddie Murphy's secret tranny obsession.
  3. Hot 97 DJ Mister Cee was arrested after he was caught having sex with a transsexual prostitute. Then he lied about it. Then the tranny put him ON BLAST! Then Mister Cee officially come out of the closet.
  4. Mary Harvey put her ex-husband, comedian Steve Harvey, ON BLAST, but she was later proven to be a liar.
  5. One of NFL baller's Barry Bond's ex-jumpoffs put him ON BLAST, too.
  6. Cee Lo Green's ex-jumpoff put his nasty ass ON BLAST!
  7. A matchmaker put Gayle King ON BLAST!
  8. Dame Dash's baby mama put him ON BLAST, again!
  9. According to a former gang member, Shaquille O'Neal ordered multiple murders then one of the baller's former employees sued him for threatening him and stalking his ex-wife. Shaq was not happy.
  10. Tyler Perry queened out on Spike Lee.
  11. NBA baller Chris Bosh got into it with his baby mama.
  12. Tracy Morgan hates gay people. United Airlines hates black people.
  13. NFL baller LeBron James' mother, Gloria, attacked a parking attendant. Then, unsurprisingly, the parking attendant sued her.
  14. Vanessa Bryant divorced Kobe Bryant after she learned he cheated on her with at least 105 other women.
  15. Faith Evans divorced her husband. So did Allen Iverson's wife, for the second time. (Speaking of Allen, he cursed out cops after a traffic stop and asked them "Do you know who I am?" They didn't.)
  16. Singing legend Aretha Franklin spoke out about her alleged pancreatic cancer diagnosis.
  17. Whitney Houston's (who checked into rehab for the third time) daughter, Bobbi Kristina, was photographed using cocaine. Then she started hanging out with p0rn stars and was issued a summons for underage drinking. It was then reported that Whitney has been diagnosed with a deadly lung disease.
  18. Flavor Flav revealed he spent almost $6 million on crack. Comedian Katt Williams probably spent a lot more.
  19. Finally, a cure for crackhead-ism is on the horizon.
  20. Mariah Carey's HIV-positive sister is back to turning tricks.
  21. Bishop Eddie Long's life got messier and messier. He paid about $100,000 to settle the sexual coercion lawsuits brought by several men who said he raped them when they were boys. Then a fifth accuser came forward, claiming Bishop Long turned him out when he was 16 and they then had a six-year relationship. That caused Bishop Long get angry and sued for the return of the settlement money, because the accusers were violating the confidentiality agreement. The Feds launched a probe into his business practices; his year ended with his wife of many years filing for divorce.
  22. One of Bishop Long's protégés was also accused of molesting 14-year-old boys and paid their parents off to keep quiet.
  23. A gay priest fired for being gay insisted he's no bottom.
  24. Catherine Zeta-Jones lost it for a while and checked herself into a mental hospital.
  25. How You Doin, Malcolm X. ALllrrriiiiggghhhhtttttttt!
  26. After all these years, Jennifer Holliday is still mad at and jealous of Jennifer Hudson.
  27. Rihanna had sex with a woman, according to the woman, who wrote about the experience in a book. Miss Fenty agreed to lift the restraining order against convicted felon Chris Brown -- which could explain why her family wants her to get back in a relationship with him. And she was sued for stealing a photographer's ideas for her video. Then she had a meltdown, which resulted in a 24-hour health watch.
  28. Peter Thomas, husband of "Real Housewives of Atlanta" star Cynthia Bailey, really, really dislike the show's co-stars.
  29. Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife Maria Shriver announced they were divorcing to everyone's surprised. Then we learned he had a 13-year-old son with their maid.
  30. Terrence Howard's wife-beating ass was slapped with divorce papers. Speaking of wife-beaters, radio jock Funkmaster Flex was arrested for beating his wife.
  31. Star "I'm a Lawyer" Jones Reynolds and Linnethia Leakes got into it this year while they appeared on "Celebrity Apprentice." SIALJ hired bodyguards to keep Linnethia away and when the show aired, we saw why. And, reportedly, SIALJ was considering remarrying her ex-husband, Al Reyonlds.
  32. Meanwhile, Linnethia's son was arrested for shoplifting at Walmart.
  33. A 20-year-old woman was killed after getting her butt enhanced at a pumping party; then later in the year a tranny was arrested for inject CEMENT(!) into a woman's butt at a pumping party.
  34. To no one's surprise, Taco Bell's "beef" was found to be something other than beef.
  35. Dude is probably still at it.; She is still mad;
  36. In crime news: Former NFL star Lawrence Taylor pled guilty to boning an underage hooker. Speaking of baller and hookers, a hooker put Indiana Pacers star Lance Stephenson ON BLAST! NFL baller Brandon Marshall's wife stabbed him in the stomach. NBA baller Charlie Bell's wife stabbed him in the stomach, too. Jimmy Henchman paid someone $2500 to shoot Tupac back in the day and he was arrested for running a cocaine trafficking ring.
  37. Elsewhere, an Atlanta basketball player damaged a rental home then sued the property owner.
  38. Etta James is on death watch and her family continued to squabble over who will inherit her riches.
  39. Wendy participated on "Dancing With the Stars." She was eliminated on week four. She also made her first appearance on "The View."
  40. R Kelly told friends he might have gotten an underage Aaliyah pregnant.
  41. Patti LaBelle was accused of ordering her bodyguards to beat up a man because he came too close to her luggage. AND the singer was sued after she threw a bottle of water on an 18-month-old baby .
  42. Queen Latifah dumped Jeanette Jenkins for another woman.
  43. An employee sued his boss for transferring him to New jersey because the state is depressing and unstylish.
  44. A woman fainted after seeing her newborn baby's face.
  45. CNN anchor Don Lemon announced he's gay.
  46. All of the teachers at one high school in Memphis are sleeping with the students.
  47. NY congressman Anthony Weiner's world came crashing down after he tweeted a photo of his wiener to several women then lied about it.
  48. A donkey attempted DIY circumcision on her baby after waiting a YouTube video and reading the Bible.
  49. Lady died after having sex with a dog.
  50. A Roman Catholic priest had an affair with his cousin.
  51. Venus and Serena Williams' 69-year-old dad got married to a 32-year-old woman.
  52. A mailman took a sh*t in a customer's backyard.
  53. Kanye West's charitable foundation mysteriously went out of business.
  54. A nutjob sued Puffy for $1 trillion. Rapper Juelz Santana went to jail. Rapper Gucci Mane was sent to prison for pushing a woman out of a moving car when she refused to have sex with him for $150.
  55. Dr Conrad Murray was convicted of murdering Michael Jackson.
  56. Reggae dancehall artist Buju Banton was sentenced to 10 years in prison on cocaine charges in Florida. Reggae dancehall artist and murder suspect Vybz Cartell said skin bleaching (which he does) is just like tanning.
  57. BET jacked one of TV One's shows.
  58. A woman sued radio jock Miss Jones and several others for claiming she was Chad Ochocinco's baby mama.
  59. Meanwhile, "Basketball Wives" star Evelyn Lozada sued Fred and Dem over at Mediatakeout for defamation.
  60. Mathew Knowles' baby mama said he offered her money to hand over their love child to Beyoncé and Jay Z to raise as their own.
  61. Meanwhile, in NYC, a megachuch pastor was found dead after a drug overdose.
  62. The Bhatti boy (Omer Bhatti) may be Janet Jackson's biological son.
  63. Will and Jada Pinkett Smith's relationship is on the rocks. Could it have anything to do with him reportedly jumping off with singer Trey Songz? Hmmmm.
  64. Choreographer Shane Sparks for sentenced to 9 months in prison for raping a 14-year-old dance student.
  65. These people joined the death file: rapper Nate Dogg, Elizabeth Taylor, Steve Jobs. Amy Winehouse. Heavy D.
  66. The United States killed Osama bin Laden.
  67. Fan sued Bone Thugs-N-Harmony for assault.
  68. Donald Trump is tight with "the blacks," apparently.
  69. A 92-year-old woman shot a man who refused to kiss her.
  70. This man's balls weigh 100-pounds.
  71. A woman attacked a 4-month-old baby in a stroller then tried to break off its arm so she could eat it.
  72. We saw what has to be The Ultimate Face of Meth.
  73. And finally, the world didn't end.

There's a whole lot more where this came from, just browse the Archives or look here. We'll be back Tuesday. And again, Happy New Year!

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